The 4.30pm London to Berkamhead, Return (Chapter Five: The Sleeper Will Awake)

Gutterford 1997

I caught a glimpse of the light edging through the closed curtain, casting a v-shaped shadow across the ceiling and leant up to watch the digital; clock flick to 7:02am. It was still too early to be rushing about, so I rolled over and snuggled up against him; faintly running my hand across his arm. Any more than that and he was bound to of woken up and while I loved him dearly; his bull in a china shop attitude when he was awoken unnaturally wasn’t something I was prepared for today. Although, if he was to awake, I always found some comfort in knowing that this man; whose name alone now stood for maturity and responsibility could still, at times, be so child like.

I lay back and considered how naïve I had been in believing that his friendship was just that, a friendship. I see now that he was carefully considering and structuring his every move around he saw his and our future. Perhaps he was a little manipulative in the early days; but he had shown so much passion, dosed up with old fashioned romance, that it was just too difficult to resist. When we had finally moved in together recently, it was the icing on the cake of our relationship. And while I had expected something to change, thankfully it hadn’t. I had to make sure I gave him his space; he wasn’t one to be held onto too tightly, especially when he was writing or doing his music.

And still he manages to surprise me; with flowers, with compassion, with his ability to listen, with his unselfishness and mostly importantly with his love.

As I watch him now, his eyes gently flicker as he dreams. A slight smile graces his face. I love him and I know he loves me. I only had to look at what he went through to be with me now. How he had dealt with the rape.

Why do you keep saying that Juliet?

How he had dealt with the rape and how he had been there for me when I decided to get tested.

You are going to have to tell him eventually Juliet.

In fact, I depended upon his level headedness. He really had stuck in ‘there’ with me; mixing his naturally shy temperament with some uncharacteristic acts of confidence. I just hadn’t noticed how well he was blending together friendship and business just to be close to me. He ultimately put in a lot of ‘work’ without never really knowing whether it would ‘pay off’.

Ok, so it hasn’t been without it’s problems. I think he had to fight long and hard about his emotions regards Katie and from everything he has said, in the end it was quite messy. It certainly seemed to take it’s toll, but I always remember that night in December when I finally got to see the real person underneath. It’s as if he suddenly emerged; that the shackles of his failing relationship had been lifted and he had been given a chance to shine again. Suddenly he had had a new energy and was able to give me everything I wanted. He said that he found what he had wanted too…. True love.
………………..

“Morning hun”
“Morning J, are you alright”?
Are you alright? He had asked me that every morning, as if while I was sleeping something terrible may have happened. As if I’d let it and give up the chance to be with him. He hurriedly sat up and rolled off the side of the bed.
“Stuart, where are you going?”, I said, watching him run the gauntlet of clothes that littered the floor from the night before. I could see the smile broaden his face; he exactly what my naughty, selfish side was thinking. That, as so many times before, he would off to make me breakfast. He paused by the door
“For a piss”.