Murphy's Law - 3. Matrimony

Life resumes its mundane cast. The next big event must wait until Shonso has healed. Day after day the world is as it has always been, bright and warm with cleansing afternoon showers, vibrant crimson sunsets, brilliant starry nights. And through it all Murphy's clan, like every other clan, breeds, shits, murders and cannibalizes.

Then one day, as he beds down he hears something unusual, something he's never heard before. No sooner has he heard it though, than it's gone. It was so faint and fleeting that he wonders if he heard anything at all. Maybe it was just his imagination, but wait, there it is again. What is that? It's so difficult to hear, he sits up and turns his head from side to side trying to catch and keep the elusive sound. To no avail as now it's gone again, lost amid the sounds of sleep that surround him. Murphy sits a while longer, still, then lays down and soon is snoring.

By the next morning he has forgotten the phantom noise and is immersed anew in the daily tumult. That night, however, the sound returns. Again Murphy struggles to catch and hold it and again fails. The morning of the day after this second night, however, he doesn't forget. For today he notices that he is not the only one listening. His own men and boys, those in the neighboring clans, they too listen though they one and all try to hide the fact. Once combat is joined the immediate noise drowns out the faint, faraway noise and neither Murphy nor his minions give it another thought. Until evening, when once again Murphy can see people disguising their attendance on the mysterious sound. This happens for several days and nights. Each day he hears nothing untoward, each night he strains to hear the new sound and after some time he finds he no longer has to strain so much. It was not a phantom sound, it was real and is now audible every night. Murphy is puzzled and concerned but his concern is offset somewhat by the effect on Watt. Murphy is amazed and delighted to see that his ex-Priest has perked up and is paying considerable attention to the new, unexplained noise. Murphy congratulates himself for not harvesting Watt earlier and now wonders what his former mentor makes of this mystery. For his part, Murphy is completely unable to imagine an explanation.

So the Big Mahaf consults his Priest, as he should. But in this conversation Murphy learns nothing except that Pozzo is reluctant to talk about the noise. It is only with difficulty Murphy even gets him to admit he's heard it. Beyond that Pozzo will not go, refusing even to say he's wondered what it was. Irked, the Mahaf dismisses abruptly his new Priest. The noise, in the meantime, continues and begins to be a concern, especially some days later when the whispering begins. Murphy rarely actually hears the whispering, it being usually drowned out by the din of combat in the daytime and now the mystifying noise in the night, but he can see it. In the gloaming he sees this or that warrior or this or that breeder lean closer to a colleague and whisper. This in itself is not all that unusual. What is unusual, however, is the increased occurrence. And Murphy now notices the same thing happening in adjacent clans. Then one evening Murphy, turning away to face the men after his usual inspection of the women hears the murmuring behind him in the circle. When even the women are whispering about the noise, and there can be no doubt the subject of so much chatter is indeed the mysterious noise, Murphy realizes something must be done. The question is - what?

Frustrated, Murphy brusquely commands Pozzo to fetch Watt. As the noise has waxed so has Watt's interest in life. Murphy has watched amazed this stepping back from the brink of Madness which would have been his primary subject of speculation had it not been for the noise. Murphy watches now as Pozzo ambles off and nudges Watt's foot as he lays in ranks. Watt looks up, surprised. Pozzo murmurs, Watt glances quickly at Murphy, their eyes lock for the first time in ages, then Watt looks away as he gets to his feet. In a moment both current Priest and former Priest are groveling before their Big Mahaf.

"Sit," says Murphy and the two men get up onto their haunches. Both heads are bowed in the sacred presence. Murphy stares a moment at Watt, then says, "you seem to be much better." Neither man responds.

"Watt," says Murphy. "Look at me."

Watt looks up, into Murphy's eyes and Murphy wonders at the focus now present where previously he saw vacancy.

"Watt," he says. "What do you make of the noise?"

Watt recoils.

"The noise?" he asks.

"Yes," says Murphy gritting his teeth. "The noise. This new sound which has caught your attention, which has pulled you from the grip of the Madness, this noise of which everyone is whispering. That noise. Or are you too going to pretend you don't hear it?"

At this last remark Pozzo squirms a bit but still doesn't look up. Watt looks straight at Murphy.

"I hear it," he says.

"Well?" says Murphy.

Watt looks away, then looks at Pozzo who clearly has no intention of engaging in this conversation, then looks back at Murphy.

"It's getting louder," he says.

Pozzo looks up sharply. Murphy squints.

"Yes," he says, then nothing.

Watt clears his throat.

"That means it's getting closer," he says.

"Closer," says Murphy.

Watt nods.

"So?" says Murphy.

"Well," says Watt. "Don't you see? That means something's moving. Either we are moving toward the noise or the noise is moving toward us."

"Shithead!" Murphy suddenly roars at the top of his lungs. Several heads turn toward him.

Murphy looks down at Watt.

"Did I just move closer to you?" he asks. "Or did you just move closer to me?"

Watt smiles. "Neither of course, and a clever demonstration that was, but I don't think your noise and this new noise are the same kinds of noise. This noise waxes steadily, day by day, hour by hour. The kind of noise you just made would vary, stronger, weaker, stronger than before, weaker, stronger but not as strong as before, and so on. This noise is steady which makes me think it's always at the same level so it’s getting louder then can only mean it's getting closer."

Murphy looks at the downcast Pozzo as if to say, "there, that's how my advisor should think".

"If that's true," he says, "then the noise is moving toward us since we never move. We are the One True Clan and the One True Clan occupies the Center of the World, the Spot of Creation. Our position is fixed so if one of us is moving is must be the noise."

Watt looks at Murphy but says nothing.

"You reject my reasoning?" asks Murphy.

"Of course not," says Watt flatly.

Murphy leans back and eyes Watt appraisingly.

"Good," says Murphy. "Alright then, this noise that moves, what do you think it is?"

"I have no idea," says Watt. "I only know it's something different."

"Really?" says Murphy. "And that explains your renewed interest in life?"

No reply.

Murphy leans forward.

"I repeat myself," he whispers. "This explains your interest?"

Watt considers a moment, then says, "Yes, I suppose so. Whatever it is it's something different, there's something in the world that I had never imagined."

"Why," says Murphy, surprised, "that's the very thing about it I find most disturbing!"

Watt studies the ground in front of him. After a few moments Murphy informs his minions that the audience is over.

In the days following Murphy reflects often upon it. He believes he has now had a glimpse of the Madness. Imagine, to wish for the existence of completely unknown phenomena! This was not yet Doubt but could easily lead to it. This is what comes of all this thinking. Where does it get you? Look at Watt, confused, bewildered, doesn't know which way to go, ends up lying around, morose, talking about weeping and all such rot. Maybe the Unnamable has sent this odd noise just to teach Watt a lesson. It would not be hubris to think so. After all, Watt is a Hero and the former Priest of the One True Clan, those chosen of the Unnamable. Kick not, he'd advise Watt, and certainly he himself would take that very path. Life goes on. The Law must be followed. Shonso, the Tukisleker, meanwhile, has healed from his naming ceremony and has flawlessly performed his duties, collecting the secretions of the Mahaf into their various bags, keeping the insulating mat draped properly over the human throne, shooing flies and assorted vermin from the sleeping Murphy. Shonso is ready, the time has come to make him a breeder.

Accordingly then, one day while making his rounds Murphy gathers all the boys together and whispers to them, after which four of them suddenly seize Shonso.

"Time to kidnap the groom," says Murphy to the surprised Tukisleker.

The whole group of breeders then laughingly fall upon Shonso and completely cover him with shit.

"The Blackening of the Groom," says Murphy. "Remember, boy, you must smile throughout the entire process, until after the wedding."

Next the boys tie a short length of human rope around one of Shonso's ankles and pass the other end into the circle where the women make it fast. In return the women send out a human skin mat which the boys lay on the ground.

"During the day, my son," says Murphy, "the wedding band will be loosened and you will be free to move about and avoid the thrust and parry of infidel warriors. At night you will sleep on the groom's mat and the band will be retied to make sure you don't wander off the mat. Each morning the mat will be inspected by the breeders to make sure you haven't shat or pissed on it. You must go three days without relieving yourself in any way, and only after three days of such abstinence will I marry you. During the day the breeders will maintain close watch to see you do not stray. Be you staunch now and keep a smile upon your face."

And so begins the Kidnapping of Shonso which lasts the minimal three days as he somehow manages not to relieve himself in any way. Though he suffers mightily he at all times grimly grins. Each evening he is tied to the wedding band and the breeders tease him by forming small, mock circles and wiggling their butts at him. Each evening the Big Mahaf comes by and gets a report on Shonso's ordeal. On the evening of the third day Murphy has Shonso untied.

"It is time," he says.

Then, while all the men and boys watch and cheer, Shonso relieves himself. Copiously. For the first time since the Kidnapping his smile is genuine. All are impressed with his volume, it is a sign of how prolific a breeder he will be. As much as the men and boys of the One True Clan cheer, however, the men and boys of the surrounding clans hiss and boo. Since they are outnumbered, the men of Clan Murphy must root twice as hard to be heard. While all this is going on, the breeders have been scraping off some of the offal they previously smeared on Shonso, but only some of it. They do this artfully, leaving behind various designs, the sun, the moon, butts and pudenda. The uproar ceases when Murphy steps forward and raises his arms.

"Does anyone object to this marriage?" he shouts.

The clans surrounding erupt in shouts and cries of "Yes!" and various artificially produced sounds of flatulence.

Paying them no mind whatever Murphy calls to the circle.

"Do you, Mothers, take this boy as your latest husband?"

In reply, the women of the circle in unison stamp their left feet on the ground, then take one step to the right and wiggle their bums.

"Then who is Tukisleker now?" asks Murphy and the oldest of the breeders steps forward. "Prepare the groom!" Murphy shouts.

All the men and boys start fondling their genitalia and performing lewd gyrations, bumping and grinding, thrusting their hips back and forth, all the while whooping and sighing and rolling their eyes. The Tukisleker puts Shonso's hand on his penis and shows him how to rub up and down, back and forth. In no time at all, Shonso is tumescent. The Tukisleker replaces Shonso's hand with his own, leads him to one of the women and helps Shonso enter her. Now the chorus reaches a crescendo and all watch with lolling tongues and rolling eyes as Shonso, ever smiling, has his first orgasm.

The clans surrounding hiss and boo but Clan Murphy dances the wedding dance. They have a new breeder. As Shonso withdraws his still erect penis the men and boys shower him with roaches. The wedding is over.