A House Call - Part 5 of 5

MEL. Why not?

FRANCES. I’m not done.

 

MEL. Not done with what?

 

FRANCES. I normally do a lot more. I need a lot more. Don’t you think you can do it maybe, I don’t know, five or six more times? 

 

MEL. I would like very much to leave.

 

FRANCES. No! No, you can take more, I know it. If you take more, they’ll let me have more. 

 

MEL. Why do you want more?

 

FRANCES. Why wouldn’t I? Why would I want to be up and about and walking around feeling things and listening to things? I will take the peace and quiet when I can get it and this is how I get it. They put me under so much when I first started because I could take it. I took it better than anyone else. When I agreed to stay, they would only let me go under once or twice a day, whatever the main subject could take. It’s not enough. It’s just not enough! I spend the rest of my day trying to clear my goddamn head and nothing else works. Nothing even comes close! So, c’mon. Do me a favor, would you? Let me have more. Just a few more to help clear me out. Won’t you do that for your guest? (Mel jiggles the doorknob.) You’ve gotta sit, Mel. (Mel continues jiggling the doorknob.) Mel, sit!

 

MEL. I can’t.

 

FRANCES. Why not?

 

MEL. It’s that couch, Frances. I can’t sit on that couch. It’ll swallow me whole. I used to sit right there in that armchair and stare at that ugly thing. Wondering why I had it, how I got it. No one ever came over, no one needed to sit in it. It had one purpose and no purpose at the same time. It’s purpose was to be and that is not a purpose.

 

FRANCES. I think you’re putting a little too much stock in a couch, Mel. You’ve gotta sit down. (She stands.) I’ll let you take the chair if you want.

 

MEL. No, I think I’ll go. (Mel jiggles the doorknob and starts knocking on it.) I think I’ll go. I think I’ll go!

 

Frances grabs Remote 1 and flips the switch. Electricity. Mel drops to the floor.

 

FRANCES. Ah, sonofabitch! Why’d you make me do that?

 

She places Remote 1 back on the table and begins to drag Mel from the door towards the chair. The Evaluator enters, pocketing the third remote.

 

EVALUATOR. You forget things so easily in this job. Have to learn not to think. That’s the important thing. At least, I think so. (She notices Frances and Mel.) What the hell is this?

 

FRANCES. I flipped his switch.

 

EVALUATOR. You what?

 

FRANCES. You heard me, I flipped it.

 

EVALUATOR. How long ago?

 

FRANCES. What?

 

EVALUATOR. How long ago did you flip the switch?

 

FRANCES. Just a second ago, he’s - 

 

EVALUATOR. That is my job! You can flip your own switch all you want. Leave it off for all I care. But the subjects are my job! 

 

FRANCES. You would’ve done the same thing if you were here.

 

EVALUATOR. That right?

 

FRANCES. He was going on and on about his mother and the couch and wouldn’t stop rattling the doorknob -

 

EVALUATOR. The doorknob?

 

    Brief pause.

 

FRANCES. Uh, yeah. The doorknob. Weird guy. I think he just wanted to find you since you left.

 

EVALUATOR. Was he ready to leave?

 

FRANCES. No, no I don’t think so. I think he just wanted to find you so that he could go under again. He was getting antsy. That’s, um…why I flipped the switch. I figured he might freak out if he didn’t go under and I didn’t want him to cause a scream. Like, kick or yell or anything.

 

EVALUATOR. It’s not your job to make those calls.

FRANCES. Right. Speaking of your job. (She picks up Remote 1 and holds it out for the Evaluator.) You want to or should I?

 

EVALUATOR. Oh, Christ. (She snatches Remote 1 from Frances and flips the switch. Electricity. Mel slowly rises.) Welcome back to the land of the living, Mr. Datz.

 

MEL. Is it closing time?

 

EVALUATOR. How are you feeling?

 

MEL. I am.

 

EVALUATOR. Ms. Frances here told me that you were ready to go under again. Practically begging for it.

 

FRANCES. He was. You were, weren’t you, Mel?

 

    Mel thinks.
 

MEL. I don’t remember. 

 

EVALUATOR. That’s alright, Mr. Datz.

 

MEL. What do I do if I want to leave?

 

EVALUATOR. Then I’ll walk you out. 

 

MEL. And after that?

 

EVALUATOR. That’s out of my hands.

 

MEL. I think I’ll buy a new chair.

 

FRANCES. But you’re not ready to leave, are you, Mel?

 

MEL. (To Frances.) Would you come with me if I left? 

 

EVALUATOR. Oh, that’s an interesting question. Would you, Ms. Frances?

 

FRANCES. I don’t, uh…I don’t know. If I go, can I keep his room?

 

EVALUATOR. And that’s a stupid one. No, you may not. 

 

FRANCES. Look, he’s clearly not ready to leave. If you kicked him out now, he’d probably walk right into traffic while he “dwells” on things. 

 

EVALUATOR. Frankly, that’s not my concern.

 

MEL. Not sure what to do.

 

FRANCES. Let’s just put him under again, huh? Just really quick. Five seconds. You can put us both under, it’ll reset us, maybe he’ll give you more of a straight answer then.

EVALUATOR. Mr. Datz? What do you say? Want to go another time?

 

MEL. I think… (He stands, holding the picture frame.) I think I’m ready to leave.

 

EVALUATOR. Oh, good, then. I’ll walk you back to the front to grab your things.

 

FRANCES. No, no, I think he needs one more.

 

EVALUATOR. It doesn’t matter what you think. 

 

FRANCES. I’ve done this way more times than anyone. It makes me more of an expert on what he needs than you or anyone upstairs. 

 

EVALUATOR. Be that as it may, you are not the one calling those shots. I’m sorry, Ms. Frances, but you’re done for the day as well. 

 

FRANCES. That’s not fair!

 

EVALUATOR. Come, Mr. Datz.

 

Mel crosses towards the Evaluator. As Frances talks, the Evaluator removes Mel’s bracelet.

 

FRANCES. Wait! Just five more seconds. What’s five more seconds? It’s nothing! You can say I was out for a run. Look, I’ll sit down - (She crosses to the couch and sits.) - on this awful, no good couch and it’ll just be five measly seconds.

 

Brief pause. The Evaluator picks up Remote 2 and flips the switch on Remote 2. Electricity. Frances collapses into the couch. The Evaluator sighs.

 

EVALUATOR. One Mississippi - 

 

MEL. I think I’d like to stay.

 

EVALUATOR. What?

 

MEL. Just for a little.

 

EVALUATOR. Do you want to go under or -?

 

MEL. No, just stay.

 

    Mel crosses back towards the armchair and sits. 

 

EVALUATOR. We do need to clear out soon. We have to fit a studio apartment in here later. That’s a lot to cram in. (She places Remote 1 and Mel’s bracelet in the case and closes it. She leaves Remote 2 on the table.) I’ll be back in, say, six minutes? How does that sound?

MEL. Okay. (The Evaluator turns to exit.) Wait. (The Evaluator turns back. Mel gestures with the picture frame.) Can I keep this?

The Evaluator nods then exits. Mel picks up Remote 2. He stares at Frances’ body, expressionless. Then he looks between the picture frame and Remote 2. He leans back in the chair. Hold. Lights out.

End