Hellcat

HELLCAT
She said she loved me dearly that could not be denied
But could not leave her pussy cat. ’ Oh I love cats,’ I lied
So I agreed, I had no choice and she became my bride

And so our troth was plighted at a nuptial ceremony.
We made our little love nest in hope of harmony
The three of us together, my wife, the cat and me

I must admit I do not like that supercilious queen
It is the ugliest loathsome pet that I have ever seen.
My wife thinks it’s adorable and feeds it haut cuisine

It acts as though it owns the place with its supercilious air
It lies and snores contentedly upon my favourite chair
It bares its claws, to warn you that you’d better leave it there.

An after dinner glass of Chateauneuf du Pape
Replete, I settled by the fire for my post prandial nap.
The cursed creature leaped on me and landed in my lap

I tried to move her off of me. She arched her back and froze
Then snarling, spitting angrily she suddenly arose
And with her talons, needle sharp she scratched me on my nose.

`She will not use the cat flap but stands scratching at the door.
Demanding I should open it as I have done before
Twenty, thirty, forty times or maybe even more.

My heart within me leapt with joy. My wife had knit a mitten
Oh will we have a girl or boy? But no. my hopes were smitten
‘Oh don’t be silly husband dear. I’m hoping for a kitten.’

My pride, the lawn, once lush and green is now just brown and soggy
The flower beds are toilets for that infernal moggie.
Oh1 how I wish she’d disappear and we could have a doggie.

When I come home to have my tea He’d wag his tail and welcome me.
A friend to serve me faithfully He’ll rest his head upon my knee.
No cat would dare to bother me, he’d see them off immediately.

Alas for me. It cannot be. It is an idle fantasy.
My wife has said it’s her or me. A point on which we can’t agree
We must remain for all to see an everlasting trilogy.

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