Billy the Squid

Billy the Squid was owed fifty quid,
For a job he had done yesterday,
He had sold some gear for a cod named Fear.
The king of the underworld (or so they say)

So Billy went down to the wet-side of town,
To collect all that he was owed,
He knocked on a door on the 17th floor,
Whilst checking he hadn’t been followed,

A haddock in black threw the door back,
He was big, he was bad, he looked mean.
With a flick of his fin he gestured Bill in,
And told him he would shortly be seen.

‘Wait in the hall, I’ll make a phone call’
He said as he left Billy alone,
But this haddock was iffy, in fact he looked fishy
As he smiled and put down the phone.

You see the Cod had been battered, filleted then splattered,
And the haddock was feeling blasé,
He had murdered the Cod and framed the poor sod,
Who had almost got in the way

He sneaked out the flat disguised as a fat sprat
And swaggered as he walked into the day
The crab patrol were waiting so he gave them an updating
‘He’s a squid and he says you’re all gay’

Captain O’Shaun grabbed the bullhorn
‘Come down or we’re all coming up’
Whilst on floor 17 all was serene
Billy heard shouting and slowly stood up.

Billy grew scared cause up from the stairs,
The sound of the crab patrol came,
With the clicking of claws and the slamming of doors,
Somehow they knew Billy’s name.

They were armed to the teeth and held the belief
That justice and death were the same,
And if they saw Billy now it would be BLAM, BLAM, POW, POW!
And Billy’s mum, by a grave, in the rain.

He grabbed the phone, Oh mom please be home
He prayed with all his hearts might
And his luck was in, cause his Mum answered him,
His adoptive mom, Mrs Great-White.

Now under the sea is a good place to be,
And usually it’s a nice place to go
But this was one day when you’d best stayed away,
There was trouble in the waters below.

‘The haddock in black, he’s not coming back’,
Said Mrs White as she licked her teeth clean.
‘And those nasty claws with their interpreted laws,
Someone fed them through the shredding machine’.

‘And Billy my son, my little loved one,
We need a chat, you and I, alone,
It’s been a long day and I’ve a few things to say,
Just you wait till I get you back home’.