Virtual dating

 
Last job, ill just drop you off...
She asked, are you going home for your dinner, you had enough?
I said, I'm thinner, but I'm truly fed up..
you need to come out your cave and use a dating site...
I said id tried...
a few...
and now im a slave to this shite with no idea what to do...
She asked what I looked for..
I told her a girl of course...
I've seen a thousand profiles and read between a million lines... it takes up all my time and it ain't easy when it's full of lies..
She laughed and said welcome to the 21st century.. virtual reality is the new reality..
Surely virtual reality is not quite as good as reality I stated..
the clues in the name...
She laughed and told me it was one big game..
she asked me for an example and what I might say...
So I explained...

It says your non judgemental...
how's that working out for ya, sliding your finger across a 1000 pictures and discarding without so much as a conversation?
Is it any wonder why your still single, stumbling blindly into the next bad situation. ..

'I'm a good judge of character...'

Impossible, that's just hypocritical...!
Maybe write that up on your profile...

'Who do you think you are insulting'

Sorry, let's move on to the next thing... I've only just started...
the next thing is more a statement than a question...
but it says here your an atheist, but don't practise your religion. .
I do like a girl with a sense of humour..
im thinking of starting a church for non believers..

'I don't believe ya'

That's the spirit.. it's important to share banter...

'What?
I don't like boring people.. that shits old..'

So just be a little more exciting and not so droll...
'Sorry'
Don't be. ..
You don't like time wasters, I need some clarification...
one mans waste is another man treasure... does a stroll through the heather and a picnic under a tree, classify as time wasting or productivity...

'You are kinda strange.. you intrigue me'

It says you like Reading but I've never been...
I passed it a few times on the m3, what makes it a good place to see...

'No like books..
well mainly magazines, actually i prefer movies really'

It says here your curvy n bubbly..
but we both know bubbles are light and floaty and curvy is a polite way of saying your a little chunky, so you see why I'm confused..
which one are you?

'Are you cyber bullying me...'

It says you like honesty...
and by the way you look incredibly young for someone close to 40...

'Thanks, I use filters for my selfies'

I thought filters were for coffee?

'It makes me look a little less older'

Like make up... but virtual?

'Yea I guess so'...'how big is your cock'

It fits most holes.

'Show me please...'

At least you have good manners, but wait until we meet...

'Meet? Meet who.. meet what...'

You know like physically meet and interact.

'Fuck that! Show me your dick'

Arghhh forget it...
you can stick this poxy, virtual shit..