Not So Easy Is It&;#063;

no time to stop and stare?.they're doing that for
me?..they?.the?.Midnight?.movie?.Cowboy?..we saw the night of our first
date??.the kiss?my first ?.little romance.?the present I gave you?a
candle?..horse's head candle?.in colors?.the Dear John letter??on my
birthday??the letter I should never have sent??asking for the present
back??which you gave without complaint?.. you always had more class
that I?. that's for sure??at least back then?.never saw you
again?.don't know about now??is that you I see in her face?.in her
smile??all these years later??you can keep the candle if you let me
have the present back?..oh, it does not work that way?.they tell
me?it's a one-way clock?.can't hurt to try?..to get the present
back?..oh god, if only it worked that way?..but the one-way clock's
still ticking?..

going ?.you?. little? overachiever? you?.

Divide and conquer?.that's how?. it got ?.to me?. inside me?. away from
me ?.. became me?.until that's all there was of me?..until there
was?.no more of me ?.divide and conquer?.the soul?..before it has a
chance to grow??split the soundtrack from the image?.make two from
one?.. four from two?.. eight from four?.

Keep it?.going ?.you?. little? overachiever? you?.

There ain't no largo in THIS key, baby?.as we avanti?.con gusto?. out
of here?..while?.the getting's still good?.there's
only?..sound?.track?. echo?.. splitting?. in my mind??the low humming
subtext of a forgotten mistake?? going ?.going?.

Gotta go?.gotta go go ?. gotta go go go ?.you?. little? overachiever?
you?.

Split?.blur?.divide and conquer?24 frames per second of truth?..but not
the way I do it?.spirit me away on that carrier wave?. make the dim
flickering?..shadows of their eyes?. light?..way off in the
corner??where the screen is facing the wall?..the sound is turned down
low?.. humming? humming?..wide and low?..across the floor?. into my
shoes ?..under my toenails ??into my veins?. back to my brain?..where
it all began ??so we can turn up the volume?..and?..do it all over
again?..

going ?.you?. little? overachiever? you?.

The words can't last?.the image blurs?..it could have been so
sweet?.the echo vibrates the steering wheel??going much too fast??. all
out of focus?..no resolution?.humming buzzing pounding
flashing-past?.flashing-past?..flashing-past each passing car ?? each
passing street lamp ?..each passing hour day decade?.. flashing past?..
flashing past?.just keep flashing on that past?.

going ?.you?. little? overachiever? you?.

Nothing was ever the same again?.it was never the same the first
time?..there was no comparison?..how was I to know??now trapped by the
carrier wave??can't even pull the plug??tried that too?.

going ?.you?. little? overachiever? you?.

Nothing was ever quite good enough?.so that's what I wound up
with?..nothing?..a future of infinite options and choices.?.none
taken?.none chosen?..left with a present of no dimensions??a single
point of no interest?..when is a present not a gift?.now you know?..the
one-way clock's still?.

going ?.you?. little? overachiever? you?.

Too painful to resolve back into words?.phantom limbs?.trail?. blurred
exposures?..do I get a chance to start this tape from the beginning I
wonder?.erase what came before??or?..somehow I doubt it?.
after?..unlikely??..

going ?.you?. little? overachiever? you?.

That beautiful tune?.that wonderful song??the sweet clear crisp
memory?..the movie?.the kiss?..the little gift??..she liked me you
know?..I broke the little 45?record not gun ha ha?. into lotsa little
pieces?.it wasn't easy?..I used a hammer?..and a vise?..and my
feet?..and my bare hands??.and threw it all in the trash?..it wasn't
easy?.little did I know?.it was hard work?.

going ?.you?. little? overachiever? you?.

Even dad was shaken?.astounded?.appalled?..what did you do that for,
son?.it was a beautiful record?.a pretty song??.why?.kill it??it was
mine to do with as I please I paid for it now it's dead and gone I
don't want any record of my failure around??no evidence?..you
understand?.don't you?..he shook his head and walked away??you
shouldn't do things like that he said??.

going ?.you?. little? overachiever? you?.

Since then?.so many screw heads?.dweebs?..liars?.cheats?..dirt
bags?..scum bags?..fag hags ?.creeps??a zoological garden of the human
condition? and what a condition it's in?..career whores?..whores with
careers?.up close you can tell the difference?.though it might be too
late?.by then??ride tall in the saddle?..on the painted?..wooden??
pony?.on the swirling merry-go-crazy?..HI-HO HI-HO It's
off?.we?.go?.jump?.now?..JUMP OFF?.just in time?..to land on the
sand?.ambergris beached whale of a time?..news of the world?sharp
dressed man just misses fiberglass coffin?.with the built-in one-way
clock?.

going ?.you?. little? overachiever? you?.

The horse's head candle survived?.for thirty years or so??dragged from
pillar to post and back??sometimes on my mantle?..sometimes stored in a
box??I last saw it behind my little bed upstairs?...in my room?..after
mom died??at last??

going ?.you?. little? overachiever? you?.it's not so easy is it?..you
can't just leave my love behind like that?..it's not that easy is
it??

you?. little? overachiever? you?.

But?.leave it behind I did?.in the attic?.behind my little
bed?..and??in my mind??to be thrown out??with the rest?..of the
trash??yet?.how was I to know?.it follows me still??there was no one
left to warn me?.even if they could?.I can hear it just
now??..whispering?..what are you going to do?..with the present you
have left?.

you?. little? overachiever? you?.