Tired Of Trying

I'm tired of trying to be crying out for help from you

I'm in this all alone

and I'm not ok

but don't even notice

don't even hold me

just leave me alone again and again

neglect me like you always do

I'll hold on somehow

I always do, even if I wake up in the floor

I can't even sleep anymore

Maybe I'll slowly fade away

into a weakness that finally consumes me

the nightmares atleast won't plague me

I'll just hallucinate

You won't notice

You won't listen

I'll never be helped

Never be saved

never given the medicine I need to help me

Just left in the dust

left in the sorrows

surrounded by pain

no hope I can see

Too depressed to even take my own life

too angry to hide my tears

but you won't notice

your too consumed in your own thoughts and your own pride

I'm raising myself alone

I was left here

and the only ones who understand my cries are others like me

ones who are miles away

ones who cant be in my everyday life in reality

some I worry about that havent been on in a while

I wonder if they took their life, if their dead

a few say I've saved them, begged them not to bleed, told them not to leave, said to find strength in something

but I sometimes feel its hypocrytical as suicidal as I've been still they say I've saved them so I smile a little

just through a broken phone screen and a laptop

we all cry and pour out our hearts to each other making many haters along the way but haters gonna hate i tell the others not to let them get in their way

but its okay,

its life for me now

has been for quite a while

maybe my system will shut down soon and I'll drift away to heavens gates if God will spare a confused girl who's sinned alot but given away all the hope she'd ever got

hope something will go right without a wrong overwhelming it

so broken ones as you read this, know even KarissaRawr has felt this way

you all mean alot and aren't too far from all I've got

someone in my real life I began this poem for, I bet you can all guess who if you read the words just right but, I've ended this poem for all of you

I even get tired of trying

I have it worse then most of you think

some of you've said you wished you could be who I am maybe this poem will change your mind