MAN RULES

MAN RULES

A COUPLE OF MONTHS AGO A FRIEND FROM LONDON SEND ME SOMETHING HE FOUND IN THE INTERNET CALLED “MAN RULES”.
IT’S ABOUT LIFE FROM MEN POINTS OF VIEW, OF COURSE.
SO I DECIDED TO WRITE MY OWN SET OF RULES AND I WILL SHARE THEM WITH YOU.
SO HERE IT GOES

MAN RULES

HE SAYS:
AT LAST A GUY HAS TAKEN THE TIME TO WRITE THIS ALL DOWN.
FINALLY, THE GUY’S SIDE OF THE STORY.
( he thinks it’s pretty good , haha!)
WE ALWAYS HEAR THE RULES FROM THE FEMALE SIDE.
NOW, HERE ARE THE RULES FROM THE MALE SIDE.
THESE ARE OUR RULES!
PLEASE NOTE: THESE ARE ALL NUMBERED “1”….ON PURPOSE!

AND HERE ARE MY RULES AS WELL. FROM MY FEMALE POINT OF VIEW.
HOPE YOU AGREE, GIRLS!
(my rules are numbered 0, cause they won’t and don’t fall in any category )

1-MEN ARE NOT MIND READERS

0-I AM A MIND READER, SO DON’T BOTHER ME WITH NONSENSE I ALREADY KNOW.

1-LEARN TO WORK THE TOILET SEAT.
YOU’RE A BIG GIRL.IF IT’S UP, PUT IT DOWN.
WE NEEDED UP, YOU NEEDED DOWN.
YOU DON’T HEAR US COMPLAINING ABOUT YOU LEAVING IT DOWN.

0-MAYBE WE HAVE TO LEARN TO WORK THE TOILET SEAT. BUT YOU NEED TO LEARN TO WORK EVERYTHING ELSE.. BECAUSE YOU’RE A BIG MAN!

1-SUNDAY SPORTS IS LIKE THE FULL MOON OR THE CHANGE OF THE TIDE. LET IT BE.

0-SUNDAY SPORTS IS LIKE THE “FOOL” MOON. IT MAKES US BECOME SHE-WOLVES.

1-CRYING IS BLACKMAIL.
0-CRYING IS RAGE

1-ASK FOR WHAT YOU WANT.
LET US BE CLEAR ON THIS ONE:
SUBTLE HINTS DO NOT WORK!
STRONG HINTS DO NOT WORK!
OBVIOUS HINTS DO NOT WORK!
JUST SAY IT!

0-WE’VE BEEN SAYING IT SINCE ADAM AND EVE: WE’RE FED UP WITH YOU GUYS!
AND MOST OF THE TIME YOU HAVE IT ON YOUR FACE.
THE THING IS: YOU DON’T LIKE TO HEAR!

1-YES AND NO ARE PERFECTLY ACCEPTABLE ANSWERS TO ALMOST EVERY QUESTION

0-YES AND NO ARE PERFECTLY ACCEPTABLE QUESTIONS TO ALMOST EVERY ANSWER

1-COME TO US WITH A PROBLEM ONLY IF YOU WANT HELP SOLVING IT. THAT’S WHAT WE DO
SYMPATHY IS WHAT YOUR GIRLFRIENDS ARE FOR.

0-COME TO ME WITH A PROBLEM, I WILL GO BACK TO YOU WHEN YOU HAVE SOLVED IT.

1-ANYTHING WE SAID SIX MONTHS AGO IS INADMISSIBLE IN AN ARGUMENT. IN FACT, ALL COMMENTS BECOME NULL AND VOID AFTER 7 DAYS.

0-ANYTHING YOU SAID AFTER 7 DAYS IS INADMISSIBLE BECAUSE YOU ARE NOT BEING SINCERE
ANYTHING WE SAY STANDS ALMOST FOR EVER, EVEN IF YOU DON’T WANT TO BE AWARE OF THIS FACT-

1-IF YOU THINK YOU’RE FAT, YOU PROBABLY ARE.
SO DON’T ASK US

0-IF YOU THINK YOU’RE FAT, PROBABLY IS BECAUSE YOUR SECRETARY SAYS SO.

1-IF SOMETHING WE SAID CAN BE INTERPRETED TWO WAYS AND ONE OF THE WAYS MAKES YOU SAD OR ANGRY, WE MEAN THE OTHER ONE

0-IF SOMETHING YOU SAID CAN BE INTERPRETED TWO WAYS, BOTH WAYS ALWAYS MAKES US SAD AND ANGRY

1-YOU CAN EITHER ASK US TO DO SOMETHING, OR TELL US HOW YOU WANT IT DONE.
NOT BOTH.
IF YOU ALREADY KNOW BEST HOW TO DO IT, JUST DO IT YOURSELF

0-YOU CAN ASK ME TO DO SOMETHING. EVEN ASK FOR THE RIGHT WAY TO DO IT, BUT I DON’T THINK SO….THANK YOU VERY MUCH!!!! INDEED!!!

1-WHENEVER POSSIBLE, PLEASE SAY WHATEVER YOU HAVE TO SAY DURING COMMERCIALS

0-WE SAY WHATEVER WE HAVE TO SAY WHEN WE’RE READY FOR IT. IT CAN BE DURING COMMERCIALS, DURING SUNDAY SPORTS , DURING INTERCOURSE…..EVERY TIME IS THE PERFECT TIME TO SAY WHAT WE HAVE TO SAY

1-CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS DID NOT NEED DIRECTIONS AND NEITHER DO WE.

0-CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS DID NOT NEED DIRECTIONS??!!!!HE ARRIVED IN AMERICA THINKING IT WAS INDIA!!! FOR CHRIST SAKE!!!! GIVE ME A BREAK!!!!

1-ALL MEN SEE ONLY IN SIXTEEN COLOURS, LIKE WINDOWS DEFAULT SETTINGS.
PEACH, FOR EXAMPLE, IS A FRUIT, NOT A COLOUR. PUMPKIN IS ALSO A FRUIT. WE HAVE NO IDEA WHAT MAUVE IS.

0-ALL MEN SEE IN ONLY SIXTEEN COLOURS BECAUSE THEY LACK IMAGINATION.
AS FOR MAUVE, IT’S A FLOWER WITH A PARTICULAR TINT….WHY DON’T YOU LOOK IT UP IN THE DICTIONARY??

1-IF IT ITCHES, IT WILL BE SCRATCHED.
WE DO THAT

0-YEAH!!….JUST LIKE DOGS…

1-IF WE ASK WHAT IS WRONG AND YOU SAY “NOTHING”, WE WILL ACT AS NOTHING’S WRONG.
WE KNOW YOU’RE LYING, BUT IT IS JUST NOT WORTH THE HASSLE

0-WE ARE NOT LYING.
JUST BEING POLITE, AND TRYING NOT TO BEGIN AN ARGUMENT.

1-IF YOU ASK A QUESTION YOU DON’T WANT AN ANSWER TO, EXPECT AN ANSWER YOU DON’T WANT TO HEAR

0-WE ALWAYS WANT AN ANSWER FOR OUR QUESTIONS….THE QUESTION IS: DO YOU KNOW HOW TO ANSWER ALL OUR QUESTIONS?

1-WHEN WE HAVE TO GO SOMEWHERE, ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING YOU WEAR IS FINE…REALLY.

0-WHEN WE HAVE TO GO SOMEWHERE, ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING YOU WEAR IS OUT OF TUNE IF WE DON’T MANAGE TO TELL YOU IN A SUBTLE WAY THAT THAT OUTFIT IS NOT PROPER FOR THE OCCASION.

1-DON’T ASK WHAT WE’RE THINKING ABOUT UNLESS YOU’RE PREPARED TO DISCUSS SUCH TOPICS AS BASEBALL OR GOLF

0-DON’T ASK WHAT WE’RE THINKING ABOUT UNLESS YOU’RE PREPARED TO HEAR SOME NASTY THINGS ABOUT YOU

1-YOU HAVE ENOUGH CLOTHES

0-YOU HAVE ENOUGH BEERS

1-YOU HAVE TOO MANY SHOES

0-YOU HAVE TOO MANY GOLF CLUBS

1-I AM IN SHAPE. ROUND IS SHAPE!

0-I AM IN SHAPE. YOU LOOK LIKE A BEAR

HE SAYS:
THANK YOU FOR READING THIS.
YES, I KNOW, I HAVE TO SLEEP IN THE COACH TONIGHT.

BUT WE LIKE THAT. DID YOU KNOW MEN REALLY DON’T MIND THAT?. IT’S LIKE CAMPING

PASS THIS TO AS MANY MEN AS YOU CAN, TO GIVE THEM A LAUGH
PASS THIS TO AS MANY WOMEN AS YOU CAN, TO GIVE THEM A BIGGER LAUGH

I SAY:
SO THIS IS IT
I’M A GODDESS WITH 22 COMMANDMENTS
GOD HAS ONLY TEN BECAUSE HE’S MERCIFUL
HOPE YOU’RE READY TO BE ONE OF THE SHEEP IN MY FLOCK, MAN!
AMEN