SHADES OF GRAY

SHADES OF GRAY

BLACK HUMOUR

SHORT STORY

JEREMY OPENS HIS EYES. HE CAN BARELY SEE TROUGH THE DAMMED THROBBING HEADACHE. WHERE IS HE?.... OH!....NOW HE REMEMBERS !... HE HAD THIS HORRIBLE BRAIN TUMOR SURGERY. HE TOUCHES HIS HEAD....YES....IT'S WRAPPED IN BANDAGES. IT FEELS WEIRD...GOSH!

HE TRIES TO FOCUS, BUT HIS EYESIGHT IS BLURRED. HE SEES ALL IN SHADES OF GRAY. HE GETS SCARED....MAYBE IT'S BECAUSE IS EARLY MORNING?....YEAH.... IT MUST BE THAT....THAT'S WHY HE SEES EVERYTHING GRAY....

THE DOOR OPENS AND A DOCTOR COMES IN.

'WELL!...HOW ARE YOU DOING THIS MORNING?...A VERY COLD DAY I MUST TELL YOU. IT LOOKS AS IF IT'S GOING TO SNOW!'

HE APPROACHES THE BED.

'LETS SEE...'

HE TAKES HIS PULSE, AND WITH A SMALL TORCH, EXAMINES HIS EYES.

'GOOD!...NOTHING WRONG HERE....IT SEEMS YOU'RE DOING PRETTY WELL!....DOES IT HURT?'

'WELL DOC....YEAH!...SORT OF...CAN I HAVE A PAIN-KILLER?'

'SURE! I'LL CALL THE NURSE AND....OH!...ALMOST FORGOT....YOUR GIRLFRIEND IS HERE!'

JEREMY LOOKS SURPRISED. HE DOESN'T REMEMBER HAVING ANY GIRLFRIEND.

'EXCUSE ME ?!...I'M A BIT CONFUSED HERE... I CAN'T...MM.... CAN'T REMEMBER ANY GIRLFRIEND...'

'DON'T WORRY MATE!....DON'T YOU WORRY!....THIS THINGS SOMETIMES HAPPEN DURING THE POST OP....'

THE DOOR OPENS AGAIN AND A NURSE COMES IN, BRINGING A TRAY WITH A GLASS OF WATER AND SOME PILLS.

'HERE ARE YOUR PAIN KILLERS!...LOOK... I WILL LEAVE YOU NOW...TAKE YOUR TIME....RELAX...YOUR MEMORY WILL COME BACK IN A COUPLE OF HOURS, AND A GOOD REST WILL DO THE REST...HA HA!!.. TAKE A NAP, CHAP...I WILL BE BACK BY MIDDAY'

THE NURSE GOES OUT AND THE DOCTOR CLOSES THE DOOR BEHIND HER. JEREMY SIGHS....WHEW!...O.K., A GIRLFRIEND.....MY GOD!....I STILL CAN'T REMEMBER....MAYBE CLARISSA.... OR JOAN...STELLA?...WHO KNOWS!.....HE CLOSES HIS EYES AND FALLS ASLEEP.

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JEREMY OPENS HIS EYES...EVERYTHING IS STILL GRAY. THE HEADACHE HAS SUBSIDED THOUGH, AND HE'S FEELING BETTER.

A TAP AT THE DOOR ,AND THE DOCTOR COMES IN.

'WELL, WELL WELL!....IT LOOKS AS IF YOU HAVE RECOVERED!...SO....'

HE GOES TO THE WINDOW AND PULLS UP THE BLINDS.

'SO...SEE? AND AWFUL GRAY DAY...IT'S STARTING TO SNOW!...WOW!'

JEREMY PUTS THE BED IN AN UPWARD POSITION.

'HEY DOC... I FEEL HUNGRY!'

'WELL, YOU'LL HAVE TO WAIT FOR THAT....IT'S TOO SOON!....YOU CAN HAVE AN APPLE JUICE . I WILL TELL THE NURSE....BUT IN ABOUT A COUPLE OF HOURS. O.K. ?'

'O.K. DOC...IF YOU SAY SO...'

'AND WHAT ABOUT YOUR GIRLFRIEND, HA ?...SHE'S EAGER TO COME IN AND SAY HELLO!'

'IM' SORRY DOC!...I CAN'T REMEMBER HER...WHAT'S HER NAME? AND WHAT'S SHE LIKE?'

'WELL...SHE'S THE SKINNY TYPE...TALL AND BLOND...MM... VERY PRETTY, INDEED! CONGRATS, MATE!....AND HER NAME IS MELISSA.'

JEREMY CAN'T RECALL ANY MELISSA... NO MELISSA IN HIS LIFE WHATSOEVER. HE GETS WORRIED...WHAT IF HE LOSES PART OF HIS MEMORY? HE DOESN'T LIKE THE THINKING OF IT AT ALL!

'LOOK DOC, I CAN'T REMEMBER YET...BUT BRING HER IN. MAYBE WHEN I SEE HER, I'LL REMEMBER EVERYTHING. MY MEMORY HAVE TO COME BACK!...I HOPE SO!... I'M WORRIED!....'

'DON'T BE, DON'T BE!...YOU SEE...EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE ALL RIGHT!...JUST WAIT AND SEE!....THE OPERATION WAS A SUCCESS, I ASSURE YOU!...AND THE TUMOR DIDN'T COMPROMISE ANY IMPORTANT PART OF YOUR BRAIN,SO....CALM DOWN!!...I'LL GO AND FETCH THE GIRL!'

HE WINKS TO JEREMY, AND BEFORE HE COULD STOP HIM OR SAY ANYTHING ELSE, OFF HE WENT IN SEARCH OF THE MYSTERIOUS FIANCEE....OH WELL!...................................................

THE DOCTOR COMES BACK WITH A TALL SKINNY BLOND GIRL OF TWENTY SOMETHING...,AND ...F--K!!... SHE ISN'T PRETTY AT ALL! THIS GIRL COULDN'T BE HIS GIRLFRIEND!.. IT'S IMPOSSIBLE...NO WAY!..SOMETHING IS VERY WRONG!...

THE GIRL COMES QUICKLY TO HIS SIDE.

'OH! DEREK, DARLING!.... I'M SO HAPPY YOU'RE ALL RIGHT!...I WAS SCARED TO DEATH!...OH MY DARLING!'

SHE TAKES HIS HAND AND KISSES IT. JEREMY SHAKES HER OFF. HE'S ASTOUNDED.

'WAIT, WAIT, WAIT!!.... I'M NOT DEREK!...YOU'RE MAKING A BIG MISTAKE HERE, LADY! MY NAME IS JEREMY...JEREMY AND...'

'BUT DEREK!...SWEETHEART!...IT'S ME!, MELISSA!...'

'SORRY! BUT I DON'T KNOW WHO YOU ARE!...I DON'T KNOW ANY MELISSA...YOU'RE IN THE WRONG ROOM.... TELL HER DOC!'

THE DOCTOR LOOKS CONCERNED AND WORRIED. HE FROWNS.

'WELL...MMM... YOU ARE DEREK....DEREK HASTINGS....REMEMBER?...'

'WHAT?!...ARE YOU CRAZY?!....LOOK DOC, YOU'RE SEEING THE WRONG PATIENT. THIS IS ME, JEREMY WORTHINGTON, FROM NORTH LONDON,... OK?...I GOT A BRAIN TUMOR SURGERY YESTERDAY....OR TWO DAYS AGO...I DON'T KNOW...I'M REALLY CONFUSED HERE....PLEASE DOC, CHECK THE CLINICAL RECORD!..MAYBE THE RECORD HAS BEEN SWITCHED AND...'

MELISSA STARTS TO CRY. THE DOCTOR PATS HER BACK ,CONSOLING.

'O.K.,...O.K.,....LET ME HANDLE THIS MISS.... LOOK DEREK...MMM.....JEREMY....WHATEVER!....I WAS IN THE SURGERY ROOM, SO I KNOW EXACTLY WHO YOU ARE...NOW...LISTEN CAREFULLY...I KNOW YOU'RE CONFUSED RIGHT NOW....SOMETIMES IT HAPPENS. IT HAS BEEN A LONG AND COMPLICATED SURGERY...BUT YOU ARE DEREK HASTINGS! TRY TO REMEMBER!...O.K. ?'

JEREMY IS VERY UPSET. WHAT'S THIS BLOODY BASTARD SAYING!? HE KNOWS PERFECTLY WELL WHO HE IS !...AND THIS STUPID TACKY BLOND CRING HER EYES OUT!.... WHAT A SOAP! THIS HAS TO STOP ....GOOD LORD!. HE STRAIGHTS UP AND TRIES TO GET OUT OF BED. THE DOCTOR GRABS HIS ARM AND STOPS HIM.

'WOW, WOW WOW! NOW STOP THIS NONSENSE ,SIR! YOU CAN'T GET OUT OF BED! JUST COOL DOWN!...WE WILL SORT THIS IMMEDIATELY!'

'OF COURSE WE WILL!...AND GET THIS GIRL OUT OF HERE!...NOW!!'

MELISSA CONTINUES HER WEEPING. THE DOCTOR TAKES HER OUT TO THE CORRIDOR. HE LOOKS AT JEREMY WITH DISAPPROVAL IN HIS EYES, AND SLOWLY CLOSES THE DOOR. HE TAKES MELISSA'S HAND IN HIS AND SMILES REASSURINGLY.

'LOOK, LOVE...SOMETIMES THIS HAPPENS DURING POST OP...UNDERSTAND?...NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT....COME ON!...HE WILL REMEMBER EVENTUALLY...LET'S GIVE HIM SOME MORE TIME....LETS SAY.. UNTIL TOMORROW?...O.K.? SO....GO HOME AND TAKE A NICE CUP OF TEA WITH TWO PARACETAMOLS AND TAKE IT EASY...HERE'S MY MOBILE NUMBER. YOU CAN CALL ME WHENEVER YOU FEEL LIKE IT....NO PROBLEM, DEAR... AND TOMORROW YOU COME BACK, LETS SAY ABOUT THREE IN THE AFTERNOON, AND YOU'LL SEE EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE ALL RIGHT...O.K. LOVE?...CHEER UP!

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THE DOCTOR COMES BACK. JEREMY IS FURIOUS AND SCARED. WHAT'S HAPPENING HERE!. THE DOCTOR SEEMS PREOCCUPIED AND SCARED TOO. IS THIS HIS IMAGINATION?....DOES HE HAVE ANY IMAGINATION LEFT?... THE DOCTOR FOLDS HIS ARMS AND LOOKS OUT OF THE WINDOW.

'IT SEEMS WE HAVE A PROBLEM HERE...OH, YEAH!'

HE TURNS AROUND AND CONFRONTING JEREMY, HE ASKS ABRUPTLY :

'WHAT'S YOUR NAME ?'

'JEREMY ,OF COURSE!...JEREMY HASTINGS...FROM WEMBLEY, 45 ROSE DRIVE...COME ON, MAN!'

THE DOCTOR STARES AT JEREMY-DEREK, A WORRIED LOOK IN HIS EYES.

'MMM.....SO I SEE....MMM...'

HE GOES THROUGH THE CLINICAL RECORD AGAIN.

'MMM....LOOK...I THINK I WILL CALL DR. BARR, WHO IS A NEUROLOGIST, TO COME AND SEE YOU ...I DON'T GET IT! YOU SHOULD KNOW BY NOW WHO YOU ARE!..MMM... I THINK...'

'YOU DON'T THINK, YOU BASTARD!...I PERFECTLY KNOW WHO I AM !...YOU'RE GETTING ON MY NERVES!..GET OUT OF HERE!!'

THE DOCTOR SHRUGS HIS SHOULDERS, SHAKES HIS HEAD AND LEAVES. JEREMY CALLS THE NURSE. WHEN SHE COMES IN, HE TRIES HARD AND SMILES AT HER.

'COULD YOU PLEASE BRING ME MY MOBILE AND MY WALLET?...I NEED THEM URGENTLY...'

' OF COURSE, SIR!...THEY SHOULD BE RIGHT HERE ON THE SIDE TABLE...LETS SEE...'

THE DOOR OPENS AGAIN. THIS TIME THE DOCTOR COMES IN WITH ANOTHER MAN .

'I JUST FOUND DR. BARR IN THE CORRIDOR. WE ARE LUCKY, DEREK !...NOW...HE'S GOING TO ASK YOU SOME QUESTIONS AND THEN WE'LL TAKE A CAT SCAN OF YOUR BRAIN, MAKE SOME TESTS...WE HAVE TO FIND OUT WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU!...'

JEREMY IS VERY NERVOUS. THE HEADACHE IS BACK AND UNDERSTANDING IS GETTING DIFFICULT. HE CAN'T THINK RIGHT WITH THIS UNBEARABLE PAIN IN HIS LEFT TEMPLE.

'LOOK DOC...HERE'S MY WALLET...I'M GOING TO SHOW YOU MY I.D...'

HE OPENS IT AND TAKES THE I.D. OUT.

'SO HERE, AS YOU CAN SEE....'

HE LOOKS AT IT BEFORE HANDLING IT TO THE DOC. A BLOND GUY SMILES AT HIM FROM THE PICK. WITH A SHOCKED WHITE FACE HE PUTS IT AGAIN IN THE WALLET. THE DOCTOR COMES FORWARD.

'WHAT'S WRONG?...SO LET ME SEE YOUR I.D.!...WHAT'S THE MATTER, BOY?'

HE TAKES THE WALLET FROM JEREMY'S HANDS.

'WHAT WE HAVE HERE!...SEE!...YOU'RE DEREK WORTHINGTON, FROM GREENWICH!...LOOK!'

JEREMY DOESN'T WANT TO LOOK. THIS IS A NIGHTMARE! HE HAS NEVER HEARD THAT NAME BEFORE!..DEREK...WHAT'S GOING ON?!..NOW HE'S REALLY PANICKY!

THE TWO DOCTORS LOOK CONCERNED. DOCTOR BARR SHAKES HIS HEAD.

' I DEFINITELY THINK WE SHOULD DO SOME MORE TESTS!...'

JEREMY GETS FRANTIC.

'I DON'T WANT MORE TESTS!...I WILL CALL MY LAWYER RIGHT NOW!... YOU TWO ,GET OUT OF HERE!...GET OUT!!'

BOTH DOCTORS DECIDE TO LEAVE. THE LAWYER WILL SOLVE AT LEAST ONE OF THE IDENTITY PROBLEMS.

JEREMY TAKES HIS MOBILE TO CALL HIS LAWYER, ARNOLD GRAFF. HE SEARCHES THE DIRECTORY...B....D....G....NO.... NO GRAFF IN G...AND...F--K!.. ALL THE NAMES ARE UNKNOWN TO HIM..SO...IS THIS A JOKE, A HOAX?...IS HE DEAD?...UNBELIEVABLE! ...HE CAN'T REACH HIS FRIENDS, HIS FAMILY...HE CAN'T GET IN TOUCH WITH ANYBODY! HE DOESN'T REMEMBER THE NUMBERS BY HEART!...BLOODY HELL!! ... HE SHOUTS AND CRIES IN IMPOTENCE, UNTIL A BIG, RUDE MALE NURSE COMES IN AND GIVES HIM A SHOT. IN TEN SECONDS HE FEELS DIZZY, AND FALLS SOUND ASLEEP....

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NEXT MORNING THE DOCTOR IS IN HIS OFFICE TALKING WITH MELISSA.

'LOOK DEAR, DR. BARR AND I THINK THAT THE BEST WE COULD DO IS PUT HIM IN A PSYCHIATRIC WARD WHILE TESTING HIM. AND LATER TAKE HIM TO A MENTAL HEALTH CLINIC... BUT FOR THAT, WE WILL NEED YOUR COLLABORATION... YOU'LL HAVE TO FILL AND SIGN THIS FORM, AS HE DOESN'T HAVE ANOTHER NEXT TO KIN...SORRY...IT HAS TO BE YOU, LOVE....SORRY ,BUT THIS IS HOW THINGS WORK OUT, SO...WOULD YOU SIGN AND LET US TAKE CARE OF THE MENTAL WELFARE OF YOUR BEAU?'

MELISSA SIGHS.

' IF IT'S FOR THE BETTER.....WHERE DO I HAVE TO SIGN, DOC?'