White lies on black humour

WHITE LIES ON BLACK HUMOUR

COMMEDY IN ONE ACT

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WHITE LIES ON BLACK HUMOR

ACT I

Scene 1

Downtown junk-food restaurant, full of people. In the upper floor, two men are seated at a table. One of them, Clifford Banks,is finishing his hamburger. He is thirtyish and very handsome. Blue eyes, curly dark brown hair and an incredible smile. He is tall and well built,in contrast with the other man,Randy Lowell, who is short and sturdy. Randy is younger than Clifford but he looks tired and worn out. His life has'nt been easy. And even we can't say he's a Romeo, he is the sexiest of them both,with feline green eyes shadowed by heavy eyelids and full lips twisted in scorn.He has finished his fish and chips and is drinking beer.

Cliff

-As I was telling you....yesterday I saw Corinne...she looked pretty well, considering...

Randy

-But what really happen? John told me about the accident but he didn't give any details

Cliff

-Well... she lost a leg.

Randy

-Oh God! That's terrible! Does it show?

Cliff

-Of course it shows! she has a plastic leg!

Randy

-My God!....I can't believe it! I was going to ask her for dinner tomorrow....

Cliff

-You still can...she didn't lose her boobs, haha!

Randy

-Come on ,man! I don't think I can cope with the plastic leg issue.

Cliff

-What's your problem? If Paul could cope with Heather's leg, I don't see why you shouldn't with Corinne's.

Randy

-Paul is no example, he's more than sixty

Cliff

-Meaning what?

Randy

-Meaning that I'm sure he didn't visit Miss Pussy very often.He didn't have to see that leg every day!... And anyway at his age who cares!... I'm only 27!

Cliff

-Don't be such an asshole! You don't have to marry the girl! You're only going to dine with her, don't you?

Randy

-Yeah...Well... I had other plans as well.

Cliff

-Oh!... I see!...Don't worry man!...She doesn't need two legs to do a blow-job.

Randy

-Come on! This is serious! I have a crush on her...

Cliff

-Well...she had a crash all right! Ha ha ha!

Randy

-Piss off!...Ha ha!... You make me laugh!...But it isn't funny at all! I don't know what to do...

Cliff

-If I were you, I'd forget about it. I'm right...It's not worth the trouble..There are a lot of nice girls with two legs around this city!

Randy shrugs his shoulders.Cliff is right...he should call Vicky or Christine instead...

Randy

-Yeah...But I like her so much! I really think she is the perfect match for me...What a pitty!

Cliff

-Yeah...you're going to get over it, man...faster than you think...

Cliff's mobile rings. He answers.

Cliff

-Hey!...What's up?...yeah...nothing, really... Yeah! It was a surprise, babe!...Loved to see you too!...well...I'm with Randy...Randy Lowell, yes...well, why not... we're in B.K...sure!...see you then!...bye!

Cliff puts down the phone and with a smile looks at Randy in the eye

Cliff

-That was Corinne...

Randy

-Really?

Cliff

-Yeah..and she'll be here in less than twenty minutes!

Randy

-Oh God! I don't think I'm ready! It's so sudden! And to see her knowing that...It gives me the creeps!

Cliff

-Well...Don't you dare say anything!...She doesn't want to talk about it, and she thinks you don't know what happened...So she is likely to say that she twisted her leg by falling down the stairs...

Randy

-Don't worry!...I'm not going to say anything!... And I'll be off five minutes after her arrival...You know me. I can't lie or conceal anything...That I know, will be written all over my face

Cliff

-O.K. man...Do as you please...Another pint?

He stands up and goes to fetch more beer. Randy sighs and looks out of the window..........

Just as Cliff comes back with the drinks, a beautiful blond comes limping up the stairs. She's medium height and lean. She's wearing black loose jeans and a white top-tank.She helps herself up with a walking stick

Cliff leaves the beers on the table and goes to greet her

Cliff

-Hi sweetie!...Nice to see you again!..How's it going?

Corinne

-Fine!...Whew! That was some stairs!

Cliff

-You remember Randy, don't you?

Randy stands up, and nervously comes forward to say hello

Corinne

-Of course I do!....How are you, Randy!...It's been a long time!...

Randy

-Hi!...yeah....A long t..t..time!..yeah!...

He looks uncomfortable and uneasy. Corinne looks at him wondering....What's wrong with this guy?

Cliff

-Sit down! Sit down!...Here, take a beer.... so Randy... isn't she looking great?!

Randy

-Aha....hmm....great!..

Corinne

-Oh darling, you make me blush! I don't think I look good at all, with my twisted leg and this old fashioned walking stick I borrowed fron uncle Aleister...

Cliff

-You look wonderful, darling!... Isn't it so, Randy?

Randy

-Yes....Hm...Yes...ah...aha,,,Oh! It's getting late!...I'd rather be going...Nice to meet you Corinne. Hope you get better...a...about the leg... I mean...a yeah, well... bye!

He stands up abruptly and lefts in a hurry. Cliff shrugs and smiles.

Cliff

-This unpredictable old Randy!...He will never change! Ha ha!

Corinne

-What's the matter with this guy?!He looked at me as if I was Notre Dame's Hunchback!...Gosh!

Cliff

-Oh! He's nuts!...Don't pay attention sweetheart! He's been acting very weird lately... To tell you the truth, I'm a little bit worried....Anyway....

Corinne

-Well!, I thought he had a crush on me, but today he acted as if he thought I was ugly and repulsive...He was like shocked to see me use a stick...and that only for a twisted ankle!..Imagine if it where for the lose of a leg!... What a jerk!

Cliff

-Ha ha!...That was funny!...The lose of a leg! Ha ha!...I think he has an issue with cripples...something that happened when he was a child...

Corinne

-Oh well! Poor Randy!...Let´s talk about something else, darling!....What about us?

Cliff

-What about us?...What about us going the hell out of here in my car to Brighton?... what about spending the whole week-end down there?

Corinne

-Bright idea!...Brighton, here we go!...

THE END