Dialogue #1

By keithjames4242

Tue, 17 Jul 2012
  • 713 reads
4 comments
 

J, 42, a patron at a pizza place.
X, 22, an employee.

J: I have a complaint.
X: Okay…What’s your complaint?
J: Someone wrote the N word on the bathroom wall.
X: That’s your complaint?
J: Is that not something to complain about?
X: No…it is…it’s just…there’s a lot of shit on those walls. A lot. It’s just weird that you picked that to complain about.
J: Is racism not something you care about?
X: I do. I do. But I mean…in comparison to the other things on that wall, I just don’t think it’s high up on our priorities. Someone wrote Heil Hitler…now that’s a big deal.
J: Someone wrote the N word!
X: Yeah but you’re taking it out of context.
J: So you’ve seen it?!
X: Yeah, of course. I go pee, too. From what I remember, it says, “Obama is a N word”.
J: How is that better?!
X: Well…it’s more just a statement of fact.
J: THAT IS NOT A FACT.
X: Is Obama black?
J: Yes.
X: Is the N word something you call black people?
J: Yes.
X: So that statement on the wall is logically sound.
J: But it’s racist!
X: See, I don’t know…I don’t know if you could say that.
J: You can surely say that!
X: Can you?
J: YES.
X: …See I don’t know.
J: WHAT DO YOU NOT KNOW.
X: If I take off everything that’s a fact then that’s a slippery slope, and then that wall loses its merit.
J: It is RACIST. YOU ARE RACIST.
X: Hey woah…woah…let’s not throw that around. How about this: I’ll give you a pen, and I’ll let you call a famous white person a cracker right next to it, would that be better?
J: NO.
X: Why?
J: I don’t know it just isn’t!
X: Well if you don’t know why, then you don’t know what you’re complaining about, then you’re just crazy, and I’m gonna have to ask you to leave.
J: TAKE EVERYTHING DOWN. ALL OF IT.
X: If I do that, then they win.
J: Who wins?!
X: I don’t know…not me…because I would have to take it all down. And there is a lot of shit written on that wall. Why is this such a big deal anyways? You’re a white male. I mean, you won.
J: This is an awful establishment, and you are a terrible, TERRIBLE person.
X: Maybe, but who can really say that?

Certificate 18
Humour

Comments

Submitted by Durand on
I love it. Durand

Durand

Submitted by scratch on
Have a look at the link below for a comparison Keith. There is evidence of character development in Denzell's piece and that is a good thing. Like White Dwarf has pointed out, it is a little difficult to define a concept or theme from what you have given us. In terms of it's functionality as a dialogue device it's ok. Is that what you were after? http://www.abctales.com/story/denzella/bank-job-ip-short-play P.S. Remember the old addage; give and you shall recieve. Good luck.

 

Submitted by The Walrus on
I agree with White Dwarf, a little background would provided a better foundation for your story, but I quite like the dialogue and the exchange of attitudes to racism. My kids are mixed race, and my son and his pals call each other 'nigger' as casually as you would call someone 'buddy' because they see it as a trendy, hip-hop rapper thing, and when I try to educate him about the awful history of the word he just shrugs his shoulders.

Submitted by Adventurealways on
My favorite part of this would be: "X:If I do that, then they win. J: Who wins?! X: I don’t know…not me…because I would have to take it all down." It paints X as a funny slacker looking for excuses. The rest is also a skilled interchange of ideas, but I find that you are letting one character be too dominant. X is not effected by J at all. A really interesting scene would have valid points all round and just leaving X to play the straight man. Also, in response to what White Dwarf said, I could care less about anything of the details he mentioned being included. Words and opinions speak more of a character than unnecessarily insertion of exposition. Yes, the argument is flawed and X does not see reason , but that being said, my only critique is make X's reaction to J effected by what J is saying, so your scene becomes more dynamic.