Eager to fall with me&;#063;

hi. im hazy on your call, but i dont think i said Thank You For
Calling, which i meant to. Thank you for calling; i'd been missing you
a lot. and still am.
you seem very happy. that is enviable and i am envious. i am having a
lot of trouble finding a reason to be alive. i am thinking about going
away and having Living be a struggle, then i'll know if Living is worth
it. i cannot make myself excited about God anymore either. i am
empty.
youre wondering why i am telling you any of this.
[[i am not assuming you would ever chance this sort of escape, and hope
you're too full of smiles to concider it.]]
i love you when you are honest. i love your truth. there is no one
better than the You i fell in love with. and i love You still. but You
left, under the impression that things needed fixing. that may have
been some of my fault. i think, rather, some needed forgetting, or
forgiving, but that is all.
one time i met you and thought you knew it all, but you were
pretending. if you are only pretending to know it all now, are only
pretending to be so happy now, and you are as empty as me, or nearly,
then you are asked to come with me, away.

so here is my meager attempt to run away from the world and take my
very favorite part along.