Silent Street fragment - Peg

There was barely anything to see, but Peg noticed anyway. It was something about the way Em moved, the way she stood. A protective hunch, a defensive air – and just the shadow of a bump starting to show beneath the shapeless jacket she wore over her unfitted white blouse and navy skirt. In that moment of realisation Peg caught her breath and felt momentarily sick, but it passed and she managed to manufacture a reason to leave the house. ‘Getting some more wood in, back in a bit’ She walked into the garden and headed for the small shed where a stack of firewood was kept. Her mind raced as her legs attempted to keep up but only managed a marching walk that swept the long unkempt grass and weeds aside. My little sister is pregnant She is pregnant and keeping it secret She is pregnant probably by accident She is young and alone and pregnant Where is my baby I have wanted a baby for so long 3 miscarriages in a row but they don’t have an answer for me just try again if the first had lived I’d be a mother by now I can’t tell her I know can I how can I look at her knowing she has a baby and that mine keep dying can I watch that bump grow can I be in the same room as her she needs me I want to scream.

But she didn’t scream, she sat on the broken bench with her wet skirt hem clinging to her ankles and damp soil spoiling her shoes. She felt old and fat and tired, the weight of three failed pregnancies weighing down her body and weighing down her soul too.