Betrayal

BETRAYAL

For Polly, Nicola, Gemma, Alex and Joe
You are all my inspirations and I thank you
because without you this book wouldn't exist.

She popped her head around the door.
"Nikki, Kathryn wants to see you in her office.
I nodded politely "Ok, thanks Keisha.
Kathryn Smith my boss. She thinks she's all high and mighty because she's editor in chief of The Times Magazine.
I decided to obey orders as I was on reprimand from a colleagues birthday bash a fortnight ago. Let's just say vodka does not mix with jokes comparing your boss to an ape, which is funny because Kathryn doesn't even look like an ape. Just shows how insecure she is!
"Ah, Nikki have a seat. she nodded down her long nose through her glasses at a chair right in front of her.
"I've been going over a few of your most recent articles and I'd have to say I think the standard is slipping just a tad, Uh oh. She tends to dramatically under exaggerate what she means when she says 'just a tad'. Secretly it normally means pull your socks up and sharpish or you're fired. It's the second time in five months.
"And I've noticed it's the second time in five months¦ There you go.
"I know Kathryn, just with the whole Joe thing, concentrating has been a bit of a problem lately.
"Oh Nikki, how long has it been? Four months? Your life isn't an ongoing soap opera¦get over it.
I split up with my boyfriend of two years three weeks ago despite what Kathryn says. His name was Joe he was an electrical engineer. We split up because his company relocated him to Italy. I was going to go with him but my friends, my family and my job are here; my life is here.
He had the cutest little button nose, and when he laughed it would wrinkle in the middle. He had ruby red lips, his bottom lip was a little bit rounder and thicker than his top lip and whenever he wanted me to feel sorry for him he'd stick out his bottom lip, making it quiver and give me a sad look with his blue puppy dog eyes. Sure I miss him, but it's not like we were meant to be together forever. Things change.
"I know it's been tough for you Nikki, but your job shouldn't suffer because of it, I wasn't really sure what she was going to say next. Usually when she calls me in, I can predict why and what she was going to say.
"I'm afraid, if I notice it slipping again¦I'm going to have to ask you to leave the magazine.
"You're firing me?
"If your work slips again I'll have to.
"Oh¦ I nodded. "Ok.
I left her office with a weird feeling in my stomach. I was determined to do better and not lose this job. When she was talking about firing me, it hit me. I did care about this job and I did want to do whatever I could to keep it.
So, that night when I got in from work I decided to detox my flat of everything and finally get him out of my head.
I called up Alicia and Anthony.
"Hey guys, I need your help.
"What is it? Are you ok?
"Yeah, I'm¦um¦getting rid of Joe.
"We'll get the wine, you choose the music and lay anything you have that is anything to do with him. We'll be there in five.
"Thanks guys, I smiled for the first time in weeks.
"Oh, and unplug the phone, we'll be right over!
I put down the receiver and sighed.
"Ok, music!
What's appropriate music? James Blunt? Alicia Keys? India Arie? Will Young? No, in Ant's opinion anyone that hot and gay is a god given miracle and last time we couldn't shut him up and we have a career saving job to do. Ashanti? Coldplay? Dido? Betty Jackson? Yeah, she's appropriate.
I slapped the CD into the stereo as the doorbell rang. I opened the door and Alicia showed me the wine. Anthony smiled.
"Merlot, 2001. Perfectly vintage and only by four years. Is that Betty Jackson I hear?
He bounded in the door like an over excited puppy followed by Alicia.
"How you doing? She smiled.
"I'm OK really, I shrugged "just tired.
She hugged me. "You'll be OK, we're here to help. You go sit with Ant, I'll get three glasses and crack this bad boy open. She gave me a cheeky wink and I smiled.
I could hear Ant singing so I decided to join him before he started dancing.
He had the metal bin on the wooden coffee table. He smiled as I entered the room.
"Ant? I was confused "Wh-what you doing?
He raised his finger to his lips. "I have a plan. He smiled.
"OK! Ant, Nikki take a glass! Alicia had the glasses on a tray. I noticed her hand shaking so I grabbed two glasses and gave one to Ant.
Ant picked up a photo of Joe from the floor as he sat down.
"Wow! He's hotter than I remembered! Why'd you guys split up again?
"He got relocated to Italy¦
"Ah, He nodded "It's a shame. You guys would have stunning kids.
He was right. His facial features with my legs, his torso, my arms, his bum and my boobs would be some good-looking kids.
"Yeah, I guess, I tried not to smile "I don't think we were in that place anyway.
Ant stood up again. He grabbed four or five photos and put them in the bin on the table.
"Let's have a Joe cremation. He smiled again.
Alicia looked at me "What?
He took a small flask out of his jacket. He poured some of the contents into the bin. He picked up eleven or twelve more photos and dropped them into the bin.
Alicia was getting just as worried as me. "Ant honey, what are you doing?
"You'll see. He replied while he poured more liquid into the bin.
Alicia took her wine glass and drunk the entire contents of it.
"I think I'm going to need that later. She whispered.
Ant picked up a bottle of aftershave Joe left at my flat. Obsession by Calvin Klein. He used to smell so good. Ant opened the bottle and smelled it.
"This guy's hot and smells good! He tipped the remainder of the aftershave into the bin.
"Seriously Ant, what you doing?
He waved his hand at us. "You'll see hold on. He added more photos and picked up Joe's shirt. He tilted his head, thinking.
"Blue doesn't suit me.
That shirt was one of Joe's favourites. It was by Ralph Lauren so it was quite expensive too. I didn't want Ant to ruin it but before I could say no he dropped it into the bin with the aftershave, photos and whatever was in that flask.
"And the grand finale¦ He picked up the bunch of letters from Joe when he was working away. He preferred to write letters because he thought they were more intimate and romantic than emails. I guess he was right.
I don't know what it was, but getting rid of his stuff felt really wrong. It wasn't settling with me too well.
He dropped the letters in with everything else. Then, before me or Alicia could shout, he took a lighter from his pocket and dropped it into the bin.
He had to jump back, whatever was in that flask reacted with the aftershave, and the bin exploded setting fire to the wooden coffee table.
"What the hell was in that flask? Alicia screamed jumping up from next to me.
"Bourbon! He exclaimed.
"Bourbon? Are you insane! I screamed at him "Get a cloth!
I ran into the kitchen to get a dishcloth but before I could grab it I was interrupted by the piercing noise of the smoke alarm outside my door.
Trying to help, Ant picked up the last bit of wine in his glass and chucked it over the rapidly growing flame. He really isn't the brightest button in the box. Of course, it just made it worse. The carpet was singeing and the paint from the ceiling and walls were starting to peel.
We could hear the neighbours running down the stairs outside the flat so we decided to follow.
By the time we got downstairs the fire service had arrived and were trying to get upstairs to put out the fire. I just wanted the earth to swallow me up. My flat was burning down, my boyfriend had left me and I was about to lose my job. Things weren't looking too good.
Everyone from the rest of the building was staring at us and I could hear a few whispering. I would've said something but I'd had a little too much wine and this whole experience started to take a funny turn.
"Let's go somewhere. Ant whispered looking at the others staring at us.
Me, Ant and Alicia decided to head down to a local bar O'Malley's for a few drinks.
We had about five doubles of vodka and coke and three trebles of cherry martini and a couple of strawberry shots before we were completely hammered.
We got thrown out of the bar at one fifty AM, and we were laughing as we staggered and tripped up on the way back to my flat.
I tripped over a large stone at the side of the pavement and shoved Alicia into a bush. She swallowed a worm so she vomited every couple of minutes all the rest of the way back to the flat. I'd totally forgotten about the 'Joe cremation incident'.
We pushed each other up the stairs to my flat while Alicia kept vomiting over the banister.
As we staggered up the stairs, Ant was laughing at Alicia and my head was spinning so much I couldn't stand up. I fell over right outside my door.
When I opened my eyes I saw a pair of feet in front of me.
"Ant, are they my feet? I giggled.
I heard no reply so I looked up thinking they were my own feet.
He'd come back.
"Hi, He smiled, his nose wrinkled. My heart stopped for at least thirty seconds. "Let me help you. He helped me to my feet.
I turned round to see Alicia and Anthony running away. I could hear Ant giggling.
"Later! He shouted.
The next time I woke up, I had a pizza box stuck to my right cheek, which was weird because I don't even remember eating any pizza.
I rolled over and Joe was there. I got a shock, but he was still asleep.
He was hunched, when I fell asleep he must've put a blanket over with me because he had no cover and I woke up with a blanket draped over me. It was kinda sweet that he took care of me.
I watched him. His breathing was so calm, in¦out¦in¦out¦in¦out. He was still as beautiful about a guy but he was. He was slightly tanned from Italy, but his lips were still passion red, his nose was till a cute little button, his ears were still small and rounded, his eyelashes were still dark and beautifully long, his eyebrows were still dark and groomed and his hair was still fluffy and messed up. I was enjoying just lying there listening to his breathing. In¦out¦in¦out¦in¦out: wondering what he was dreaming about. Was he dreaming about me?
My phone interrupted my peaceful time with Joe. Uh oh. It was Kathryn.
"Hello?
"Nikki, where are you? I'm looking at your desk and it's empty!
"I'm¦um¦at home.
"At home? She was furious.
"I'm really sorry, I'm coming now.
"You'd better be, this is the last straw Nikki.
"I'm coming, I'll be there soon.
"I'll give you ten minutes.
She hung up. I was in deep trouble. I had no choice but to wear last night's clothes. Risky, I know. I brushed my teeth, washed my face, put on some mascara to make myself look half alive, put on some deodorant, some perfume, grabbed my handbag, left Joe a note and broke the speed limit on the way to work. Like Kathryn said, it was the last straw I had no choice.
As soon as I got in, she wanted to see me.
Her face was like thunder, and her red hair which was normally dull, looked like fire.
"Nikki, I've been doing some thinking, She took off her glasses and put them on the desk carefully so she wouldn't scratch them. "And I'm going to ask you to pack up your desk and leave the magazine. I'm sorry.
Fired? I tried to protest.
"But Ka¦
"I'm sorry Nikki. She cut me off. It'd been a long time coming. I looked down at my Bronx boots.
"Ok¦ I swallowed hard "Well, thank you for everything Kathryn.
I got out of there as fast as I could. Keisha saw me rush to my desk.
"Nikki, is everything ok?
I just broke down in tears. I felt awful, I looked a mess, my flat wasn't looking great, my ex had come back and I felt myself falling back in love with him and to top it all off I'd just been fired.
"Kathryn just fired me. I blubbed.
Keisha moved my thick dark hair from over my face and hugged me. "Oh Nikki, you're going to be fine.
I didn't feel fine. "I want to go home. I sniffed.
Keisha helped me pack up and drove me home. I was too upset to drive.
When we made it back to the flat, she gave me the box of my things, hugged me goodbye and hailed a cab back to the office.
I trudged up the stairs and opened the door. Was Joe still there? I dumped my things by the door and put my keys on the end table.
"Nikki, what's wrong? He appeared from the kitchen. He noticed my tear blotched face.
"I got fired. I looked down at my shoes, fighting back more tears. He hugged me tight. He smelt of Obsession.
"Oh no, are you ok?
I shook my head. "No.
He tried to hug me again but I pulled away.
"Why are you here Joe?
He nodded and looked me in the face.
"Nikki, I can't stop thinking about you. I can't sleep, I can't eat¦I can't be without you. I need you, I want you.
I felt a tear roll down my face. His ice blue eyes were melting into a vulnerable innocence.
"Then why did you go? You knew I loved you, but you went anyway!
He nodded again. "I never should have gone, it was a huge mistake. I thought I had no choice.
"So I'm not as important as your job?
I wasn't exactly spare of patients. I was running out of them and fast.
"You're one thousands times more important than some job.
"You made it perfectly clear that you'd rather lose me than your job. You made it clear you were leaving and that it was over.
He stepped forward and looked me in the eyes.
"It wasn't over¦it still isn't over.
He grabbed me and kissed me. I melted in his arms, his warm kisses warming me up and melting me right through. He took off my coat and it fell to the floor in a heap.
I loved every single minute of it. He kissed my lips, my neck, my hands, my shoulder, my stomach.
The next morning I woke up in nothing but his t-shirt. It had been so long and it felt great. I turned over; he was still asleep. I stroked his cheek and kissed his lips softly. This was all I'd ever wanted and he was here lying in my bed with me. I think he'd been working out. His arms were strong and his abs was more defined. I couldn't believe he was back; he was here with me. And what was more amazing was he actually wanted to be here.
I rested my hand on his cheek. His eyes were still closed but he reached and pulled me closer stroking my back.
"Good morning. He whispered. He smiled, his eyes still closed.
Yes, it was a good morning.
His tan made his teeth look even more white than usual.
I wanted to scream and run around, call up Anthony and squeal down the phone and squeeze Joe so tight and never let him go; I was so excited. I didn't have a job but I didn't really care anymore.
I kissed his forehead, his cute button nose, his passion bursting red lips, his square jaw, his neck. He opened his eyes and started kissing me back. We just lay there kissing; everything just became oblivious to me.
Last night when I came in his eyes looked clouded, the sharpness had gone. Now, the sharpness had totally melted into soft baby blues, which made him even more beautiful.
"I'll make you breakfast. He muttered between kisses. Maybe he had changed. Maybe he was back to stay. It gave me a thrill just thinking about it. I fell more in love in the past thirteen hours than I'd ever been in my entire life.
He kissed me once more before pulling on his boxers and making his way to the kitchen. I rolled over onto his pillow. It smelled of Obsession. I sat up smiling from ear to ear. I took off his t-shirt and dropped it in front of me onto the quilt. I ran to the door and slipped into my robe hanging on the back of the door. I heard the kettle boiling so I followed the sound into the kitchen.
I sneaked up behind him; his upper back was tanned and muscled. Not too muscled, just nice. I kissed his shoulder and the side of his neck wrapping my hands around his stomach. He made a light groan.
"Go back to bed. He whispered.
"I'm just going to use the phone¦ I smiled.
"Don't tell Alicia too much about me! He chuckled.
The great thing about already being with someone is they know you and still love everything about you. Like, he just didn't mind me ringing Alicia the minute I got out of bed because he already knew. With the other guys it annoyed them and made some paranoid, but Joe didn't care because he knew that's just something I do.
"Alicia, he's perfect. I was beaming.
"You guys back together?
I lit a Marlboro and took a drag.
"I dunno, I shrugged "but he says he wants to be with me.
It felt even better telling someone about it.
"Meet me at Bernie's in half an hour and tell me everything. She sounded just as excited as me.
"You got it.
I made my way back into the kitchen. Joe was pouring orange juice. He nodded towards the cigarette and I let him take a drag.
"So what you say about me? He smiled.
"I'm meeting her at Bernie's in half an hour.
"Uhuh, He nodded intelligently. He picked up the tray and nodded towards the bedroom. "Come on!
I stubbed out my Marlboro and followed him into the bedroom.
We enjoyed a delicious breakfast of toast, scrambled egg, bacon, grapes, bananas, fresh orange juice and coffee. I think the Italians taught him a thing or two about cooking because he'd really improved. Nothing burnt in sight.
He got a call on his phone.
"Bonjourno, Man, he sounded sexy in English and Italian.
"No sorry, I'm with my girl¦ I guess he is here to stay.
"I left Italy¦to be with her, He was so sweet.
"I left the job¦it was keeping me away. He really was perfect.
He laughed. "Prego! Prego! I hadn't a clue what that meant but it sounded really good.
"Well if you can get a flight out¦Well Nikki's going out in half an hour to meet a friend, so I could see you in an hour? My name sounded so much better from his lips. He's originally from Cincinnati, Ohio in America so his accent comes through really well when he says my name.
"Ok then, see you in an hour.
"Who was that?
"A colleague from out in Italy is coming over to see me. I hope that's ok?
He's never asked my permission before. I nodded. "Yeah sure, have fun!
He smiled. "You're great.
I smiled back, I though about that.
"Yeah¦I know. I smiled, he laughed.
He kissed me. "And also very cute.
"Yes, I'd have to agree with that¦ I kissed him back. "I'd better get dressed, I don't want to be late.
He nodded. "I guess that means I'd better get ready too.
He got out of bed and pulled his trousers, socks and t-shirt on.
I crawled across the bed and sat in front of him.
"Call me when you get back¦if you want me to come back?
"Of course I want you to come back, I'm not letting you get away again! I giggled.
He pulled his shoes on. I stood up and kissed his forehead.
"I'll call you as soon as I get back.
He smiled. "You'd better!
He made his way to the front door.
"I missing you already. He kissed me and pulled me close with one hand as he opened the door with the other.
"I'll call you in just over an hour.
"Well I'll be round after I see my friend.
I smiled as I fiddled with his t-shirt.
"Is this friend nameless?
He thought for a moment and nodded.
"For now¦ He smiled.
He pulled me close one last time and left.
I leaned against the closed door and laughed. I danced back into the bedroom to pick my outfit. Jeans and a black polo neck?
I popped Carly Simon into my stereo and got dressed.
Fifteen minutes later I locked up my newly christened love nest, pulled on my red woolly hat, took a deep breath of autumn air and left for Bernie's on an absolute high.
Alicia took one look at me and smiled.
"Someone got some last night!
Come to think of it she was looking pretty peachy too.
I nodded proudly to answer her question.
"Yes I did, and it was great! You're looking pretty peachy, what happened to you last night?
She ignored my question, so I don't think she wanted to talk about it.
She looked impressed. "So start at the beginning, what happened?
I beamed. "Well, I got it last night and I was upset because I got fired¦
She interrupted me, sounding concerned.
"Oh god Nik, are you ok? I'm so sorry!
I shrugged. "I did care, but after last night I really don't anymore!
She gave me a cheeky smile. "He was that good?
I nodded. "Oh yeah!
We both laughed. "So what happened next?
"I was upset, so he tried to comfort me and he told me he came back because he couldn't be without me, and we started kissing and things just happened from there.
"Man, Nikki that may be the most pathetic thing I have ever heard¦but, She beamed "You got it good!
Alicia isn't really one of these romantics like me. She hasn't really let love in so she hasn't found a person she can commit to¦she just bounces around two or three guys every month. I couldn't wait till she fell for someone so she could truly understand how it felt.
I laughed. "Yes I do!
We ordered two coffees and talked some more.
"So what happened after me and Ant left the other night?
I shrugged. "I don't actually remember! I giggled. "He helped me in, and the next time I woke up I was lying on the floor with a pizza box stuck to my face and him sleeping next to me.
She laughed. "Score.
I nodded. "I know.
"So you think you guys will stay together this time?
"Man I hope so, I looked into my coffee. "I really want it to work, but¦I dunno, he says he wants to be with me, but I lost him once and I'm pretty sure that I could do it again.
"Just be a little bit cautious, She took a drink of her coffee and shook her head "If he's come back to be with you don't get paranoid, just enjoy your time with him.
I smiled. I knew she was right. "You're right, I'm just getting paranoid, I picked up my coffee. "Let's go back to mine.
She nodded and I drove us back to my flat. We took off our coats and sat on the sofa, putting our feet on the fire-charred coffee table.
"I see the fire didn't make too much of an impact. We giggled.
"What do you think got into him?
She shrugged. "Probably just watching too many re-runs of friends in the early days. What did the firemen say?
"They said never to do it again and never to have any sort of flammable substance or alcohol anywhere near a naked flame.
We smaned.
"Did you get a fine?
"Hell no! I turned on the charm with one of the firemen. If I did get a fine I'd make Ant pay, it was his idea.
She nodded intelligently her light brown hair bobbing up and down in the process.
I sighed thinking. "I'm going to call Joe¦
She turned to me beaming, her green eyes sparkling. "Can I listen in?
I laughed and nodded. "Yeah, come on.
We sat around the phone as I dialled his number and put it on speakerphone.
"Hello? It was a woman. Why would a woman be there? Unless it was the colleague he was talking about¦
"Hi, is he there?
"Yes, who is it?
"I'm Nikki, who's this?
"It's Sofia¦his wife¦
I froze. He had a wife? Alicia looked at me.
"Nikki? She whispered.
My mind went blank; I couldn't speak. Shell-shocked would be a major understatement.
I could hear the woman on the other end of the phone talking, so Alicia hung up the receiver.
I stared blankly at the phone, not knowing what to do next. Alicia stood me up and hugged me. I couldn't stop shaking, tears streaming down my face I couldn't catch my breath.
"He's an asshole, a big asshole¦he doesn't know how special you are. You deserve so much better.
That made me cry even more. She tried to wipe away my tears but they kept coming.
She grabbed my hand and looked at me.
"Come with me.
She drove us over to the flat he was renting before he went to Italy. He was the last person I wanted to see; I don't know what she was trying to do.
She got out of the car and ran up the stairs to the door of his flat, I had no choice but to follow her. She didn't have to say anything; I could tell she was angry. She wanted to hit him.
He opened the door looking dishevelled but still so hot. I kept thinking about what Anthony said about our kids.
He was wearing a salmon pink shirt, black tie and black suit pants. Sofia was nowhere to be seen.
He looked great in pink, which is hard for most guys to pull off.
He looked straight at me. Alicia stared at him.
She snarled "You heartless son of a bitch.
She pushed past him and looked all over for Sofia. I stepped in the door uncomfortably.
"Where's the bitch? She demanded. "Where is she? Where's the bitch!
He looked at her. "Excuse me?
Sofia stepped to the bedroom doorway, leaning against the doorframe.
"Who me? She had a little smirk.
She was much prettier than me. I was slightly dumpy, with average size legs and dark brown hair. She looked like she could be Cameron Diaz's sister straight out of Vogue magazine.
She had a stunning figure ' long feminine legs, a long torso, average sized boobs, toned arms and a heart shaped face with loose wavy blonde hair that tickled her shoulders. Her blue eyes sparkled like the expensive looking crystal heart pendant she had round her neck. I guessed it was from him; he never gave me one. Mind I wasn't his wife no matter how much I wanted to be.
"So this is the wife? Alicia looked her up and down and gave her a cold look.
Joe looked puzzled. "Wife? I don't have a wife!
Sofia towered over Alicia. Alicia was dressed in jeans and a white t-shirt and a blue scarf making her look like a gnome where as Sofia was wearing matching red silk and green grey camisole top and skimpy knickers.
Joe turned to me. "You think I have a wife?
A wave of frustration and anger washed over me.
"Is this her? I pointed at her and looked at him.
He was confused. "Who?
"Your wife!
"I don't have a wife!
"Then who's that? A prostitute?
Alicia scoffed and nodded in approval at me.
"Yes!
Me and Alicia looked at each other in surprise.
I looked at him. "Oh, you got sick of me, so you hired a whore to shag you?
"Nikki, I didn't call her¦she was here when I got here.
Something told me not to believe him; I think it was Alicia's voice in my head.
"Oh really? I went over to Sofia and smelled Obsession on her. "She smells like Obsession. I shoved him hard and his back hit the wall. "You shagged her you fucking prick! I felt tears building up in my eyes.
"Nikki, I don't know her!
I opened the door.
"I never ever want to see you again and don't even try to call me.
I stormed out followed by Alicia who slammed the door.
I couldn't hold it in anymore; I burst into tears as soon as we got into the car. Alicia drove me home and walked me to the door.
"I'm about to hit Madres if you don't want me to stay¦wanna come? She chuckled.
"Maybe some other time. I really didn't feel like hitting any bars or clubs.
Madres is a Spanish bar downtown me and Alicia used to go to all the time. I met Ant and Joe there; Ant is an amazing salsa dancer. I didn't wanna go anywhere that reminded me of Joe.
"Ok, well if you need me I've got my phone so just call me ok?
I nodded. "I got it.
She hugged me tightly. "Ok, well I'll see you tomorrow?
I nodded again. "Yeah, sure.
She waved me goodbye as she got in her car and left.
I kept my coat on and decided to walk to the graveyard. I used to put flowers on my mother's grave and talked to her every time I wanted to be with her.
She died eight years ago of a coronary heart attack, a couple of months after I first met Joe. She liked him, which was good because she wasn't the friendliest of women; very picky about people so I was pleased they got on.
I sat on the bench opposite her grave. A tear fell from my chin on to the soil just before her grave.
"Joe came back, I sniffed. "Tonight me and Alicia caught him with a whore. He says he doesn't know her and she says that she's his wife. I don't know what to believe. If he didn't leave I would've believed him no problem. I should've seen it coming. We had the best night last night last night; I could see me being with him. Even Anthony says we would have the cutest kids. I cant believe this has happened, I wish you were here¦I love him mum, I really do, it's hurting so bad¦
"I love you too.
I jerked round and he was listening to me pouring my heart out. I felt like a fool. I didn't even hear him approaching on the gravel.
"I told you to stay away.
He looked tired; he ran his hand through his hair.
"It's always been you Nik, please give me another chance?
Little spots of rain started to fall from the sky on to the soil.
"What does that matter now? I was ready to be with you but Sofia came along with her long legs and her silky underwear and you forgot all about me. She claimed to be your wife!
"I lost you once, I'm pretty sure I could do it again but I don't want you to walk away.
He put his hands on my face and kissed me but I pushed him away.
"No Joe! You can't just kiss me and make everything ok; you're a totally different person to me now. I thought you'd never ever hurt me.
This was killing me but I had to be strong.
He fell to his knees on to the wet soil. His eyes filled with tears, he grabbed my hand.
"Nikki don't do this please, I'm nothing without you I love you so so much don't leave me.
I nodded. "I did too.
I pulled my hand away and started to walk away.
"What can I do? He shouted after me.
I turned my head. "You can leave me alone.
I walked home feeling low and cold. I decided to call Alicia and go to Madres.
I arrived in skimpy jeans, red stilettos and a white vest.
I went inside and saw Alicia dancing with a random guy so I went over to the bar and started drinking.
It didn't take long for a pervy businessman to approach me. His hair was thinning and grey on the top of his head. He didn't look half as good as Joe in a suit but tonight wasn't about him. I was going to get incredibly drunk.
The businessman's name was Ben and he kept buying me drinks to get me drunk, which was why I was there so I happily accepted.
He kept trying to kiss me and I kept pushing him away waiting for Alicia to finish dancing.
It turned out Ben was a colleague of Joe's and vice president of the company he worked for so I sussed out he was rich.
I could see how the night was going to pan out. I was going to get so drunk I couldn't even remember where I was, so he was going to fuck me in the back alley beside Madres while his frigid wife waits in the car and he says he forgot his phone and went back in the bar to get it.
I was absolutely right. I woke up next to Ben in his bed. I felt sick and tried to find a clock when I rolled over and realised I wasn't sleeping with Joe I was sleeping with Ben. My head was pounding and I felt awful. I needed to get out of there before he woke up and I needed to see Alicia and Anthony.
I grabbed my pants and vest from beside the bed as quickly and quietly as I could and bolted out of the door.
As soon as I got home I got changed and drove to Alicia's. I thought I must've seen her last night so she'd be able to explain exactly what happened with Ben and me.
She answered in an oversized t-shirt and knickers. She'd hooked up with someone too.
"Nikki! She sounded surprised. "Did you¦uh¦call?
I was curious she never acts like this.
"Who've you got in there?
She was reluctant, holding on to the door. "Oh no one special!
She looked worried. I pushed the door open and peeked round.
I felt sick. He looked at the floor ashamed and Alicia looked at me. It was my dad.
I couldn't get out of there fast enough. She tried to shout after me but I drove away. How could she do that? My best friend and my dad!
I pushed down hard on the accelerator and within five minutes I was home.
I got in and the red light was flashing on my answering machine. I pressed playback; it was Joe.
"Nikki, I swear I'll leave you alone I just need you to hear this.
I just let the tape play; I don't know why¦I didn't want to listen to anything he had to say.
"Sofia is my colleague Ben Phillips' wife. He is the colleague from Italy who asked to meet up with me. He was staying with Sofia with me while their house downtown was being set up. On the phone she thought you were asking for Ben not for me. I just said she was a prostitute because¦oh I don't know why I said that, but I swear I will leave you alone if you don't believe me, but please think about it and if you do; I've got to catch a plane to Italy to help with the shipping of the rest of my stuff, but if you do believe me meet me at the airport at half past two before my flight. I hope I see you there. Ok, bye.
I knew he was telling the truth. I just didn't know if I could face seeing him I didn't want to get stomped on again.
I decided to pay Anthony a visit. I would've gone to Alicia's but after what happened with my dad I decided not to.
I made it to Anthony's. He invited me in and opened a bottle of wine.
Before long, I'd told him about Joe, about Ben and about Alicia and my dad.
"Wow, he laughed, "You've had a pretty intense time!
One minute he was making me laugh, and then he leaned in and kissed my lips. The weird thing was it didn't feel weird. It felt right. I began kissing him back and we got caught up in the moment. He was a good kisser, his lips were soft and his kisses were gentle and sweet. I accidentally kicked over the wine bottle but we just kept kissing.
Half of me was saying "No stop! This is Anthony your GAY friend! the other half was saying, "Go on enjoy yourself, it doesn't mean anything!
We just carried on, holding each other and it felt good.
The next morning I woke up to the sound of my phone ringing. I answered it.
"Hello?
"Is this Nicola Rodman?
"Yeah, that's me¦
"Miss Rodman, I'm Nurse Miller from County District Hospital. You father John Rodman was brought in complaining of chest pains in the early hours of this morning by a Miss Alicia Parks,
"Oh my god¦is he ok?
She took a deep breath. I knew it was bad.
"I'm afraid he died ten minutes ago.
"Are you sure?
"He had a heart attack and his heart was too weak to cope with the pressure. I'm so sorry.
"Ok, thank you for letting me know.
I hung up and sat there like a paraplegic. He was dead? Anthony woke up.
"Nikki, what's wrong?
I stared in a straight line.
"My dad just died from a heart attack.
He hugged me tight, I cried harder than I cried about Joe.
"Nikki, I am so sorry. He sounded upset.
I shook my head. "I need to see Alicia.
He looked at me. "Shall I come with you?
I shook my head again and sniffed. "No, I'll just go, I looked at him "Thanks for last night, I'd better go.
He smiled. "You going to be ok?
I nodded and sniffed. I put on my clothes and left.
I drove as fast as I could to the hospital; I had to see her and my dad.
I ran into Ward three where I had been directed. I was then directed to cubicle four.
I peered through the door and saw her crying with my dad lying there totally lifeless.
She didn't say a word when I pushed the door open. Tears cascaded down her face into her white paper tissue.
We stood and embraced each other. How could I be mad at her? She's my best friend and we'd been there for each other throughout it all.
"I'm sorry. I whispered.
"I'm sorry too. She whispered back.
I walked forward to the side of my dad's bed.
"I'm sorry. I whispered to him and kissed his cold forehead.
We went into the family room and sat and talked. I told her about Joe and I even dared to tell her about Anthony. She told me about her relationship with my dad, they'd been trying to hide it from me for six weeks. I wasn't mad anymore because I realised how happy he made her and I'd always wanted to see her happy even if it was my dad. She supported me through Joe so I decided to support her now.
I spent the night at her flat to keep her company.
The next day I got up early because I had job interviews with Vogue, Elle and Cosmopolitan magazine. I'd been redundant for just over a month and paying rent was getting hard so I needed a job and fast.
The interviews went horribly. I sounded and felt nervous and desperate.
That afternoon I went to the airport to see Joe. I didn't know what I was going to say but I was late so I'd have to make it up.
I ran to gate eight where he was sitting in the departures lounge trying to see me. I stood in the door of the empty gate lounge.
"Joe.
He looked up and smiled. He walked up to me suitcase on wheels in tow.
"Do you believe me? He looked in my eyes.
I nodded and smiled. He gave me one of his melting kisses. He smiled.
"I'll be back in two weeks.
"Two? I was trying not to sound disappointed. I thought that would be us happily ever after.
He gave me another kiss.
"I've got to go, I'll be back before you know it.
He boarded the plane and left for Italy, leaving me with a dead dad, a depressed friend, a newly straight other friend and a horribly sick feeling churning in my stomach. Two and a half minutes later I threw up in a bin on the way back to the car.
I threw up three times a day for the next twelve days.
Joe still wasn't back, Alicia wasn't much happier; Anthony kept asking me to see him, I'd just been kicked out of my flat for not paying rent, I hadn't got the job at Elle or Vogue, so my hopes were riding on Cosmopolitan.
I was getting worried about this sickness thing I kept having I thought I had flu so I went to see my doctor.
I wasn't ill with flu; I was pregnant. Joe hadn't slept with me or I hadn't slept with anyone in the past month¦apart from Anthony.
I had a DNA test completed. Anthony was the father of my child.
Joe was due back in two days, what was I going to say? And to Anthony?
Three nights later I was lying on Alicia's couch trying to get some sleep and I heard two men shouting and clattering about. They must've been loud because they woke up Alicia who could probably sleep through another Hiroshima bomb. She came to see me.
"What the hell is that? she said sleepily.
We both went to the front door and opened it. And who should be there but Ben Phillips and Joe fighting in the driveway.
Me and Alicia ventured out of the door.
Ben was stamping on Joe.
"Stay away from her! he yelled.
"Hey! yelled Alicia.
Ben looked up. He walked towards me and grabbed me by the elbow. He took me forward.
"Tell Nikki what you did! He kept shouting.
Joe crawled to his feet. He had bruises all over him; he was heavily bleeding from his nose, eye and lip.
He looked at me with that look when he knows it's bad.
"W¦When I was away in Italy, Sofia found out she was pregnant¦and I'm the father¦I'm so sorry Nikki¦Nikki?
When he was talking the ground started to spin and I fainted.
They took me to hospital to check me over. No one knew I was pregnant¦yet.
I woke up and Anthony, Joe and Alicia were sitting around my bed.
"Are you ok? Anthony was stroking my forehead.
I nodded trying to keep the bedclothes covering my bump.
"I need to talk to Joe¦alone.
Anthony smiled and Alicia looked at Joe. They left the room without a word.
I swallowed hard. Crunch time.
"I also have news¦you're not going to like it. I'm also pregnant, but you're not the father.
I made sure I didn't tell him who the father was, I didn't know what he would do.
He just stared at me. He didn't say a word. He stormed out leaving Anthony and Alicia to come back in. That was the last time I ever saw him. Last I heard, he was in Australia with Sofia and they had a daughter called Nikki. Sweet.
Alicia looked back confused. "What was all that about?
I felt much better after telling them. I wasn't scared anymore.
"Guys, I have news¦it's pretty big too. I am pregnant¦and¦um¦Anthony is the father¦
Anthony was shocked understandably. Ant and Alicia hugged each other. Alicia squealed and they both hugged me.
Seven months and three weeks later, I gave birth to a baby daughter and Anthony and me became proud parents of Lily Rose Morris on the 23rd of November.
Three months after giving birth to Lily Rose I was awarded the job as editor in chief of every woman's bible: Cosmopolitan Magazine.