Daily Deluge

By lenchenelf

Thu, 08 Jul 2010

2355 reads

6 comments

Spit and sprinkle, words fall on sweltering shoulders,
steel toecaps could do less damage; would not split

heritage or genetics. Shower of disdain, strained thought,
through slit glint of vision, thermostat twisted on mechanical

patriarchy, drips bile suspension in ink. By line, hate and
warfare, soaked in urea. Tension strains credulity, stains

belief. This well is tainted, do not bathe here. Archimedes'
screw drizzle-drips a corrosion, pock marks fearful minds.

Comments

I like the symbolics. And

Permalink Submitted by Highhat on Thu, 2010-07-08 17:20

I like the symbolics. And the vocab. Good piece

No one does quite like

Permalink Submitted by Silver Spun Sand on Thu, 2010-07-08 19:31

No one does quite like you;-) A feast of wonderful vocabularly here. Much enjoyed. Tina

Wow. Powerful stuff and good

Permalink Submitted by rjnewlyn on Fri, 2010-07-09 21:45

Wow. Powerful stuff and good to see you back again. Seems apt for the stiflingly hot weather (here at least). A minor issue is that I don't think you can soak anything in urea because it exists as a crystal, except when dissolved (i.e. like being soaked in salt) but it would be a shame to let reality spoil some good imagery. Rob

Thank you High hat and Tina

Permalink Submitted by lenchenelf on Fri, 2010-07-09 23:31

Thank you High hat and Tina and RJN, much appreciated. To give credit where it is due, I'd had this as the beginings of a scribble in a notebook since 06, if not for the strong piece by Zemikael Habte -Mariam, it would have remained there in fading ink, un-twiddled to doodle status, :-) See your point RJN, had hoped to convey a visual of crystalisation(detritus) around a shower head and the crystals forming as a result of the downpour, plus a sneaky-beaky half rhyme. Further twiddling likely :-) atb lena xx

Not normally one for poetry

Permalink Submitted by kenny_mooney on Tue, 2010-07-13 15:21

Not normally one for poetry (don't really understand it enough), but occasionally I read pieces that really light a spark and this was definitely one such piece. Great use of language and words, imagery is great, very rhythmic. I like it.

Thanks for your welcome

Permalink Submitted by lenchenelf on Tue, 2010-07-13 16:33

Thanks for your welcome comment Kenny atb Lena x