We Could Never Not Look Back

We took the car and never looked back.
They stood on the drive, pavement, street. Shouted
Things we never tried to hear.
Windows down, hair streaming, we drove to Dover
And took the ferry
Laughed at the crying seagulls.

In Calais we roamed the shops. You bought
Me a dress, blue, spangled, floating. It danced around my knees,
Tempted you with glimpses of my soft thighs.

The lanes of France were hot and dusty. Dirt from the road caught
In my hair, my eyes, my teeth. We rolled down the
Soft top,
Let fingers fly in the breeze.

I found myself stood in the mirror of the public toilets.
Combing my hair with grubby fingers.
I shaved my legs in the basin,
Ignored the stares of village girls.

Pulled on the stilettos tossed on the tiles.
Ignored the blisters, sores.
Danced across the carpark, to the click of your camera.
We took it to the chemist, laughed
When they came back blurred.

The sunflower in my hand I found tossed in the back of the car.
Found grass in my dress, found bites on my neck.
I threw my stilettos in the boot,
Ran barefoot
Across the dusty fields.
Dry grass snapped at my heels.
I didn’t care.

The road back was silent and slow.
The dress was beginning to smell. I took
It off, folded it in the boot,
Came back in a shirt and jeans.
My hair was black with grit.

Outside the house, ankles bleeding,
We stood in the rain.
Waited for forgiveness.