Our Neil

Cherry

By london_calling79

Sat, 25 Jul 2015
  • 2542 reads
8 comments
 

Squalling among the faded roses

our Margie narrated your shame,

cleaned you up with care.

Not my big boy.

Only a baby.

 

Years later you flipped the latch,

ran from your

second ‘for his own good’ home.

Our Marie hit the roof

when me and Pete rounded the corner,

stinking of beer, you as our prize.

‘You should be ashamed of yourselves!’

You were only seven.

 

They waited for you at that corner,

knocked you back among the roses

with tyre irons from the cars you stole.

The nurses cleaned you up,

a bunch of aunts at your bedside

and then your grave.

Mute black crows.

Flowers, tears and shame again.

You were only nineteen.

Certificate 12
Poem
New Set
Biography
Autobiography

Comments

Submitted by Bee on

They both worked for me - the prose and the poem. Heartbreaking. 

Bee

Submitted by london_calling79 on

Thanks Bee. Not as confident with my prose so that's really good to hear - not the heartbreaking bit! Or maybe yes - oh I don't know!

 

Submitted by Philip Sidney on

I read this after the prose, which hit me hard, think I knew what to expect with this but there are elements which work in a subtly different way , the repetition of roses and cleening up, the shame at the heart of, equally powerful, more distant and lingering somehow.

Submitted by london_calling79 on

Thanks Phillip. I'm none the wiser as to which works better but I was definitely happier with the poem.

 

Submitted by catherine poarch on

I'm a lazy reader, always go for poems before stories. The prose added some more clarity, I guess. But I do think I prefer the poem- for compactness? - and the ways the lines work, for me, more powerfully - eg mute black crows which conjure up a lot of complex images.

 

Submitted by london_calling79 on

Thanks Catherine that's good to know. I'm with you on always choosing to read poetry over prose!

 

Submitted by catherine poarch on

I'm a lazy reader, always go for poems before stories. The prose added some more clarity, I guess. But I do think I prefer the poem- for compactness? - and the ways the lines work, for me, more powerfully - eg mute black crows which conjure up a lot of complex images.

 

Submitted by catherine poarch on

I'm a lazy reader, always go for poems before stories. The prose added some more clarity, I guess. But I do think I prefer the poem- for compactness? - and the ways the lines work, for me, more powerfully - eg mute black crows which conjure up a lot of complex images.