My Phone Thinks That I Live In Jasper Hills

My new phone has been great,

and, a big surprise for me-

It thinks we’re in an estate

near a many-storied sea.

My phone rattled and chimed in alert.

A message came up on the screen.

A storm watch for an upscale burgh

where I have never been.

While I am lacking bucks-

watching what I buy,

my phone thinks that we’re deluxe

and I’m envying that life.

 

I could be there,

in Jasper Hills.

I could sleep there all night.

The location would be right.

I could be there,

in Jasper Hills.

I could have anything I want

with a smoothie and croissant.

 

I’d have more money there.

I could be who I’m not.

I’d reconstitute my hair

while driving my Passat.

It’d have power windows.

Still have that new car smell.

The GPS would stop me

from driving into hell.

 

I could be there,

in Jasper Hills.

There’d be order to my life.

And my checkbook,

it would jibe.

I could be there,

in Jasper Hills.

At the market with my wife

who has a Lauren Hutton vibe…

“Darling, do you think this squash is ready?”

“Two more days, I think, my love.”

“I’ll be counting the hours.”

“As shall I.”

 

It’s those smartphone factory settings

defaulting to the good,

with every customer getting

a better neighborhood!

I’d be buying my cucumbers

only at Whole Foods.

I’d work all the numbers

and steer consumer moods.

 

I could be there,

in Jasper Hills.

I would speak and reconnoiter

with my nifty laser pointer.

I could be there,

in Jasper Hills.

With the power-point, I would play,

as the board would hear me say:

“Introducing our new fashion-forward itch remedy device targeting between the shoulderblades for the booming couch-dwelling niche market!”

 

Why should I raise commotion

about accuracy and

counter this phone’s notion

I’m in Sharper Image land?

I’m told that if I use some skills,

it’d learn that we’re not there.

My phone thinks that I live in Jasper Hills.

I’ve decided not to care.