Self-Memorandum

            A quick jot covering issues that should be dealt with in a pro-active manner during the post-holiday regroup.

            Need to actively scan range top during pre-departure daily. Unattended burners could cause disaster when least expected. Productive day at work= Good. Coming home to scene of devastation, neighbors in their jammies on the lawn= Bad. Avoid “villagers with torches and pitchforks” scenario.

            Ditto with unplugging charger, since being connected is positive attribute in new high-powered life, and also must keep eye on stunt video postings. (#57, with rollerblades, railing and the inevitable threatens to go viral.) Adapter damage could also hamper communication with life coach.

            Vampire power must be minimized. Microwave vigilance crucial. Never kept exact time anyway. Waste of energy leads back to “tall stacks belching tons of soot” scenario. Can’t help mind-set of others, but can only hope that rednecks revving trucks find something better to do- putting an end to their bid for relevance. Lower carbon footprint lessens chance of my vital life-effort being sidetracked toward scorpion vigilance protocol and constant de-salinization efforts.

            Wash hands more frequently. Data coming in from those affected by bacteria. Also, don’t want to make that very data myself via overnight news. Doctors and nurses look fine in these examples. Patient- not so good. Avoid potentiality of being surrounded by various machines, covered in packs and bandages, warning viewing audience to scrub hands thoroughly until stanza of ‘Yankee Doodle’ has been completely sung.

            Checking door locks only takes a second. This counteracts “evil men with shaved heads wearing sturdy trousers and black turtlenecks raiding larder” scenario. (Which also implies my lack of presence to check that the peanut butter sandwiches are properly made, i.e. with the jam on the bottom.) Also, although relations with apartment house owner is at normal status, a visual check of key possession is called for during departure. Avoid moment of gut-wrenching limbo upon discovering that steps weren’t made in order, bringing tears and self-flagellation.

            Check mailbox daily despite regular disappointment i.e. constant cable television junk mail lures. Each particular day has potential for arrival of unexpected, yet hefty class action settlement check from heartburn medication company that neglected to warn about sclerosis of uvula and delusions of kleptomania side-effects.

            Plug drains overnight, due to cistern in backyard connecting to sewer. Insects nest in that location. They envy this location and they have legs. Many legs. Waking up to realize have been sharing bed with nameless monster water bug is to be avoided. Result would be anxiety, disgust, and potential palimony issues.  

            Observe log-off protocol when using library computer. By its nature, it is shared, and someone may be able to claim Mensa score as their own, leading to a “Who’s the smarty-pants now?” scenario. 

            Straight rows when mowing is an asset. Obsession with same at the expense of stepping into sewer drain and being stranded down there like a number of ducklings would be a liability. And ‘Waste not-Want not’ certainly applies, but not toward the twine saved, if not properly sorted according to length. These two issues could converge, with a “stranded in sewer with neighbor running to shed for rescue twine but finding some lengths too short and desperately trying to braid them together while I slip down irretrievably down into Possumland” scenario. 

            Rotate refrigerated garden harvest. Salmonella isn’t a Crayola color. Check for feral nibble-marks. Folk-rumors mostly disproven, but what critters leave behind is typically not an asset eitherway. Don’t let record cucumber harvest cause complacency. Check them thoroughly before eating to avoid morphing into a were-squirrel. Remember what happened to Uncle Aloysius.