The Dog Express from Mexico

‘Blow it all!’ I grumbled, as the engine chuffed away.
I’d slept too late and now I’d missed the last train of the day.
Now I was stuck. Down on my luck. It was a real pity
To be stuck so late. On platform 8.
At the station, in Mexico City.

I’d gone to Mexico to get a tan and to unwind
To have some fun and to undo my often muddled mind
But muddle it all up I had when I’d forgot to wind
My watch, and botch it up I had
Now I was left behind!

My home – for I was heading there - was many miles away.
I’d promised that I would return in time for Christmas Day.
Now it wasn’t looking likely, and there was no-one to help
Me out of my predicament.
I’d have to help myself!

I looked up at the station board to check for other trains
But none were due (I kind of knew my effort was in vain).
My hopes had all gone to the dogs. My heart was full of doubt.
And if that wasn’t bad enough
The station lights went out!

Yet, as I peered into the gloom, a cheerful chuffing came
Out of the night – and with a light!
Yippee! Another train!
The station board must have been wrong (I blame Administration).
A whistle blew
And then it drew
Right into Mexico Station.

It was, without a doubt, the strangest train I’d ever seen.
The engine was as red as rust, the carriages lime-green.
Smoke, thick and black, poured from the stack, and choked the trailing wagons.
If truth be told
It looked real old
Just like some ancient dragon.

But that was not the oddest thing, for as it stood there waiting.
There came a voice, which gruffly barked: ‘There’s no use hesitating!’
‘Hop right on up!’ I did just that, without further delay.
The light was poor
But what I saw
Clean took my breath away.

The carriage, it was full of DOGS! No humans to be found.
On one side there sat Terriers; on the other sat the Hounds.
Then as the strange train moved away, departing from the station:
‘Welcome aboard!’
The Conductor roared
(A boisterous Alsatian!)

‘Tickets please!’ he barked aloud, as I began to stare.
He grinned at me with big, sharp teeth (and so I paid my fare).
‘Welcome to the Dog Express’ he rumbled. ‘Off we go!’
‘The last, LAST train,
Of all the trains
From out of Mexico!’

I took a seat beside a neatly manicured Fox Terrier
‘That’s it – squeeze in’ the small dog grinned, ‘The more o’yer, the merrier!’
He looked around, and then he frowned, ‘You travelin’ alone?
Well, never mind.’
And then he kindly offered me a bone.

‘No thanks,’ I said. ‘I’ve just been fed. Had Nachos for my dinner.’
(While on the quiet I’m on a diet – I’m trying to get thinner.)
‘But I could use a cup of tea, if it’s all the same.’
‘Then you’ll want Bart’s
Refreshments cart.
He’s further up the train.’

So off I went in search of Bart, and his refreshments trolley
I found him too, and joined the queue, behind a Border Collie
Who bought a cup of cocoa and some cheese and onion crisps.
And when he spoke
(this is no joke)
He did so with a lisp.

‘Thir, you have thort-changed me,’ the tongue-tied Collie cried.
‘My crithpth cotht thixty-thix penth! You’ve charged me theventy-five!’
‘Oh Gosh!’ Bart said, ‘I’m sorry Fred. I’ve lost my calculator.
It’s kind of strange
I’m out of change.
I’ll reimburse you later.’

At last I bought my cup of tea, and took it for a wander
Around the train to let my brain cogitate and ponder
The quite unlikely likelihood of my situation
Had sanity
Abandoned me
Way back at the station?

But no! My odd reality was real as real could come
I know ‘cos that reality - it bit me on the bum!
I turned and glowered at the Chihuahua sat cowering there on the floor.
With the tiniest square
Of my underwear
Dangling out of his jaws.

‘Oh do excuse me please, senor’ the dog apologised.
‘I cannot help myself sometimes. You have to realise
I had a bad experience when I lived at the Pound
But still, my curse
Might have been worse:
You could have turned around!’

I bid that nippy dog farewell and made off speedily
I’d hoped to find a gentler breed or finer pedigree
And the further up the train I went, the more it seemed to me
Each dog I passed
Surpassed the last
In Canine finery.

Until at last I’d gone as far as I would dare to go
The Engine Room! I peeped inside, and in the fiery glow
A single mangy mongrel kept the furnace burning bright
To power that train
Across the plain
And on into the night.

‘Please shut the door and lend a paw’ said the Engineer.
‘No-one ever seems to want to offer help round here.
I have to run this train alone: Spring, Summer, Fall and Winter.
My paws are sore
And what is more
I’ve just picked up a splinter.’

And so I stayed to help him out; I greased the wheels and cogs
And as we worked he talked to me about the other dogs
And how they did not care to mix, too proud to even pass
The time of day
With those who may
Reside outside their class

‘That’s terrible!’ I said to him. ‘Why can’t they see that’s wrong?’
‘Plain snobbery, I guess’ he said, ‘They just won’t get along.’
‘They will if someone helps them. I’d do it if I could.’
‘That’s good of you,’ he said.
‘Oh pooh! We’ve just run out of wood!’

The furnace started to burn down, the train began to slow.
Without more fuel to burn who knew how far the train would go
Before it rumbled to a halt? And then we would be stranded.
So with a yelp:
‘Go get some help!’
The Engineer demanded.

I ran into the first car, in search of extra logs
Where on earth could
I find more wood?
My hopes were with the dogs!
I needed to act quickly; the train was slowing fast
‘Dear dogs,’ I pleaded, ‘Fuel is needed!
Help me this task!’

‘I beg your pardon?’ said a hard-of-hearing Poodle Miss
‘I could have sworn you asked us all if we’d perhaps assist!’
‘And get our paws all mucky? ‘Tis such a dirty task.
An engineer I’m not, I fear!
Go ask another class!’

So I continued down the train, in search of those who could
Aid me in my undertaking to procure more wood.
I hurried to the next car in hope of some assistance
So I’d return
With wood to burn
And we could go the distance.

The dog that I encountered next was an Irish Setter
(as Miss Poodle did not help at all, my luck here might be better)
So I put to him politely that I needed help at once.
With one small favour
He’d be our saviour.
And this was his response:

‘My friend, I hardly am surprised those First Class snobs would not
Help get your wood. Don’t fret! You should be thankful that you’ve got
Me as your getter. But better yet I know some dogs who’ll do it.
Ten times as well as I. Goodbye!
They sit next door. Hop to it!’

So I went next (quite rightly vexed by what he had to say)
Into the last car of the train now trundling on its way.
‘Now hear me out!’ I dared to shout. ‘I don’t care who or which
Class or breed
Or kind or creed
Or Pup or Dog or Bitch
Helps me in the task I have
To stop this train from slowing.
Please understand and lend a hand, or you won’t get where you’re going!’

The only sound which rang aloud throughout the slowing train
Was the chuffing and puffing and huffing – then nothing - Of the engine on the plain.
‘Too late!’ I screamed. ‘We’re out of steam too far from any station.
The train has stalled!
NOW won’t you all
Work in cooperation?’

All dog-heads turned toward me and a dreadful silence fell
Upon the carriage. I felt embarrassed that I had had to yell
And so I shrugged and sighed and sank into the nearest chair
Then at the back
A tiny black
Paw thrust into the air.

‘Excuse me, please,’ a small voiced wheezed, though I was barely listening.
I raised my eyes. To my surprise ALL eyes were wet and glistening.
‘We understand. We’ll lend a hand – and work together too!
- Just PLEASE don’t yell -
Now won’t you tell
Us what we have to do?’

‘Thank you, Dogs. You’re very kind. Now here this is what we need:
Fuel to make the furnace roar, to give us soaring speed!
So like a shooting star this train across the plain will go.
The last, last train-
The FASTEST train
In all of Mexico!’

They cheered aloud. I took a bow. ‘Now that we’re motivated
I guess we should go look outside’ and here I hesitated.
‘It’s kind of dark out there’ I said. ‘We could get lost… or worse.
Let’s all link paws.
Head for the door.
Guard Dogs – you should go first!’

We moved outside in one big line all linking paws and hands
On we marched into the darkness of the desert sands.
Then a surprise came to my eyes, when in the eerie dark.
I saw them all!
(Fat, short and tall)
ALL dogs had disembarked!

‘That speech you gave was very brave. And loud! The whole train heard.’
Said the cheery engineer. ‘We followed every word!’
Then through the crowd which gathered round Miss Poodle came to me
‘I must concur
We owe you, Sir
A huge apology.’

So, on the sand we sat and planned out what we had to do.
Then off they raced - the dogs best placed to find our precious fuel:
The working dogs to gather wood; the hounds to scent and track
And also Bart
(Complete with cart)
To help transport it back.

The rest of us prepared the train; we polished and cleaned and fixed
Even in the Engine Room all kinds and breeds were mixed.
Until we’d done as much as we could do – and then we rested
Now proud, not of ourselves
But of the friendships we’d invested.

‘Thank you, Dogs!’ I praised them. ‘No, thank YOU, Sir!’ they replied.
But as we thanked each other, a shout came from outside:
‘The hillth have eyeth!’ came Fred’s surprise (he has a lisp, poor fellow).
But he was right!
Out of the night
Cat-eyes burned fierce and yellow!

‘Desert Outlaw Bandit Cats!’ cried Poodle in alarm.
Oh, save us please (they may have fleas) - I think they mean us harm!’
‘They’ve come to rob the train,’ I said. ‘They’re all around I see.
We’re sitting ducks –
What rotten luck!
It’s moonlight robbery.’

‘There is just one thing we can do until our chums return
Alive and well and in one piece, with wood for us to burn
I’ve seen this on a Western show I saw once on TV
We’ll form a chain
Around the train
And holler noisily!’

So that is what we did. Those Bandit Cats, they WERE surprised.
But still they crept down from the hills with mischief in their eyes.
They formed a wider circle all around our meagre band.
Then:
‘BOW-WOW-WOW!’
CRASH! BONK!
‘MEO-OWWW!’
The Cavalry was at hand!

They rode with Bart atop a cart piled high with twigs and sticks.
Brush and branches, boards from ranches, and dried up cactus bits.
With an ‘Aw-roooo!’ they plowed right through that ring of feline looters
Leaving them all
In a terrible sprawl
Pulling needles out of their hooters.

Our heroes rolled up to the train, and we all cheered ‘Hooray!’
I know it was night so this isn’t quite right, but our Bart had saved the day!
‘Not bad,’ said Fred. ‘Not ‘arf!’ Bart said. ‘This cart’s a real goer!
And I found my stash
Of emergency cash
So here’s that change I owe ya.’

‘Quick! Let’s get this fuel on-board, and to the furnace store.’
I said. ‘We can’t afford to hang about here any more.
So every dog, come grab a log
Or two. Or four. Or eight!
Because those Outlaw Bandit Cats just might retaliate!’

And sure enough those prowling yowling scowling cats came back
Around the train in dreadful pain – Oh, how they hissed and spat!
But the dogs were quick and every stick of fuel was stacked on board.
But not the cart.
‘Leave it!’ said Bart.
‘Here comes the feline horde!’

All dogs on board we locked the doors and sat there terrified.
Those angry cats they clawed and scratched against the carriage sides.
The Engineer began to fear that cactus wouldn’t burn.
Until at last
The flames held fast.
And wheels began to turn.

With a cheer the Engineer kept the furnace going
Which made the train begin to gain momentum. No more slowing!
Then at last a whistle blast he timed all too precisely
Which scared the kitties
Out of their witties
And off the train quite nicely.

We left those Bandits far behind us, quivering in such fright
And on we sped a green and red flash dashing through the night.
Then morning came and so the train commenced deceleration
Until we drew gladly (and a little bit sadly)
Into my local station.

As I stepped down from the train, I turned to wave goodbye.
My throat - it had a lump in it. A tear was in my eye.
I’d made it home all in one piece, I’m really glad to say
Bad luck adjourned
I HAD returned
In time for Christmas Day.

I think of them quite often now, those dogs that first had seemed
To think entirely of themselves, but then had since redeemed.
They’d put aside their pride to find that they could co-exist.
All lessons learned
And merits earned.
And boy, will they be missed.

But that was not the only lesson learned: those Cat Outlaws
Have changed their ways, and spend their days conducting local tours
With change of heart and Bart’s old cart they charge an honest fee.
You can save a dime
If you book online:
Buy one ride - Get one free!