Chadpocalypse - 2:17 Peace of Mind [2 of 2]

This is Part 2 of 2 for this chapter. To read the first half, go here!

---

As he approached her, he could feel his heart beating nervously in his chest. Each thump was thunderous, shaking his skeleton and threatening to liquefy his insides. With a cool he didn’t know he possessed; Chad sidled up to the railing. He tried to maintain a casual distance from the woman of his dreams, while still being close enough to be noticed.

     War looked up briefly from her phone and just as quickly went back to it.

     “Hi,” started Chad, without more than a handful of awkwardness.

     War didn’t look up.

     “Maybe you’ve heard of me, name’s Chad.” He didn’t know where the words were coming from, but he didn’t like where they were going.

     James was watching nervously while pretending to examine a sketch about ten feet away.

     “Look, if you’re a designer, I’m busy. You can reach out to my agent, but I will warn you, my fees for influencing are,” she looked his suit up and down, “well, maybe in your price range.” With that, she returned her attention to her phone.

     Chad watched as she tweeted to the leaders of foreign countries, doing her best to create an additional international conflict. “Unfortunately for you, I’m not a designer.” Chad’s mouth went dry. “I’m the one who’s here to kill you and stop the apocalypse from coming.”

     Red fire flashed in War’s eyes so momentarily that Chad almost missed it. “Well, that does make you more interesting.” She looked up from her phone and set it on the flat railing to give him a proper stare down. “They said you’d be dumpier. You clean up nice.”
     Despite his fear, Chad’s heart fluttered. “Can’t say I’m used to dressing like this.” He wished he had brought some sort of weapon and didn’t dare spare a glance at James for fear of giving him away.

     “No. Now, tell me, why shouldn’t I burn you to a crisp right here and call it an art installation?” Naked hunger flashed across her face.

     “Surely that would cause a scene.”

     “I know a few magicians that would claim it as part of their act. Plus, I’m guessing you’re here on behalf of The Order, which means you don’t technically exist in this country. Anyone going to notice you’re gone if I turn you into a pile of ash?” Her threats were real, but her voice carried a tone of flirtation that confused and terrified Chad.

     “Never did like magicians.”

     War tilted her head. “Did you really think you’d walk up to me and that would be it?”

     “Would it help if I told you I was in love with you?” The words spilled out of him like an uncontrollable landslide.

     “Dude, you did not,” joked the Cherub from the first floor, still laying in his pile of cherries.

     War laughed, and the sound pierced Chad worse than any knife could have. “I know.” She winked and reached for her phone at the same moment as James finally made his move. There was a clumsy, terrible moment when their hands touched.

Jealousy ripped through Chad like fire.

James tried to reach for the phone quickly, but War was already spinning around. As she did, his hand brushed the railing and knocked the device off the balcony. War froze mid swing, watching as her phone tumbled toward the floor. “NO!” she screamed.

The exhibit went dead silent as the little rectangle flipped through the air. Chad watched in horror, wondering what would happen if it shattered. Would she burst into flames? Or would she just kill them and go to the nearest cell provider to get a new one. Would she at least tell him she loved him before she ripped him apart?

The cherub looked up from his pile of maraschinos. “Oh shit, Chad, don’t worry, I totally got this!” Speeding into action, the cherub kicked off the slick floor with its chubby legs. He shot through the air like a bullet, on a direct intercept course for the phone and then at the last second passed through it.

A loud clack filled the exhibit hall as the phone struck the tile, bounced, and slid to the middle of the room. At the same time, the cherub collided with one of the marble pillars, head on. He fell to the floor, dazed and began crawling back to his pile of cherries. “I’m sorry, Ch-Chad,” it whimpered. “I forgot I’m a purely metaphysical being and couldn’t g-grab it.” The cherub wailed, a horrible, ugly, squalling sound as it pulled itself across the floor like an ineffective, fleshy mop.

“You were able to get the cherries just fine,” hissed Chad.

The cherub simply wept in a pile of its own inadequacy.

War finished spinning around, rage evident in her very presence, and looked at James. “You did not just do that.”

“Sorry, mam, I was trying to stop it from falling off the edge.” James’s voice quavered and his eyes were wide, emotions Chad suspected were very real.

     “I’ve ended fools for less.” From her back, Chad watched as two red tips poked through the leather of her jacket. The new appendages creaked and groaned as they grew larger. A red flame ignited a few inches above her head.

     People below were staring, but not in the way Chad expected. Under normal circumstances, people would be running for the exits and screaming bloody murder, but instead the crowd was completely silent. Their heads all turned to the balcony with rapt attention and a few even gave polite, quiet claps. One man whispered: “Now that’s fashion.”

     “Famine, we have a problem.” Her voice carried through the air, travelling on a heavy breeze and filling every corner of the exhibit. Chad believed it could have filled the whole city if she really wanted it to.

     War gripped James with one hand and reached back to grab for Chad with the other. He backed away, getting just outside her grasp. “Don’t you go anywhere, little herald, I’ve got some business to finish with you.”

     “What are you waiting for then?” asked James.

     War mocked him in a singsong tone. “What are you waiting for then?”

     The fire alarm went off, blaring loudly through the exhibit. Protective metal coverings came down to cover the artwork and the flying machine was retracted into the ceiling. People ran from the room, turning against one another in the blink of an eye.

     War looked on them fondly. “It’s amazing how easy it is to start a riot. They’re like little wars in their own right.”

     Chad continued to back away and was almost to the stairs when he heard a familiar voice.

     “Hey bro, long time no see.”

     Chad wheeled around and found himself face to face with Famine and his faithful steed. “Do you have to bring that thing everywhere?” He locked eyes with the horse and spat.

     The horse snorted.

     “I know, he is a rude dude.” Famine patted his horse. “Don’t worry, we’ve got permission to take him out this time.”

     “Why this time?” asked Chad, desperate for an out.

     “You killed Pestilence, my dude.” Famine put a hand over his heart. “Which, while gnarly, was also a declaration of combat on your part. He was there just to put a scare in you, maybe get you committed, but you took it a step further.”

     “You’ve got to be kidding me…”

     Before Chad had time to think over the implications of what he had done, James cut in. “Any ideas?” He was struggling to free himself from War.

     “Jump off the balcony and get her phone!” screamed the cherub. “You’ve got God on your side!”

     “We could start by kicking their asses,” offered Chad, edging his way toward the balcony.

     “Helpful as always.”

     “Come on bro, I tried to give you a chance to enjoy your last year. It could have been peaceful if you had just let it chill.”

     Chad’s hand closed over the railing. He looked over the edge at the cherub who was sitting cross-legged by the phone giving him a thumbs up. “I already told you once, I have concert tickets, and I’m not missing that show.” In a smooth motion, Chad pushed himself over the balcony and jumped.

Chad’s journey from the balcony to the floor was all too short. For a split second, he felt his feet tap the floor, almost as if he was going to land nimbly, but his body weight followed through. There was a crack and a wet snap as his right shin broke and ripped through his skin. Chad crumbled immediately to the floor, screaming in pain.

     “Ah jeez, Chad, I’m sorry man.” The Cherub scooted across the tiled floor, making a squelching sound with each movement. “I really though God had your back that time.”

     Chad cried out in pain again, but at the tail end of the scream, there was laughter. He laughed hysterically, reaching out with a hand as he did so. In the immense pain, his mind had been cleared of War’s charm, well at least what had seemed to be charm. Despite his catastrophic landing, he had been right on target. Chad reached out with numb fingers and clasped his hand around War’s phone.  

     “Famine, what the fuck are you doing? Get down there!” War’s eyes were off James momentarily, but Chad knew his moment wasn’t going to last long.

     He picked up the phone, surprised to find it unlocked. “No passcode?” he asked. “Jesus, and here I thought you were supposed to be some technological prodigy.” The screen was cracked almost beyond repair, with pixels beginning to bleed black ink toward the center of the screen, but it was still operable.

     Hoofbeats echoed off the stairs as Famine worked his way down the staircase.

     “I will murder your friend in front of you!” screamed War.

     “Not if you ever want this back,” chided Chad. He had already opened Twitter. “Couple million followers, not bad.” His leg seeped blood onto the floor and Chad felt a sickening wave of nausea sweep over him. He composed a new tweet just as Famine was making his way into the main room.    

     “So simple, elegant even, I like it,” applauded the cherub, sidling up to Chad.

     “Fuck off pint size, your advice has been terrible so far.” Chad typed the following: There’s been a lot of negativity this week, so let’s do a positivity lift. Say something nice about one of your followers, like and retweet.

     “Whatever you’re doing, bro, don’t. Look, I like you just fine, but you mess with her phone and she’s going to rip your friend in half.” Famine dismounted his horse and walked calmly toward Chad.

     “You know, you’re right, it needs something.” Stars were flashing before Chad’s eyes. He did a quick image search and found a picture of a cat reaching for a sunrise and inserted it. “Yeah, I think that’ll do it.”

     “What’s he typing?” War had completely forgotten about James who struggled limply in her grip.

     Chad looked into Famine’s eyes and pressed send. “Two down.”