Karl (3)

Continuing on with my story Karl. Let me know what you think of it. All suggestions are welcome, and will likely get incorporated :)

3.

     When Karl awoke it was October of 2001, approximately 5 years after he had initially joined the ranks of the deceased. Ordinarily this process would have gone much faster, but with the free spending and loose-living habits during the Dot Com Bubble; the agents of death were very busy. Karl had ended up on a long list of peacefully deposed to be attended to when the work slowed down. In another unfortunate turn, the bubble burst, and Karl’s eternal soul was left untended for yet another year. Eventually a plucky requisition agent from the Department of Reclaimed Souls found the error and managed to file paperwork for a release. At that time Karl awoke on his kitchen floor to the sound of The Price is Right blaring from the living room television.

     He was surprised to find that his head didn’t hurt at all, and the fall felt more like a dream than anything. It was also a surprise that The Price Is Right was playing, as most of his family couldn’t stand it. Perhaps they felt bad about the fall, and knew I would enjoy it, he thought, standing slowly to avoid further injury. This was not the case, as Karl’s family had long since moved on to another mildly pleasant revenue stream. However, if they hadn’t, Karl would have likely received a lecture about being clumsy and jobless, rather than being rewarded with television.

     Karl rounded the corner to the living room and felt shock to see how old Bob Barker was looking. “Looks like someone in make-up is getting fired eh?” A woman who he did not recognize stood up from the other side of the couch and stared at him. The fact that there was a strange woman in his living room startled Karl, and she appeared to be quite startled about it as well. “Hi, who are you then?” Karl asked in as polite a tone as anyone could muster when confronting an intruder. The woman went white as a sheet, and collapsed on the floor.

     “Well there’s no need for that,” said Karl, stopping mid-sentence. As the woman fell, he found that he did not recognize the carpeting she had fallen on. I’m out for two hours and Melinda hires someone to re-carpet the place. How in the hell are we going to afford this?  Karl took stock of the living room and realized that the carpet wasn’t the only thing that was different. The furniture had all changed to be more angular and bawdy, and the TV was far thinner than he remembered. Photos of a family he did not recognize hung on the wall, and he began to understand what had happened.

     “Oh no,” said Karl, feeling rather woozy. He looked down at his hands and found that for the most part they were completely transparent. They had never been even remotely transparent before, and this contributed to the dizzy, floating sensation that Karl was feeling. The living room began to spin, and he joined the stranger in falling to the floor. His head passed right through the corner of the counter, which was lucky, as it very well might have killed him again had he been alive. The world went white.

     When Karl awoke for the second time the apartment was filled with dim, flickering orange light. Tallow candles had been set on every surface in what he could only assume to be a gothic decorating style that he didn’t understand. Instantly he felt that something was very wrong, and this feeling was confirmed by the chatter of voices he did not recognize from the living room. He would have much rather heard about a winning showcase, or the price of various nick knacks, but instead, the he heard “If you are here spirit, give us a sign.”  

     Karl rounded the corner and found that once more his living room was occupied by strangers. Two girls sat around a squat metal table that Karl would never have purchased. They huddled over a wooden board with white lettering sprawled across it, and a reading glass positioned on top. Both girls held this glass with their fingertips, attempting to hold it still, despite their obvious trembling. The glass moved across the board ever so slightly to highlight the letter ‘Y’. Karl of course had nothing to do with this “spontaneous” movement, as it was instead the product of what would later be called overactive imaginations.

     “Oh my god, he’s here,” said the older of the two girls in a hushed tone. “Let’s ask him a question.” The younger girl jumped back from the board as if it had bit her. Karl merely stood, pondering the situation, and attempting to understand his newfound ambiguity in the universe. The prospect of it was actually quite pleasing, but he hadn’t figured out what he wanted to do with it yet.

     “Come on, don’t be a scaredy cat,” said the older girl in a tone that reminded him of Melinda. The other girl cowered away, terrified at the prospect that there might have been a dead person in the room. Karl understood this feeling, as on any other day he might have felt the same. “Are you going to chicken out?” she said, continuing to taunt the other girl.  

     Why is it always with the animal comparisons? Karl had been bullied often in his life, and while some of the insults hit their mark, he had never felt any sting when being compared to livestock. However, he could see that it bothered the younger girl, and it ignited a feeling that was entirely new to him. Karl moved closer to the board and waited. The older girl was still taunting, and hadn’t seen fit to continue the game yet. This did not bother Karl, as he could have literally waited to eternity.  

     Eventually, she grew bored of the jeering and turned her attention back to the reading glass. “Fine, I’ll just do it myself.” Karl felt that he was going to sweat with anticipation, but didn’t as his sweat glands had perished along with his corporeal form. He found that he was quite pleased with them being gone, and had a laugh about it. “What is your name?” The girl asked, with little more enthusiasm than a DMV clerk.

     Well that’s a boring question. Karl swept his arm across the table in an attempt to flip the board and throw the magnifying glass. Instead he found that his arm passed through them with an unsatisfying whoosh. It had not occurred to Karl that manipulating physical objects between planes of existence was quite the feat, and one he did not have the strength for. The girl waited with bated breath for a spirit to respond.

     Alright, plan B then. “Hullo, my name is Karl,” he said, becoming visible for only a brief second to reveal what he hoped was a ghoulish grimace. The girl jumped back from the table scattering the board, and sending the magnifying glass hurtling to the floor. She let out a piercing scream, and for the first time in his afterlife, Karl felt something akin to satisfaction. With that, he went back to his spot on the kitchen floor to have a nap.