A Story in a Forest (1)

A Story in a Forest

By Aston Macaulay

Prologue: The Premier

     “Welcome folks, we are live here at the premier of the documentary that has had the community buzzing for the past few weeks. Chasing Bigfoot the story of two friends trekking out into the woods in a search for the unknown. Already a favorite to win several of this year’s most prestigious awards, this film is an unstoppable juggernaut. We’re here with Jimmy and Edgar, stars, and principle directors on the film.” The man speaking was an over-powdered television host that could barely cling to the products that were failing at hiding his age. Two men in ill-fitting tuxedos stumbled up to the podium.

     “Hello there!” They said in unison, having a good laugh about the absurdity of it all.

     “First of all, congratulations on the film guys, what an amazing story.”

     “Thank you.” They said politely, adjusting their collars and fidgeting with ties that seemed all-too foreign to them.

“I think the question on everyone’s mind is what was it like to see Bigfoot in the flesh?”

     “It’s—“

     “Jimmy!”

     “Right, sorry, not allowed to say much about that as a matter of fact, sort of keeping the lid on the mystery and whatnot. I can say that it was an amazing experience to film, and that I’ll never forget it.”

     “Right, wouldn’t want to spoil the ending of course. Now, with every great film comes criticism. What would the pair of you say to the few negative reviews you’ve gotten?”

     “I think I’ll let Edgar take this one. He’s the one with the sort of vision; I just filmed the damned thing.” Jimmy laughed and eased back into his chair.

     “Well I think the only inaccuracy we portray is in the title.”

     “Oh?”

     “Yeah, mostly it was Bigfoot chasing us!”

1. First Sighting [10 Months Prior]

     “Get the fucking camera Jimmy!”

     “I dropped the camera five miles back!”

     “What do you mean you dropped it?!”

     “Well you remember five miles back when I tripped over those roots and into the ravine?”

     “Course I do, it was a big, bloody mess, dirt everywhere, you could barely stand! How could I forget?”

     “The camera fell off in the tumble.”

     “Oh, I see. Well in that case, I suppose this has been a complete fucking waste of time.” Both men sat perplexed in the forest, wondering what to do as their entire mission had come to a sudden, grinding halt. Between the trees a large brown shape moved past, pausing only briefly to examine their quandary, and then going about its business. Cool air blew through the evergreen branches, shaking them vigorously, as if ashamed by the duo’s stupidity.

     “That thing in the trees then?”

     “Yup.”

     “That was it?”

     “Yup.”

     “And I dropped the camera in the ravine…”

     “Yup.”

     “FUCK!” The word echoed violently off of the branches, threatening to snap them in two. The creature that had only recently been moving at a gentle lumber bellowed a piercing roar and sidled into a lazy charge away from the intruders. Birds flew hastily into the sky for dramatic effect, where they circled ominously. Two miles away, a man on a fishing boat heard the commotion and nearly lost the prize bass on his line. Luckily, he was an experienced fisherman and reeled the giant in without any further problems, but afterwards he paddled home at a speed he had not known was possible for a canoe.

     Meanwhile, back in the clearing Jimmy sat with his back against a large tree, slumped over with mud on his shoes. “Edgar, I think we’d better go and get the camera.” He said hesitantly, hands shaking from the overwhelming idiocy of the moment.

     “I’ve just watched bigfoot lumber past me, in broad daylight, and I wasn’t able to get it on film. I’m going to need a minute to cope with the situation, alright?” Jimmy sat silent again, pondering how the events of the day could have gone differently. Possibilities raced by at a snail’s pace, playing like an awkward film on a grainy screen.

     I fell in the ravine. The camera hit a rock, bounced into the woods, and a bear ate it. We’ll never get it back. Edgar is going to kill me in the woods. There’s no one around for miles. He has a shovel to bury me with. I’ll just sit here quietly for millennia until my body decomposes into a tree. Jimmy actually quite liked the idea. Trees were a peaceful bunch, quiet, and never intending to hurt anyone.

     “Right. Let’s go.” Said Edgar, suddenly in a brighter mood. “No sense crying over spilled milk.”

     “Really?”

     “Yes Jimmy, this entire expedition has been one colossal fuck up, no sense in stopping now.” With that Jimmy stood and they began the five mile hike back to the ravine…