Here I Stand...

By maddie904

Wed, 30 Apr 2014
  • 599 reads
3 comments
 

Here I stand
Looking out my window
And I am important.
Not in the sense of greatness,
Or royalty,
Or wisdom.
I am no saint, no queen.
But in the vast expanse
Of reality,
My existence matters.
And that is enough for me.

Certificate PG
Poem
Miscellaneous

Comments

Submitted by maddie904 on

This is a poem I wrote for my creative writing class. I've never written poetry before, and I'd like a second eye on it. Maybe some constructive criticism, suggestions, etc. Thanks in advance!

Submitted by Bee on

Hi Maddie.

I like your poem, and if this is a first attempt at poetry, it's really good. As you have asked for  suggestions, I do have a couple of thoughts I hope might help. If it was my poem, I would omit the first two lines and 'And' from the next, because although the first two lines set the scene, I feel that the piece would have a stronger start with - 'I am important...' which to me, is the subject of your poem.

But then, it might be important to you that you have set the scene with, 'Here I stand looking out of my window...'  Perhaps for some reason you feel imprisoned, or that you would like to be part of what you see from your window -looking out, if only you / the narrator could convince others / yourself of your importance, (though it feels to me that you got the idea for the poem whilst standing there looking out of the window). Also, you have it in the title - 'Here I stand' and unless the standing is important, if 'looking out of the window' is a point you wish to emphasise, perhaps that could be included in the title, allowing for the poem to begin on line three. 

Also, where each line is started with a capital letter, although there's nothing wrong with that, modern poetry tends not to use this very often now. The last thing I think could help your poem is to have another look at the punctuation. As a suggestion - 

Here I stand
Looking out my window,
And I am important -
Not in the sense of greatness,
Or royalty,
Or wisdom;
I am no saint; no queen,
But in the vast expanse
Of reality
My existence matters,
And that is enough for me.

As I said, these are just my thoughts and a response to your poem and your request for suggestions. There are writers here, better able to advise than I, but I hope something might be helpful, but if not, please ignore. I like this piece very much. 

 

 

Bee

Submitted by thanksforthepar... on

Hi Maddie,

 

I really like your poem, I enjoyed the immediacy of it - it's got a nice pace. I also felt I could really relate to how you felt - the last line really made me smile and somehow feel better about my day!

 

I hope you keep writing x