(2) Love Me Love My Fiat

Fred Flanders was visiting one of his parishioners. Fred Flanders's parish was the whole of the north east. The man lived 20 miles away.
"The surgeon says he can't operate," said Gary. "My heart is too badly damaged. I thought that if I had surgery it would add another 10 years to my life. But not now."
Fred Flanders laid his hand on Gary's chest.
"Oh God, heal Gary of his angina and take away his pain."
"Oh, thank you Pastor. I feel so much better. The pain has gone now." Gary's face had been pale but the colour started coming back to his cheeks. He took his wallet out of his pocket. "Would you like a donation for your ministry?"
"No. Jesus paid the price of your healing on the cross."
"But Dad," said Simon, "Jesus' death on the cross didn't pay the price of a hamburger and a milkshake on the way home."
"For your ministry, Pastor. I realise this is not a private medical clinic. It must cost money to drive 20 miles to my house and it must cost money to fly to other churches around the world."
"Gary, I don't need your money and Simon does not need a hamburger and a milkshake on the way home."

Fred Flanders had some strong words with Simon as he was driving away from Gary's house.
"Simon, do you think we're short of money just because I drive a fifteen year old Fiat?"
"Yes."
"Well we're not. We could afford a new car. I'm driving a Fiat Panda because I think it's a great car. It's like a little go-cart. I don't want to get rid of it. Gary was seriously ill. His family thought he was going to die. It's not the right time to mention money.  No one needs to give us anything." Fred Flanders turned on the car radio. The news came on.
"A fresh outbreak of Covid 19 has occured in Darrowby. The pubs and restaurants that have been re-opened have now closed down. The police have set up roadblocks to stop people entering or leaving the town." Pastor Fred looked terrified.
"Cheer up Dad," said Simon. "It's not the end of the world."
"Well Son, I think it just might be. Apostle Julio said that Jesus is coming back in the next 10 years. There will be end time shakings."

Back at home Simon was watching Youtube videos on the big television in the living room. One was by Colin the Baptist Abraham Smedley Prophet.
"Why won't God answer my prayers? Why won't God answer my prayers? I want a friend. Just one. It's not too much to ask. But I sit here in the house on my own and nobody comes. Some of you might wonder, why don't I put my telephone number on the screen and somebody might phone me? If I'm unemployed, why don't I do some voluntary work in the community and then I would have lots of friends? That's because when somebody's in a state of self pity, they just want to have a good moan. Doing something practical to solve the problem wouldn't even enter your head."
"That sermon hasn't had as many hits as our church service," Simon said to his dad. "Four hits in the last six months."
"That's not very many," said Pastor Flanders. One of the videos on the Youtube playlist was by Simon. "But look at your video. 65,000 hits in the last 3 days." Simon turned the video on. A picture of Simon appeared on the big screen.
"I got stung by a jellyfish."

A homeless man knocked on the door. It was freezing cold outside and there were 6 inches of snow on the ground. Sandy answered the door. The man was about 30, was wearing a short black coat with matching black woolly hat and gloves and smelt as if he had kept himself clean.
"What do you want?" asked Sandy.
"I'm homeless."
"I guess you are. You look after yourself, though. You're nicely dressed for someone who's homeless."
"Oh yeah, haven't had to go without anything. Fewer places open during lock down but more public sympathy. We manage."
"So what do you want from me?"
"Have you got a sleeping bag?"
"I don't see how it would be any use in this weather. It would go damp in the snow. You'd get hypothermia."
"It's not to sleep in. It's for people to throw their money on. You can make loads of money if you sit in the doorway of the cathedral with a sleeping bag."

Fred Flanders was in his office looking at his payslip on the computer screen. His face twisted with rage. He felt as if steam was coming out of his ears. He picked up the phone to talk to Julio the Apostle.
"Apostle Julio?"
"Speaking."
"Why have you got me and my wife on a pension scheme?"
"What's wrong with being on a pension scheme?"
"Jesus is coming back in the next 10 years. You said so yourself and I would be surprised if he didn't. Just look at all the things that are happening in the world. Increased wickedness. World evangelism. Christian persecution. I don't want good money to be spent on a pension that we're never going to get."
"Fred, it's a legal requirement for you and your wife to be enrolled on a pension scheme. I assure you it wasn't a very expensive one. Think of it as an insurance policy, just in case you're wrong and the world does carry on for another 50 years."