Future Daze 4 - Online Wedding

A group of about twenty demonstrators had arrived outside a building site somewhere near the M25.  One of them carried a sign that said, "Save our caravans."  A middle aged man in a dark suit and black tie stood in front of the crowd.  He was the local MP.
"Do you really want to live in a draughty, leaky caravan?" he asked.
"Yes," said a young woman with a baby in a pushchair.
"But the rent for a family unit in the new high rise block would be lower than the rent for your caravan."
"That's because it's smaller than my caravan.  My grandparents had a two bedroom flat and it was bigger than that.  The Victorians built flats that were twice the size of ours."
"That's because the cooking and leisure areas are not contained inside the apartment.  They are in the shopping complex downstairs."
"If that is true," said a rough looking man in his early twenties, "I think we're still going back to the nineteenth century."
"You wouldn't be able to swing a cat in one of those flats," said the woman.
"You wouldn't be able to keep pets.  That's obvious," said the MP.  "We need these flats.  The recession is worsening.  There's going to be another two million unemployed people moving to London.  We need somewhere for them to live, and we need somewhere for families from London to live, now that the cost of a family home in London has become unaffordable to anyone except the very rich."
The crowd started chanting loudly, "Sack him, sack him, sack him, sack him!"

 

Michael and Roxanne sat in a coffee shop together.
"Michael," said Roxanne.  "What do you want to do with the rest of your life?"
"I like working in the care home.  I think I'm good at it, don't you?"
"You are a good careworker, Michael.  But there is more to life than your job.  There are relationships.  Like the relationship you have with me."
"We're good friends," said Michael.
"Are we more than that?  Michael, do you love me?"
"I'm fond of you."
"Michael, do you love me more than anyone else?"
"Yes.  I love you more than anyone else."
"Michael, do you love me more than anyone you have ever met?"
"Roxanne, you know that I love you more than anyone I have ever met."
"It's Valentine's Day," said Roxanne.  "Will you be my valentine?"
"You want me to buy you a box of chocolates?"  Roxanne screamed at the top of her voice.
"Michael, what part of I'm madly in love with you and I want to marry you do you not understand?"
The couple on the next table began staring at them.   
"You want me to marry you?" asked Michael.  "Right here, right now?" 
"Yes I do."
"How?"
"I've got an app on my mobile phone."  Roxanne looked at the couple on the next table.  "Will you be our witnesses?"
"I'm Tracy," said the woman.
"I'm Cliff," said the man.
"Yes, we'll be your witnesses," said Tracy.  "How lovely."  A vicar appeared on the screen of Roxanne's phone.  He began speaking.
"We are gathered here today to witness the lawful marriage of Michael Smith and Roxanne Singh.  If either of the witnesses can think of any lawful impediment why the two can not be legally joined in matrimony, let him speak now or forever hold his peace.  Michael Smith, do you take Roxanne Singh to be your lawful wedded wife, to love honour and obey?"
"I do."
"Roxanne Singh, do you take Michael Smith to be your lawful wedded husband, to love and honour?"
"I do."
"To be married means to make a public agreement with the intention of honouring your beloved above all others for the rest of your life.  Do you agree to this?"
"Yes," said Michael.
"Yes," said Roxanne.
"I now pronounce you man and wife.  Your marriage certificate has been emailed to you and £35 has been taken from your account."
"Ah, how wonderful," said Tracy, "and on Valentine's Day."  Michael beamed a big smile.
"Well I never," he said.  "I leave work for a coffee break and now we're Mr. and Mrs. Singh."
"Where are you going on your honeymoon?" asked Cliff.
"How about Amsterdam?" suggested Michael.
"Oh, wonderful," said Roxanne.  Michael put his mobile phone on the table beside him.
"There's this budget airline called Green Wings," said Michael.  "They're incredibly cheap.  Fly from London to Amsterdam for £25."
"How do they get the fare down to £25?" asked Roxanne.  "Do you have to fly in the middle of the night?"
"The flight leaves at twelve mid day.  I'll book us into a guest house.  That only costs £175 each for a whole week."
"A holiday in Holland for £200.  How do they manage that?"

 

Roxanne and Michael took a self drive taxi to Heathrow Airport.  A strange looking aeroplane arrived on the runway.  It had 3 sets of biplane wings and had lots of solar panels on the top.
"Is that our plane?" asked Roxanne.
"It says Green Wings on the side," said Michael.  "I just wonder, if it's solar powered, it's sunny now but what happens when the sun goes behind a cloud?"  They got on to the plane and sat down.  The plane took off.  It seemed a slow and gentle flight, unlike the rapid acceleration and climbing of a big jet.  A few minutes into the flight, the sun went behind a cloud and a voice came over the tannoy.
"This is your Engine Managment Control System speaking.  The sun has gone behind a cloud.  Can all the passengers please start pedalling."  There were pedals, like ordinary bicycle pedals, in front of everybody's seat.  A sign lit up on the wall that said "Pedal" in big red letters.
"I'm going to speak to the pilot," said one of the passengers.
"There is no pilot," the hostess replied.  "Planes don't have pilots anymore."
"I don't fancy pedalling all the way to Amsterdam."  The hostess laughed.
"You're not going to be pedalling all the way to Amsterdam.  It'll only be for a few minutes, until the aircraft breaks cloud cover.  All the time you're pedalling, the aircraft is climbing at 10 feet a second."  After about ten minutes the sun shone through the windows.
"This is your Engine Management Control System speaking.  We have now broken cloud cover.  Can all the passengers please stop pedalling."

 

Now that the crisis was over the hostess came around with a tea trolley.
"It makes you hungry and thirsty, all that pedalling," said Michael.  "You've got a job for life, you have."
"Toast, croissant, crumpet, sandwiches, would you like some lunch?" the hostess asked.  She gave Roxanne a menu.
"I'll have a bacon bap with a cup of coffee," she said.
"That'll be £7.50 please."
"I'll have a croissant with peanut butter and a coconut milkshake," said Michael.
"That'll be £6.50 please."  Michael immersed himself in the cheap paperback book he had bought from the airport.  At dinner time the air hostess came around again.  She gave Michael the menu.
"Fish and chips," said Michael.  "That would be nice."
"I'll have the same," said Roxanne.
"Two coffees," said Michael.
"£28 please." 

"The food tastes lovely," Roxanne said to the hostess.  "Airline food doesn't usually taste like anything.  You lose your sense of taste when you're travelling at 35,000 feet."
"We're not travelling at 35,000 feet.  This aircraft can't fly at more than 10,000 feet."

 

Several more hours went by and Michael buried his head in his book, as well as frequently looking out of the window.  When the cloud cleared he had a detailed view of the ground, more detailed than he had had in his previous experience of jet flying.  He could see cars and buildings clearly on the ground.  He noticed that he had read almost to the end of his book.  "How long does the plane take to get to Amsterdam?" he asked the air hostess.
"We should be there by half past seven."
"We've been flying since twelve o' clock.  Why does it take seven and a half hours to fly from London to Amsterdam?"
"The aeroplane is travelling at 30 miles an hour."
"A car can travel faster than that," said Roxanne.  "A train would be quicker."
"Have you ever heard of Concorde?" asked Michael.  "Breakfast in London, lunch in New York?"  The hostess started laughing.
"That was a hundred years ago.  It was really expensive.  It must have used an awful lot of fuel.  This an experimental aircraft that flies totally without fuel.  We keep the fare down to £25 by making sure that the passengers have lunch and dinner on the plane."
"Is it possible for an aeroplane to travel that slowly without crashing?" asked Michael.
"That's why we use a biplane with 3 sets of wings.  The manufacturers say you can fly this aircraft at thirty miles an hour and still have control of it."

 

Michael and Roxanne took a self drive taxi to their holiday camp.  They went into the dormitory.  It was a big, military style barracks with bunk beds going on for some considerable distance.  They left their suitcases on one of the bunk beds.
"I'm going to take a shower," said Michael.  After he came out of the shower, an old man came up to him in the yard, highly irate.
"Don't use the shower," said the old man.  "They can see you."
"It's got frosted glass."
"I know it's frosted glass but you still get a pretty clear view."
"This is absolutely ridiculous.  I am a bloke.  If I think I need a shower, the chances are I needed one yesterday."  Michael started kicking a big plastic dustbin.  "Stupid old man!" he shouted.  Roxanne tried to calm him down.
"Michael, what does it matter?  It isn't your fault.  At least it wasn't me who went in the shower, I would have been really embarrassed." 

 

They went to the canteen to have dinner.  There was a round plastic music player on one of the tables.  Roxanne took out her mobile phone and wondered why she couldn't put any songs on to the music player.  She looked at the girl in the red zip up jumper who worked in the canteen.
"Why can't I find the music player on my mobile phone?"
"It doesn't connect to a mobile phone."
"If it doesn't connect to a mobile phone, how do you get music into it?"  The waitress pointed to a metal tin full of CDs and a small wooden box full of cassettes.
"You put one of those plastic discs in the top, or you put one of those cartridges in the front, and then you close the lid."  Roxanne started giggling.
"Is that how they listen to music in Holland?"
"That's how people listened to music before they had mobile phones," said Michael.
"Was there a time before mobile phones?" asked Roxanne.  "How long ago was that?" 
"The music player is from the twentieth century."
"Wow," said Roxanne.  She looked at the cassettes and saw some music that she quite liked.  "Can I play this?" The waitress removed the CD that was already in the music player.  Roxanne opened the lid at the front of the machine, inserted the cassette and pressed one of the keys. She heard nothing.
"You put it in the wrong way round," said the waitress.  Roxanne was now in fits of laughter.  The waitress opened the lid, put the cassette in the other way round, pressed the key again and, after a few seconds, the music played. 

 

The food arrived.  It had started life as a cheap tin of vegetable soup but had had various things added to it.  This fortified soup, as opposed to fortified wine, contained stewing steak, kidney beans, garden peas and sweet corn.  A huge loaf of bread passed around, with a bread knife and a huge tub of margarine.  They all hungrily ate.
"I like this soup," said Roxanne.
"I don't dislike it," said an old lady, "but you do get a little bit tired of eating it every day."
"I don't get tired of it," said a young man, who looked like a student.  "Best meals of the year, here.  On Friday they put some carrots and hot dog sausages in the soup to give you a bit of variety."
"Want any more?" asked the waitress.  Michael had a second bowl and another huge chunk of bread.  When he had finished eating this, the waitress said, "Come on, time to do the washing up."

 

The guests lined up in the kitchen, behind huge sinks that seemed to go on for miles.  There was a plentiful supply of hot water, washing up liquid, tea towels and cupboards to put the dishes in once they were washed.  They finished the washing up and headed back to the dormitory.
"Do you want to buy some earplugs from the camp shop?" asked the old lady.  "I strongly recommend them.  Those dormitories can be very noisy affairs."
"Yes, that would be a good idea," said Roxanne.  They walked towards the camp shop.  "We've only just married."
"This isn't an ideal place for a honeymoon.  You won't have a great deal of privacy.  Your relationship won't be consummated."  Roxanne burst out laughing.
"I think our relationship was consummated a long time ago."

 

They woke up the next morning in the crowded noisy dormitory, the peace of which was disturbed by the noise of people talking to each other, moving around, unpacking their suitcases and getting dressed.
"What are we going to do today?" asked Roxanne.
"I can't hear you," said Michael.  "I can't get these earplugs out of my ears."  He squashed one ear plug with his fingers, squishing it this way and that, until he finally got a small piece of it between his thumb and forefinger and gave it a hard pull so that it came out.  "What were you saying?"
"What are we going to do today, Michael?  I got some brochures from the camp shop last night.  I want to go to some museums, do a two hour cycle ride around the city centre and go for a lovely cruise down the canal."
"I want to find a bar."
"You don't want to do any of those things?"
"No."
"Couldn't we go for a cruise down the canal and go to the bar when we come back?"
"I'd rather spend the whole day in the bar."
"Michael, we're here for a whole week."
"Wonderful, a whole week to spend getting drunk."
"Michael, what is the point of getting in an aeroplane and flying for seven hours if all you want to do is sit in a bar and get drunk?"
"The point is that the booze is a lot cheaper here than it would be in London.  You can drink for a week here for £100, and in London that would be gone in one night.  Why don't we go to Portugal next year?  That's a poor country.  The price scales are different.  I could take my whole annual leave off work and get drunk for a month for £100 if we went to Portugal."
"Wouldn't you rather cruise down a lovely canal with your lovely wife?"
"No.  You can come back here afterwards.  I can spend the evening in the bar with my lovely wife."
"Alcohol is not a lasting pleasure."
"Going on a cruise down a river is not a lasting pleasure, either."
"Michael, you're just putting a chemical into your brain, you're not really enjoying yourself."
"Yes I am.  Look Roxanne, different marriages work in different ways.  I read that in a book.  There are marriages of consensus, where the couple are exactly alike, and there are complementary marriages, where the couple are entirely different, but it's more like a key that fits a lock.  We have a complementary marriage.  We don't have to like doing the same things.  You do the things that you like on holiday, and I'll do mine.  You want to go on a river cruise and then come to the bar, that's fine."