Future Daze 6 - The School Trip

"This year we're having a school trip to Spain," said Mr. Pankhurst, the headmaster of Simon and Emily's school.  A strange looking aircraft appeared on the screen on the wall of the staff room.
"A huge biplane with 2 fuselages," said Mr Glass, the art teacher.
"Green Wings gave us the cheapest quote," said the headmaster.  "Only £50,000 to charter the aircraft both ways."
"That must be the biggest aeroplane in the whole world," said Miss Violet, the Physics teacher.
"800 passengers in each of its 2 fuselages," said Mr. Pankhurst.  "There's only 1200 pupils at the school, so some other people would be able to come as well.  Some of the children will be able to take their parents with them."
"Who would want to go on a school trip with their parents?" asked Miss Violet, horrified.

 

"We're going on the school trip to Spain," Emily told her two parents as they sat in the cafe, in the shopping precinct next to the tower block, having their usual evening meal of frozen pancakes and microchips.
"Can we afford it?" asked Michael.
"£200 a person," said Simon.
"Is that the subsidised fee for low income families?" asked Michael.
"Michael," said Roxanne, "what are you talking about, subsidised fees for low income families?  You've read too many books about Tony Blair."
"Whose Tony Blair?" asked Emily.
"A Conservative Prime Minister in the 1990s," Simon enlightened his sister.
"He wasn't a Conservative," said Michael.
"I think £200 for each of the children is quite affordable," said Roxanne, "and I imagine it's the real cost of the trip."
"You'll have to get passports as well," said Michael.  "That'll cost money.  I suppose they'll need them when they grow up.  Come in handy, they will.  Proof of ID.  People don't have driving licences anymore."
"What's a driving licence?" asked Roxanne.
"To drive a car."
"Why would you want to drive a car, Dad, wouldn't it just drive itself?" asked Simon.
"In the twentieth century cars couldn't drive themselves, people had to have a driving licence before they could drive their own car."
"Wouldn't that be dangerous?" asked Emily.
"We could get them those new biometric identity cards the government have just introduced," said Roxanne.
"Biometric Identity Cards," said Michael, looking overjoyed.  "Ninety years after Tony Blair had the idea, Labour are in coalition with the Socialist Party, the Green Party and the Liberal Democrats and they've finally introduced them."
"I think they're a good idea," said Roxanne.
"They were always an excellent idea," said Michael.  "But how do you do it?  If somebody wants to open a bank account, how can the bank manager do a DNA test there and then?"
"Spit into your mobile phone," said Simon.  "It's got DNA analysis software, hasn't it?"
"You can come on the trip as well," said Emily.
"The parents can come on the school trip with their own children?" asked Roxanne.
"They've chartered a plane," said Emily.  "It has 1600 seats."
"Too many," said Simon.  "So they said that the parents could come as well, if they wanted to."
"Do you want your parents to come with you on a school trip?" asked Roxanne.
"Why not?" asked Simon.
"They'd be watching your every move."
"You watch my every move most of the time.  The school trip wouldn't be any different."
"I'd like to go on the school trip to Spain," said Michael.  "I'd just like a cheap holiday."
"You'd just like some cheap booze," said Roxanne.
"Roxanne, Spain is a middle income country.  People earn £1 a day.  The booze is super cheap.  I need to drink heavily because of the stress of my job."
"I do the same job as you, Michael.  I manage to cope with it without becoming an alcoholic."
"You're one of a rare breed."
""Mam, why do you think everybody else is going?"  Simon said, laughing.  Roxanne looked at her son indignantly.
"You are far too young to be getting drunk."
"I've been drinking since I was 10."
"I gave you a glass of wine with your dinner."  Simon and Emily burst out laughing.
"That's not drinking," said Emily.  "We're talking about real drinking.  Drinking in order to get drunk."
"I've been drinking alcoholic milkshake since I was 10," said Simon.
"So have I," said Emily.
"That's disgusting," said Roxanne.  "I didn't start drinking until I was 12.  Even then, it was only one bottle of blue alcopop on the street corner.  I liked the taste.  I'm worried in case you drink a whole bottle of wine and you end up being taken away in an ambulance."
"I wasn't taken away in an ambulance the last time I had a whole bottle of wine," said Simon.
"Can I go with them on my own?" asked Michael.
"No," said Roxanne.  "I'm coming with them, to keep an eye on you."

 

Michael and his family took a self drive taxi to Heathrow Airport at 7 o' clock in the morning.  The aeroplane taxied down the runway.
"Is that our plane?" asked Roxanne.  "It looks really weird."
"I think Green Wings gave them the lowest quote," said Michael.
"Is it solar powered?"
"No, it's diesel.  It's medium range.  We don't have to pedal."
"Do you have to pedal on an aeroplane?" asked Emily, sniggering.
"You do when it's a solar powered aeroplane," said Roxanne.
"Not like the big jets I remember from my childhood," said an old lady.
"Big jets still exist," said Michael.  "It's just that not many people can afford them.  If you're only flying a few hundred miles, jet aircraft are unnecessary and they use loads of fuel.  Biplanes are much more efficient."  They all got on the plane.

 

At lunchtime a team of men and women in uniform pushed around a long line of trolleys full of food.
"It's feeding time," said Michael.  "The children are clapping their hands like little seals."  Frequent shouts came from excited children.
"Could I have another triple decker bacon burger with cheese?"
"Could I have a quarter kilogram bucket of London fried chicken?"
"Could I have a deep fried king size chocolate doughnut?"
 One of the hostesses spoke to Roxanne.
"Would you like some lunch?"
"Fish and chips,please," said Roxanne.
"Twice," said Michael. 
"Sensible food for grown ups," said the hostess.  "Would you like a deep fried king size chocolate doughnut with that?"
"No," said Roxanne.  The children were already eating.  Simon was devouring a quarter kilogram big mac and Emily was eating a deep fried king size chocolate and chilli pizza.
"Each of these kids will spend more on the food they are eating on the flight, each way, than it cost them for a return ticket.  That's how we keep the prices so low."
"We started flying at seven thirty," said Michael.  "Why didn't we get a cooked breakfast?"
"This is a school flight.  You know what teenagers are like for eating breakfast.  Bacon and egg is healthy, compared to the rubbish they're eating now, and one has to leave room for all the rubbish."

 

A few hours later, a similar degree of chaos and pandemonium erupted over the evening meal.
"Could I have a triple decker lemon banana chocolate sandwich and a bowl of Mars bar porridge?" Simon asked the hostess.
"Simon," said Roxanne.  "Aren't you having anything with any protein in it?"
"Well, I had a quarter kilogram burger at lunchtime and a king size chocolate and chilli pizza because I saw Emily eating one.  That sounds like enough protein for one day."
"That sounds like enough protein for a week," said Michael.
"Go on then," said Roxanne.  "By the way, we've been on this flight ten hours.  Are we anywhere near Spain?"
"We are flying over Spain," said the hostess.  "I think we've only just got there.  Madrid will be another two and a half hours."
"Why does it take twelve and a half hours to fly from London to Madrid?"
"The aeroplane is travelling at 62.5 miles an hour to save fuel."
"Another reason why the return air fare to Spain is only £50," said Michael.
"It's actually less than that," said the hostess.  "It's slightly less than £30, if the aircraft was full.  We need to save a lot of money on fuel and we need the passengers to spend a lot of money on food.  An aircraft that travels at the speed of a motor coach is every airline's dream."
"It must limit the range of the aircraft quite a lot, you don't have any beds," said Roxanne.
"We fly to popular European holiday destinations.  London to Madrid, London to Rome, and anywhere in between."
"Do you fly to Eastern Europe?" asked Emily.  "I want to study the fall of communism."
"I want to study the fall of someone who has had too much vodka to drink," said Simon.
"We do go to some destinations in Eastern Europe.  Czech Republic, Poland, Croatia, Hungary."
"Some Eastern European countries are opening up to western tourists," said Simon.  "Bargain Booze have started doing package holidays.  Go to some poor country where a bottle of the local fire water is about as expensive as a bottle of lemonade.  That's a good idea for the next school trip."

 

The aeroplane landed in Madrid at 8PM.  The children, parents and teachers hopped into an entire fleet of self drive taxis that were available at the airport.  Michael, Roxanne and their children got into a large 4 seater taxi with plenty of luggage space.  It drove them to the hotel where they were staying.
"That doesn't look like a hotel," said Roxanne.  "That looks like a prison."
"It's a 2 star hotel," said Simon.  "It used to be a prison."
"What would a 1 star hotel be like?" asked Michael.  "A freezing cold tent in the middle of Norway?"
"Do you think they would give you a tent?  A large group of sleeping bags on the side of a mountain," said Emily, laughing.  "That's a 1 star hotel."  A Japanese robot came to the door to meet the family.  It was one metre high and looked like something out of a 1970s sci-fi movie.
"I know you," Simon said to the robot.  "You used to be one of my toys when I was 7."
"Sorry Sir," said the robot, "I don't believe that we are that well acquainted.  My memory can recognise up to ten faces.  If I knew you well, your face would be in my system memory.  I also wish to point out that I have only existed for 3 years.  You must have confused me with a similar robot.  There are many Cyrus Mark 2 robots and they all look the same."
"Carry these suitcases," said Simon.  "You've got a pair of hands, haven't you?"
"I do have a pair of hands, Sir, as you observe, but I am not physically large enough to carry your suitcases."
"Why can't you put them on a trolley and tow them along?"
"That, Sir, would seem like a good idea.  The management do not, however, provide a trolley and their intention is that you carry your suitcases to the room yourself.  I am here to direct you to your room.  Please follow me."  They followed the robot as it walked, on white plastic legs and feet, along the corridor.
"Simon," said Roxanne.  "Why are you being so rude?"
"You think I've hurt its feelings?  I'm talking to a robot.  I've seen more powerful drones working as grape pickers on a farm.  Can't they even give us a decent robot that can carry our cases to our rooms?"
"That would be an excellent idea, Sir, but very expensive.  Please be patient Sir, this is a budget holiday."  The robot pressed a control on the wall.  A huge iron door swung open.  Behind it was a tiny cell with bunk beds on either side and a toilet and wash basin in the middle.  The prison bars were still on the window.
"This used to be a prison cell," said Michael.
"Indeed it did, Sir," said the robot.  "Have a nice stay.  Kitchen facilities are provided on the ground floor near the entrance and there is a shop in which you can buy your own food and drink."
"Not much different to London, then," said Simon.
"Can I play on the door?" asked Emily.  "It's a huge prison door.  I bet it closes with a loud bang."  The air was soon filled with the sound of children swinging on the prison doors, all over the building, and causing them to close with a bang.
"Shall we have supper tonight?" asked Roxanne.
"I'm not hungry," said Simon.
"I'm not surprised," said Michael.
"What are we going to do then?" asked Roxanne.  "We can't just sit here for the rest of the night.  It's hot and stuffy in the cell."
"It's Friday night," said Simon.  "Let's go and find a bar."
"Do you think you'd get in? They'd all be really full," said Michael.  "Far better to buy a few bottles of wine from a shop and sit on the grass and drink it somewhere."

 

They spent the evening sitting on a bench in a park drinking a six pack of red wine.  Roxanne had a brochure of things to do in Madrid.
"There's nothing to do in Madrid," said Emily, looking at the brochure.  "It's boring."
"Who cares?" asked Simon.
"There's a tour bus that goes around the city," said Roxanne.
"Would they let us drink wine on the bus?" asked Simon.
"We could be discreet," said Michael.  "Pretend we were having coffee.  Buy a thermosflask and pour everyone a coffee mug full of wine while we were going around."
"What's the point of going on a bus tour if all you want to do is get drunk?" asked Roxanne.
"True," said Simon.  "You can get drunk anywhere."
"Madrid is centrally located," said Roxanne.  "We can travel by coach to Toledo and Segovia."
"You get a guided tour and you learn all about the history," said Emily.
"While everybody else is studying history and going on a tour with the guide, we can slope off to the wine shop and refill our flasks," said Simon.
"Why don't we just stay here for a week?" asked Michael.
"Dad, we didn't come all the way to Spain just so we could spend a week getting drunk," said Emily.
"Yes we did," said Simon.  "You can go to all those beautiful places with Mum.  We'll stay here and get absolutely off our heads."  Michael looked at his mobile phone.
"Look," he said.  "Bargain Booze do package holidays in Zhagreb.  That's where we're going next year."