Holidays in Hell 2. How Did I Become A Leader in the Underground Church?

(Scene 1.  Rosey knocking on the door of the chalet with a pocket headphone radio in her hand.)

Susan :-  Would you like a coffee?

Rosey :-  Yes.  (Comes into the chalet and sits down.)  Thank you very much.  I am a secret Christian.  I listen to Christian radio programmes on this little radio on Sunday night.  I haven’t told my family I’m a Christian.  I would be killed.

Pastor :-  There’s a Roman Catholic cathedral in the city centre.  I thought they were very tolerant.

Rosey :-  The cathedral is for those who are born Roman Catholic.  I am a member of the other tribe.  The name of my tribe translates as The Rat Eaters.

Susan :-  How terrible that they call you that.

Rosey :-  Oh no.  It is a complement.  It means that we are rich.  In England you have Beefeaters.  In Boogaloo we have Rateaters.  The Rat Eaters are not allowed to change their religion.  The penalty is death.

Pastor :-  So you are a secret believer.  Have you ever told anyone that you are a Christian?

Rosey :-  I have some Christian friends who meet in the woods.  You will have to meet them.

Susan :-  (Pouring out the coffee.)  Oh, I’m looking forward to that.

 

(Scene 2.  Pastor Daniel Beeston, Susan and Rosey in the woods with hundreds of people.)

Rosey :-  We don’t usually have this many.  They’ve come from all over the country to see you. 

Susan :-  Isn’t that kind of them?

Pastor :-  Yes Dear, isn’t that kind?

Rosey :-  (Turns to speak to the crowd.)  This is Pastor Beast and his wife Susan.  They have come all the way from Wales, which is in London, which is in America, to hold a three day conference for us.  Pastor Beast will give us all sorts of advice about what to do when we are persecuted for our faith.

Pastor :-  (Panting and coughing with fear.)  It’s the first I’ve heard of it.  They didn’t teach me anything about that in theological college.  I specialised in Dispensationalism and Millenialism.  I wrote a book entitled, ‘Jesus is Coming Again in Your Lifetime.’

Susan :-  Darling, you wrote that book in 1957.  If Jesus is coming again in our lifetime, he’d better do it pretty damn quick.

Pastor :-  We’re only in our late seventies, Dear.  People live to be 90 nowadays.  I’m sure that day is closer than any of us think.  I haven’t prepared.  I don’t know anything about persecution.  Let’s go home.

Susan :-  Darling, these people have come hundreds of miles to have a 3 day conference with you.  The least you can do is to be polite.

Pastor :-  What do I say?

Susan :-  Well, you could start by telling them to love their enemies.

Pastor :-  Yes.  Turn in your Bibles to Matthew chapter 5.

Voice in the Crowd :-  We haven’t got any Bibles.

Pastor :-  That’s all right, I have mine.  Matthew chapter 5.  “You have heard that it was said, ‘Eye for eye and tooth for tooth’ but I say ‘if a man strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also.’  Don’t take revenge.  Love your enemies.  Pray for those who persecute you.”

Rosey :-  Thank you, Pastor Beast.  That is excellent advice.

Pastor :-  Rosey, my name is Pastor Daniel Beeston.

Rosey :-  That’s what I said, Pastor Beast.

Pastor :-  That took 5 minutes.  This conference is supposed to last 3 days.  What do I do now?

Susan :-  Darling, you know the book of Revelation very well.  Why don’t you go right the way through it, explaining anything it says about persecuted Christians?

Pastor :-  Good idea.  I think I need to prepare that when I go home tonight.  It’s going to take some time to prepare something like that properly.

Rosey :-  Pastor Beast, why don’t you spend the afternoon answering any questions people might have?  Then you can do the serious teaching tomorrow.

Pastor :-  Excellent.  Who has a question?

Voice in the Crowd :-  Is Christ only known in Boogaloo or is he known all over the world?

Pastor :-  Christ is known in nearly every country of the world.  There are almost 200 countries in the world.  There are a number of those that officially have no Christians -  4 or 5 out of those 200 countries.  Even then, we meet Christians from those countries of the world that officially have none.

Voice in the Crowd :-  How many Christians are there in America?

Pastor :-  There are millions of Christians in America.

Susan :-  We’re from Wales.

Pastor :-  Don’t argue.  There are thousands of churches in every American state and hundreds of Christian radio and television stations.  (Someone in the crowd starts crying loudly.)  Are you crying out of happiness?

Voice in the Crowd :-  No Pastor, I’m crying because I listen to an American Christian radio programme in the afternoon and it’s such a load of crap.

Rosey :-  Should we go to the shipping container?

Susan :-  What’s that all about?

Rosey :-  They were a Catholic church choir.  They all got arrested on the same day because they wouldn’t join the army.  They’re kept together in a shipping container.  They sing to us.

 

(Scene 3.  The Christians are standing in the woods beside the shipping container.  The sound of an African hymn is bellowing out of it.  The Christians outside join in the singing and dance around.)

Pastor Daniel :-  Should I teach them an English song?

Rosey :-  Yes.  That would be fantastic.

Pastor Daniel :-  When the Spirit of the Lord is within my heart, I will sing as David sang.  (Everybody joins in.)  I will sing, I will sing, I will sing as David sang.  I will sing, I will sing, I will sing as David sang.  When the Spirit of the Lord is within my heart, I will clap as David clapped.  I will clap, I will clap, I will clap as David clapped.  I will clap, I will clap, I will clap as David clapped.  When the Spirit of the Lord is within my heart I will dance as David danced.  (The singing stops.  Screams come from inside the shipping container.)

Voices from the shipping container :-  You’re standing on my shoulder!  You’re standing on my head!

Rosey :-  Pastor Beast, can you sing something else?

Pastor Daniel :-  Bless the Lord, all you servants of the Lord, who minister by night within his house.  Lift up your hands in the sanctuary –

Voice from inside shipping container :-  - No!

Susan :-  Darling, I think you’d better go home and prepare your sermon.

 

(Scene 4.  In the woods the next day.  The Christians are together in the woods and Pastor Daniel Beeston has finished preparing his sermon.)

Pastor :-  The letters to the seven churches in the book of Revelation.  Some people believe that these seven letters represent the church in seven periods of history.  It has also been said that we are in the last of those seven periods.  In the early periods of history, in the first few letters, the church is persecuted.  In the last of the seven periods, the church is lukewarm.

Susan :-  What does lukewarm mean?

Pastor :-  Neither hot nor cold.  Christians who don’t love God but don’t stop being Christians.  This was the teaching of the English minister, John Nelson Darby, that the church in England was lukewarm – that the Christians were still in the church but had lost all love for God.  Their hearts were not in it.

Voice in the Crowd :-  Are there such Christians?

Pastor :-  Yes, there are millions of them.  When I was young I used to develop photographs.  The water I used didn’t feel hot and it didn’t feel cold.  It was exactly in between – it was neither hot nor cold.

Voice in the Crowd :-  How does this happen?

Pastor :-  When things are too easy.  The ancient nation of Israel were told by God, ‘You will forget me in your prosperity.’  Many churches are good when they’re struggling against opposition, and then, when the people in them feel comfortable, they forget God.  The early Charismatic churches –

Susan :-  - What’s Charismatic?

Pastor :-  Holy Spirit churches.  In England they struggled for many decades.  Most Christians didn’t believe that Christians could pray in tongues or that God could speak to people directly today.  They thought all the answers were in the Bible.

Voice in the Crowd :-  That’s terrible.

Pastor :-  The Holy Spirit Charismatic churches suffered decades of bullying and mockery from the other Christians.  During this time, their churches grew enormous.  But now, all the churches believe in the spiritual gifts.  The Charismatic churches are not what they used to be.  They may still have some good people, but they have lost the life they once had.

Susan :- Are you going to say anything positive, or are you just going to terrify people with stories from English history?

Pastor :-  I’m coming to that.  Of course, John Nelson Darby is wrong about the letters to the churches in the book of Revelation representing seven periods of history.  He lived 200 years ago.  You might have forgiven him for thinking that persecution of Christians had only happened in the distant past.  There was very little persecution of Christians in his lifetime.  Brothers, there is very much persecution of Christians now, 200 years after John Nelson Darby.  The belief that these 7 letters represent 7 periods of history is no longer acceptable, or we would not be a persecuted church.  These 7 letters represent the 7 historical churches to which they were addressed – those are real churches.  But they can also be applied to churches on Earth today which are in similar positions.

Susan :-  What letter would apply to this church?

Pastor :-  You are like the church in Smyrna.  The church in Smyrna gets a good report.  Like us it is a very poor church and it is a very persecuted church.  “I know your hard work, your suffering, your poverty (although you are rich) and the blasphemy of those who say they are Jews but are not but are the synagogue of Satan.  Do not fear any of the things you will suffer.  The devil will put some of you in prison to test you.  You will suffer for ten days.  Be faithful until death and I will give you a crown of life.”

Rosey :-  Say that again.

Pastor :-  Be faithful until death and I will give you a crown of life.  So when nearly all the other churches in the book of Revelation get a real beating, this really poor, really persecuted church in Smyrna gets a good report.

Rosey :-  What was that verse again, Pastor Beast?

Pastor :-  Revelation 2 verse 10.  Be faithful until death and I will give you a crown of life.  God is also very pleased with the church in Philadelphia.  That is a very persecuted church.  “For you have a little strength and have kept my word and have not denied my name.  Because you have kept my command to endure patiently I will also keep you from the hour of suffering that is coming on the Earth.”  Jesus is coming again, he is coming again to take you out of this suffering world to be with him.  And those who are left behind –

Susan :-  - Will they be any worse off than these people are now?

Pastor :-  Perhaps not.  But this will be your reward.  “He who overcomes I will make a pillar in the temple of my God.  Never again will he leave it.  The new Jerusalem will come down from Heaven – you will be a pillar in the temple of God in that city.  Oh well, perhaps not literally a pillar in a physical temple.  In Revelation 7 we read, “They are before the throne of God, and serve him day and night in his temple.”  Perhaps that’s what being a pillar really means, serving God in his temple.  The apostle had a vision of a great multitude of people that no one could count, from every nation, tribe and language.  They were wearing white robes, they had palm branches in their hands, and they were worshipping God.  One of the elders asked, “Who are these?”  The answer was, “They are the ones who have come through the terrible suffering, the Great Tribulation.  They have washed their robes and made them white in the blood of the lamb.”  In Revelation 12 verse 11 we read, “ They overcame him by the blood of the lamb and did not love their lives so much as to shrink from death.”

Rosey :-  What was that verse, Pastor Beast?

Pastor :-  Revelation 12 verse 11.  “They overcame him by the blood of the lamb and did not love their lives so much as to shrink from death.” 

Rosey :-  And what was the other one?

Pastor :-  Revelation 2 verse 10.  “Be faithful unto death and I will give you a crown of life.”

Rosey :-  Thank you, Pastor Beast.  That’s fantastic.  We’re all very encouraged in our faith.  Those Bible verses will strengthen us through many years of persecution.

 

(Scene 5.  Pastor Daniel Beeston is walking down the street and is approached by a policeman.)

Policeman :-  You’re under arrest.

Pastor :-  Why, what have I done?

Policeman :-  Just put these handcuffs on and get in the van, Sir.

 

(Scene 6.  Pastor Daniel Beeston is marched, still in handcuffs, into the police interrogation room.)

Sergeant :-  I’m Sergeant Mandela.

Other Policeman :-  Sit down, Pastor Beast.

Sergeant :-  What do you believe about homosexuality?

Pastor :-  I haven’t said anything about homosexuality.

Sergeant :-  How far through the book of Revelation did you get, Pastor Beast?  They don’t get a very good press, do they?  They get thrown into the lake of fire!

Pastor :-  I preached on the first ten chapters of the book or Revelation.  We didn’t get that far.

Sergeant :-  You haven’t answered my question, Pastor.  What do you believe about homosexuality?

Pastor :-  Sergeant Mandela, you’re an African.  What does your religion teach about homosexuality?  Surely your African tribal religion teaches that it’s wrong anyway.

Sergeant :-  How can I be a Christian?  I’m the wrong colour.  Pastor Beast, I am a Roman Catholic.  I don’t go to the Catholic cathedral anymore because it teaches the fear and condemnation of God, not the love of God.  Our country just legalised gay marriage.

Pastor :-  You were forced to legalise gay marriage to get a good deal on your country’s debts.

Sergeant (leaping off his chair) :-  My country has just come to the end of a 27 year war of independence.  My grandfather and my uncle were soldiers.  Both died.  Please don’t tell me that my country is a glove puppet of the United Nations and does exactly what it is told by the Americans.

Other Policeman :-  You never know, you could be right.

Sergeant (sits down again) :-  Answer the question.

Pastor :-  I believe that some people can’t help being gay.

Sergeant :-  That is just stating the obvious.  We all know that some people can’t help being gay.

Pastor :-  If they can’t help it, Sergeant, homosexual feelings aren’t wrong.

Sergeant :-  Homosexual relationships, what about those, Pastor?

Pastor :-  Sexual activity is allowed only between a man and a woman.

Sergeant :-  Why?

Pastor :-  It’s scripture.  Adam and Eve were male and female.

Sergeant :-  Do you believe it’s a sin to eat pork?

Pastor :-  The New Testament allows to eat pork, but it still teaches that homosexuality is wrong.

Sergeant :-  Of course it does, it was written by the Romans.

Pastor :-  Christians have nothing against gay people.

Sergeant :-  But they have to be celibate!  Why can’t they be married, Pastor, married by you?  I just wanted to clarify the legal situation.  Go home and think about it.

 

Click on Follow My Leader on the footnotes at the bottom of this page to see other stories by Malcolm Lisle and the rest of this series.