Foreign Policy

'In the states we would shoot them loudmouths,' said the blonde woman, looking normal, but being as crazed as they came.
The waiter placed the cards on the table.
We encourage voiceless communication, he said, more on the outside than on the inside. Inside you could use speech at a hushed pace, if it would go over a certain decibel level the alarm above the table would sound and they, and he pointed at them, would be asked to leave. Immediately, no refunds. Welcome to the house of fun, he continued, here is the menu and these little cards show how to use sign language proper, they are a pound each and charged to your bill, sort of get going charge. His left eye winked at them and he pulled a small pad from the pouch slung around his hips, asked about drinks. They said they needed a moment, looked up seeing a small white box installed right above their conversation which would monitor decibels, perhaps contents of conversation in the process.
When he returned, he told them what he had omitted in the first round. A person is bound to the alcoholic limits, 2.5 measures per head, as advised by the law of some, which, he added, also helped keeping the noise down.
As they were there, they stuck with it, not wanting to find new transport, plus a table somewhere else which might take hours. They were too hungry for that they decided, ordered a bottle of wine that was delivered, a whole glass missing, then went on to look over the food.
It took them a while till they reached a decision, but when they were ready the waiter was there to take orders. Much like before it couldn't end there.
The portions, the waiter, told them were kept between 1700 and 2500 calories per meal depending on body weight, scales being built into chairs, the chef will receive the data and prepare the meals accordingly. It was meant to keep them fit, so when they were ready to leave they would do so at a brisk pace, rather than, and he paused and swallowed, feeling weighed down, having to linger out front, starting conversations that were strictly not wanted or encouraged. You want to converse, you stay right at home, the waiter said. You don't need to go out for that, it disturbs the peace and spoils peoples enjoyment of being out as much, as it spoils peoples enjoyment of staying home, trying to converse with each other, being interrupted by people outside.
It makes sense right, he took another pause and looked from one to the other, then took a deep breath.
See that bit is the bit where I get confused, cause there is so much in and out it makes it hard to follow. I told them, he told them, that they should have it all printed on another card, charge it to the table like the first ones, trouble with them cards is you can't tell whether people read them and act accordingly, that's why we have to say it out loud, not too loud of course, and have to learn it by heart. Not been here that long see, it can get confusing and they are strict about these things, because of the one who wants to shoot people and because its better for the community of course.
It was then, as the waiter was getting wound more tightly and sort of staccatoed himself into a mild form of rage, that the alarm above the table sounded. They came quick, two small heads with broad shoulders dressed in varying shades of black, picked their waiter by the pouch and took him outside, gave him a card that read 'Don't come back noisebraker!!' and underneath in smaller print 'Free of charge.'
'It wasn't like that,' the husband whispered to his wife on the table, both of them taking small sips from their glasses to make it last, 'when we were here last. When the place was alive and at times people sang a song, wrongly most halves of the time, but it felt like it was good to be alive.'

© Marcus Bastel