Eyelids

She thinks.
She thinks a lot.
She thinks a lot about the feeling.
The feeling when she can't lift up her eyelids anymore.
Each smudged eyelash weighs a tonne, she can't fight it, she can't keep her eyes open anymore.
She can't move her hands off the pillow. She tries to pull but they just stay stuck there.
That feeling.
She tries to pull her head up off her chin. She fights to keep her eyes open.
She thinks about this feeling.
Her lover sits next to her talking and talking but she can't pick out the words anymore.
She can't answer, her mouth is too dry. Her throat doesn't ever want to work again.
She pushes her eyelids open, she tries to focus on the room.
Her stomach retches even though its been empty for two days now.
She feels her finger tips trembling.
She thinks about this feeling and the mirror.
She feels bad about the mirror.
She touched the places where the reflection changed because they looked soft.
She touched them too much and now her finger tips have blood on them, but it's dry.
She thinks that's ok.
Her eyelids keep falling shut, it's getting harder
Her lover is still talking
She wants the noise to stop.
She thinks about how she wants this feeling. How she would do anything for it.
Her stomach retches again.
She feels bad about the mirror.
She keeps thinking about a wasp that came into her room once. It was big and she ran and hid downstairs. Then it fell into a light fitting and she watched it die.
It was her lovers fault.
She got pulled up from the bed and pushed over so her dragged down face was reflected in the mirror.
Her lover pushed a rolled up five pound note into her nose and told her to sniff.
She did.
The powder cleared away from the mirror and her reflection looked back at her.
Her eyes and cheeks were black.
She only meant to push the mirror away, but it flew into the wardrobe doors instead.
Then she fell back into the bed where her eyelids got heavier.
She tries to fight the feeling she wanted, but she feels too tiny to move
She can taste blood on her lips. It might be in her mouth too but her tongue and throat are numb.
She thinks a lot.
She thinks a lot about the wasp and the mirror and she feels bad for both.
Her eyelids got heavier.