Corduroy trousers and dreaming of yorkie bars

I have now been off chocolate and crisps for a week. The decision to
forgo these treats came about on a weekend away in Suffolk. We went to
a posh B&;B and discovered on arrival that we would have to dress
for dinner. I doubted that my well worn levis and old undertones
tee-shirt would cut it as dinner, so we ventured off in search of smart
but casual gear.

In Woodbridge, the nearest sizeable town, we wondered amongst the shops
and eventually found a shirt which I could wear again. The trousers
came next, I settled on cordoroy and tried on my size. To my shock the
36 waisted demons did not slip too easily on my clearly corpulent
frame. I expressed shock to the shop owner, "they must have put the
wrong label on" I said with clear panic in my voice.

He said he could check and produced a tape measure, luckily only myself
and Gill were customers at the time, and II lifted my arms while he
tried to stretch the tape measure around my lard. 37 he said, I pleaded
with him, "but my jeans are 36"..."the cords might stretch after you've
worn them a few times, he said, with more than a smirk in his
voice.

Inwardy I was thinking, that's it, it's elasticated trousers from now
on, or track suit bottoms, I had landed on the middle aged beach and
there was no boat to take me out. I muttered something about playing
foorball again and losing the weight that way. And bought the blasted
trousers to prove to him that I would be able to confortably get into
them very soon. I squeezed into them at dinner, but with the shirt
overhanging, my discomfort was not obvious to the other diners.

So that's why I gave up chocolate and crisps, I figured that they were
the most likely cause of my expanded waist. And so, went cold turkey,
not one of those demonic food groups has passed my lips in 8 days. The
cords do seem to fit more easily (I'm hoping that they haven't expanded
to accommodate my expansion)

The side effect of all this, is that I have started dreaming about
chocolate, specifically an enormous Yorkie Bar (the biscuit and raisin
one). This monster is stalking my dreams, daring me to take a huge
delicious bite out of it, and welcome into my life elastic waist bands
and track suit bottoms. This is my life, my struggle, my cross to
bear.

I wander how long I will last.