nanowrimo - 2007 - chapters 8-15 rough and ready word wasting glory
By martin_t
- 912 reads
Chapter eight. November the Eight.
Just poured the last of my bottle of Jim Beam into my favourite glass for drinking bourbon in. Taken a sip, and wanted a cigarette to go with it, but can’t smoke in the house anymore. Luckily, I bought a new bottle of Jim Beam today, when I Popped into Dalston Sainsbury’s, so no Jim Beam panic tonight. Thought I’d rattle out a few words in the graveyard shift, I have to keep on plugging away, I should hit thirteen thousand words tonight, fueled by Jim Beam.
It is 3 minutes past twelve, the page marker shows twenty pages. So nineteen pages of inane babbling lay behind me. If I was to send this off to a publisher, I think I would have to double space it or something, have a line between each line of text. So I guess this would then be the start of page forty. Not bad for seven days of rambling nonsense. Also by starting now, I will make it to the target today earlier, which is part of my fiendish plan to get further and further ahead of the required word count, to allow for off days when I can’t write or can’t be arsed to write. I think I have written that before, repetition you see, that gobbles up words.
I can’t really remember what this novel was supposed to be about , I Think I was going to write about internet stalking. I have never been a victim of this, unless you count a few rants at me when I beat someone at scrabble, or the odd weird personal message on a message board.
I have heard of stuff, when you spend a lot of time on the internet you do hear stuff. One woman became obsessed with a blog, and basically started emailing the blog writer with all sorts of shit, making all sorts of threats, until eventually the police had to intervene, and she ended up serving time. It’s insane, how could words on a page provoke her into such a campaign. I have heard of people driven so mad by the inane arguments on a message board, that they have tried to seek out the person responsible, and tried ot beat them up. Insane.
I am almost a day ahead of schedule, but now is not a time to relax, having written off the deficit, I want to remain in profit land for the rest of the month and finish early. Then I can piss around on the nanowrimo site like a demented cock. One hundred and seventy words short, then I will be a day ahead, everything else written after that will be grave on my mashed potatoes. In sixteen minutes I have already beaten by lowest daily word count of the current campaign. Impressive you might say, but I wasn’t near a computer for most of that day, still in years to come, when people study my excel spread sheets, they won’t have a clue where I was on the lowest word count day. About ninety words to gravy time, to pudding time, to putting some extra cheese on my crackers time, to that lovely first cup of tea in the morning time, or the first cigarette of the day. The first pint in the evening, that cigarette after an enormous meal. Today will be another two thousand word day, I can feel it in my fingers, I can feel it in my toes. Looking back to last years spread sheet, I am happy to report that I am ahead of the pace I set there. It is stats heaven here, I have a spread sheet detailing how many words I wrote every day in November two thousand and five, two thousand and six, and two thousand and seven. And at twenty three minutes past twelve, it is gravy time. I have twenty three hours odd to whack more words down and keep ahead. Well discount about 17 for work, sleep and other stuff. That doesn’t actually leave a lot of time does it. If I do make two thousand words today, which is my aim. That’ll be three days on the trot writing two thousand words a day, mightily impressive since they are all work days. My mega five thousand word day came on a Saturday. I can‘t have done much else that day.
Over for another evening, I have been distracted by the internet and I’m off on a mission.
Schoolboy error time, I had over five hundred lovely nanowrimo words, typed up at work, every one of them erudite, entertaining and moving, in a real way. I saved the file (I think I did0 and then forgot to email it to myself so that I could add it to this word mountain. Hopefully it is still at work , so I will email it back tomorrow, and add it then. I think I spoke about Charlie brooker ,and how he should be made Director General of the BBC ( a new tactic this, repeating something before I’ve said it) how people with garden flays should look after their gardens or swap with people who will, and other stuff.
Anyway, I’ll insert it here tomorrow at some point, or maybe Saturday.So, Here it is:
a hectic day at work sees me finally sneaking five minutes to add something here, at two fifty in the afternoon. I have been out of the office for a lot of the morning, but at the back of my mind has been nanowrimo and my struggle to get to the fifty thousand mark. I also had other ideas, work related. Boring as hell as well, I wanted to match tenants who wanted gardens with tenants who couldn’t be arsed with their gardens and get them to swap flats. It is sad when you see massive gardens just filled with rubbish, when there are many people who would love to have a garden. It would never work, but briefly I thought it would. Great ideas that never work, there must be others, can’t think of any at the moment. If I could write about great ideas for the next thirty thousand words, I’d be tempted. I think you, the reader, might get a bit bored. I mean, this isn’t much of story, me rambling along for a few thousand words each day about me rambling along trying to write a few thousand words.
I have been reading some Charlie Brooker, lately, he is an acidic journalist who writes mainly about television. He appears to hate most people in it, and hate most people who watch it, who send inane text messages to stupid presenters of stupid interactive programmes. I agree with him mostly, and love him for putting his thoughts down, even though they get him into trouble sometimes. There is a facebook group campaigning for him to be made director general of the BBC, it is another great idea that will never happen. I joined it of course, I even sent him a friend request, which he hasn’t responded to. Even though when he wrote about joining facebook he said he never turned a request down. I have no idea what I have done wrong, how to I get a slice of Charlie love. Maybe I need to campaign more, walk around outside the studio he broadcasts on, with a banner “I need some Charlie love” do you think he might relent then?
I think I am now working ahead of today’s rate, and eating into tomorrow’s rate. I have to be relentless, I have to churn out nonsense in all the spare time I can engineer. I know my social life will interrupt me, I have my best mate coming down in a fortnight, from Glasgow, so we will have a night on the ale, and I plan to enjoy it, without thinking about the word count. I could even report back on it afterwards, it could inspire a few thousand words. Two forty-something blokes, in a quiet pub, drinking ale, I bet you all can’t wait for the report. I’ll see if I can throw in some dancing girls, grade a drugs, a few fist fights and a night in the cells . Middle aged, middle class mayhem. Five hundred words to the good in this session, it all adds up.
I should, of course have sent this via email so that I could add it to the word mountain, this I will do now. You can’t just ignore five hundred or more words in a month like this.
Anyway, it will go right here, so will add to the word mountain ny tomorrow night. A night I will be going out in, so good job I am about a day ahead really. That five hundred odd, plus whatever I manage tonight, and remember I was super confident that it would be a two thousand word day, and what I manage at work tomorrow. The tension is building, will I still be ahead by the weekend, will I have to pull off a five thousand word day.
Still even if I don’t manage another word today, I have already written enough to be ahead on Friday, and that thought will satisfy me when I ‘m drinking in a hackney bar tomorrow night. The pressure is still on though, I may have done a thousand words today, I may have squirreled away another five hundred at work to be added later, bit I must not relax, I must keep beavering away. What the fuck is with all these animal references all of the sudden. I doubt squirrels actually squirrel things away, and beavers don’t beaver. I know what it is, Autumn watch is on telly, the glorious Kate Humble and the grumpy, but occasionally funny Bill Oddie, are sharing animals with the nation. If I somehow manage another thousand words tonight, I will be in a great position tonight, and will be able to afford Friday night shenanigans.
I will hit fourteen thousand words tonight, well I already have but thanks to a school boy error, I have to hit it again, still fifteen thousand will be a breeze thanks to the five hundred or so stored away, and then I’ll be on my way to sixteen thousand, practically a third of the way to the finish.
I was just thinking, while watching Autumn watch on the telly, can I really be arsed with this for another twenty odd days, why did I do it again, It’s not as if it’s a surprise I have done this two years running. I even posted about it on my blog, must remember to do that this year. I don’t have an answer, I did it once, enjoyed it, thought I would leave it at that, then November came around again, and I found myself thinking about doing it again in October, then November first at midnight comes, and I’m there again, furiously hammering away. This year I was pretty determined not to be dragged into it again, up until November the first, when I succumbed yet again. It is a pointless exercise, but once you start, you can’t stop, you have to carry on until you finish. Something drives you on, writing, writing writing, apart from the stuff at work this year, I haven’t been filling notebooks, or writing on my mobile phone, if I fall behind, I might have to succumb to that. I think with the stuff at work to be added later, which will count as part of today’s total, I have just about hit two thousand words again, three days in a row. And that gets me nearer the fifteen thousand milestone, almost a third of the way.
Flagging again now, it’s twenty six minutes past nine in the evening, and I’m exiting for a while.
Now in page twenty two - I’m still off for a while though.
But, there is always something to write about, I just popped outside for a cigarette, it’s a blustery evening, thousands of leaves on the ground. I heard a group walking up the street kicking the leaves, then they past my front garden, and they all had head scarves on, and none of them were over thirty. They weren‘t wearing them like nora batty would, the man had them over the head backwards stylie, the woman had them on as head bands. I saw a car reversing in the street to go back up the street. I thought he hit the tree, but he just burst a box lying in the street. I thought he was a bit of a wanker anyway, what was the point in doing a three point turn in thr street, when he could just drive down the road, and then up the opposite road. I looked again for the box, and it had blown away. That little observational piece has got me through sixteen hundred for the day, almost at the magic daily number, which with the missing, to be added tomorrow five hundred odd, puts me over the two thousand mark for the day. Another sterling effort. Even without those five hundred, I am a thousand ahead of schedule. I can relax on Friday night, for surely, as I’m home alone on Saturday, waiting for bookcases to be delivered, I will at least have a three thousand day. That is the demand to myself that I have made. I am only about five hundred behind where I need to be on Friday at midnight. Things are going swimmingly, I’ll enjoy it while I can, as there may be trouble ahead, word count trouble. With the missing five hundred, I am just about at fifteen thousand, time for a celebratory beer, and game of scrabble. What was it that woman said, keep writing ten words at a time, and the words will stock up. I would add, ten words at a time, and repetition are also useful. I am pleased with today’s effort. I will make two thousand today without the five hundred odd I had squirreled away.
Scrabble didn’t end with a victory, back to board with renewed vigour. And a resounding win to cheer me up. I am tired now, early for me , it’s only ten thirty five, I’m quite tempted to have a rally early night. Well another sparkling victory on the board hasn’t livened me up. This is it for the night, and I mean it this time. End of this chapter, it is ten fifty three, clearly another two thousand day, a job well done again. Tomorrow is not looking good for word count purposes, but is looking good as it is a Friday, and I’m having beers after work.
Will he go to bed?
Chapter Nine: November the Nineth.
This is where I add the three hundred words or so I wrote at work yesterday. A drunken night meant no further words were added. So here it is:
Been a busy day, so not much chance to add to this. I had lunch in a café, large lunch as I am on the ale tonight, and an old lady came up and sat opposite me, didn’t say anything, just sat down. We ate lunch together in silence, with the menu a wall between us. I drank tea, she had a seven up. It was special for both of us.
I have just eaten some cake, it was shaped like a pair of breasts, with a black icing bra. It’s not something I do every day, in fact it’s not something I have ever done. I can confirm however, that it is the best breast shaped cake I have ever eaten.
It’s four eighteen on Friday now, it will be a way below average word count today as I am going out straight from work, but I have managed to keep up the writing every day thing. Plus I was ahead by nearly a day, so should maintain my lead into Saturday when I should be able to clock up three thousand with any luck, and a fair following wind.
I did have a comment about the work in progress on the nanowrimo. site, from a fellow nanowrimo author, who isn’t doing it this year, trixie is enjoying the stuff I have written so far, there is a little excerpt on the site. You see, critical reviews before the thing is even finished, how good is that. Problem is , maybe I started really well, and the first couple of pages is a masterpiece, the rest of it could be an enormous pile of pants. If it was write a fantastic two thousand word story in a month, I would indeed be made of win. At the end of it, even though if I will finish it will be a big win, the content could well be made of fail.
Still on a pretty non-writing day, I have managed nearly three hundred and fifty, and every word takes me closer to the promised land of fifty thousand words.
Chapter Ten. November the Tenth.
The first words of the day are always the most difficult, getting started, getting into the rythym of writing again. Thanks to a drunken night last night, Friday was behind schedule, but I had some in the bank for such an event, today’s aim is to put some more in the bank, maybe hit nineteen thousand. I’m having my first nano cigarette, as the house is mine for most of the day, and evidence of my misdemeanour will not be around when I am joined by Gill later. I’m only a thousand behind, after 4 great days of above average word count, Friday has set me back, but Fridays can be drunken ones occasionally, as can Monday. Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday. Saturday and Sunday. I don’t however want to give the impression that I am a lush, far from it, my big drinking days are a long time ago. Drunkenness was a regular visitor in my twenties, had I carried on like that, I probably would be an alcoholic, but I met Gill when I was nearly twenty seven, and that stopped me on that particular road.
Now it’s time for a trawl through the internet, to check various message boards and email. It is very early on a Saturday morning, I have my tea in front of me, about to have another sneaky cigarette. It is only seven minutes past eight, my first early start of the month. I had to be up as book cases may be arriving shortly.
Result, they have arrived early, rang me from outside, I went outside barefooted, my cold little feet. But they are here, and the rest of the day is mine, all mine.
Nice little trawl later. I checked some sites, did some surveys - paid for surveys, I do them for about 5 different sites, get a bit of money, maybe £200 over the past couple of years. I’m not sure if this is a novel ort a blog, there is some real stuff in it, some fiction, some real stuff dressed up as fiction. I’ll continue writing away, afterall, this is never going to be published, very few people wil read it, so what does it matter. Next year will be a more traditional novel. I did tell a friend, that this was inspired by Tristian Shandy, a novel I have never read, but I did see the film starring Steve Coogan. She said that I should throw in some blank pages, which I could, but pretty pointless until December, because November is all about the word count. And I am through sixteen thousand words now, almost a third of the way through, time for a cup of tea, and some toast and marmite, with dr vogel bread, perfect for your toasting needs. Before that I just had to take an IQ test, apparently it’s 123, higher than average, might have been higher but I couldn’t be arsed with some of the annoying which shape comes next questions, I guess someone with a higher IQ would have bothered with them. With this latest ramble, I am now only five hundred in deficit, I predict much word profit today as I march confidently past seventeen thousand, eighteen thousand, nineteen thousand and maybe into the foothills of the next major milestone, twenty thousand. Sounds a lot.
Ooh!! Exciting news, it‘s the first time I have made toast in months, and we have got a new cooker , this is then first time I have used the grill. Plus it reminded me that we don’t own a toaster, how can that be? We don’t own a microwave either, the last time I actually used a microwave was in the eighties.
What a great grill, toasted to perfection, 4 pieces of toast, 2 with butter only, two with butter and marmite. I couldn’t find the Bovril, which is my preferred toast topper. I watched a docu show about Butlin redcoats whilst eating my breakfast. I am struggling with the word count today, at the moment, can’t think of much to write. I’ll have another sneaky cigarette, and remember the words of that motivational email, just keep writing ten more words, just keep writing ten more words. Everyday it is a struggle to get the pace up, I want to be in the zone, where I write without thinking, and the words pour out, and when you pause, you have accumulated another five or six hundred without breaking sweat. Somehow I have managed about seven hundred today, which is remarkable as I don’t feel I have anything to say. Mind you this whole book is about me not having anything to say, and writing about it. So I guess I do have something to say, or a lot to say about nothing in particular. Another two hundred and fifty words will see me in profit, and then I’ll be able top stretch my legs and bound towards the next milestone, which is seventeen thousand words, a minor milestone, bit it is good to tick them off. Somehow without really thinking, I have written nearly nine hundred words today, I was worried that with the pressure on, and a whole free day ahead of me, I might crumble and not write anything. I have at least written something, and writing everyday is the key to it all, keep hammering away at the keyboard, writing and writing, and it starts to build, into the hundreds and then thousand as your thoughts swirl around in your head, begging to be put down, fighting to get out, forcing their way through to your fingers. Nearly a thousand of them have now made that trip, forcing their way out, finding a space on the page, to be admired or laughed at, or sneered at, or dismissed. So a thousand words before ten thirty in the morning, that is something to celebrate, to cheer, to sing from the mountains, to yell and scream about, to re-enact a formula one winning celebration, and pop a bottle of champagne over my adoring fans. Tantalisingly close to the required average word count, and then I can move ahead into positive territory. One thing I do manage to do sometimes is WRITE IN CAPITALS BECAUSE I AM NOT LOOKING AT THE SCREEN AND I FORGET TO TAKE IT OFF CAPITALS. I have been deleting these capitals, which means I have to WRITE THE SAME WORD TWICE. In geek land, WRITING IN CAPITALS is the same as shouting, if you send an email to your boss in capitals, you are in fact shouting at your boss.
So thanks to 4 very productive days, I have managed to recover from a very un word count day on Friday, and I am now writing in positive word count land. I am not far off seventeen thousand words, and I keep thinking about that write ten more words thing, and it works, somehow I have managed to write nearly thirteen hundred words today, without thinking too much, which is great because my hung over brain isn’t too alive and alert at the moment.
Just had a mosy around the nanowrimo boards, some people have already finished. I don’t understand where they get the time, but if you are writing for several hours a day, I guess five thousand words a day is fairly possible. Someone asked if this is based on real events, after reading the excerpt, my reply was
inspired by real events, and also about the mundane. I started off writing about an internet stalker, based on stuff i have read about , but then it became about an obsession, an internet obsession, the struggle that is nanowrimo.(i'm going to cut and paste that into the book, never waste words!!!)
good luck with yours too.
And suddenly I find myself on page twenty six, and seventeen thousand words is in touching distance. So far , so good today. Real life will interupt, I need to get out of the house at some point, collect a parcel (no idea what it is - ooh exciting) I wonder how many words it will take to reach page thirty, and I’m trying to think about how many pages I will fill by the end, I’m guessing around seventy eight, and I can check, as I have the other nanowrimo novels saved somewhere.
Well well, it was ninety two pages in the two thousand and five nanowrimno, so far away, ninety two pages, double line spacing that would produce a novel of around two hundred pages. But that is A4 size pages, I guess you could double it again and it is a standard novel type four hundred pages, and that is a conservative estimate. Would it make a six hundred page novel? An epic, a saga, a door stop of a thing. This has to be , I have decided, a three thousand word day, that is fifteen hundred more words, and I have a clear afternoon, after popping out to do real life stuff. I will be in a bad mood if I don’t hit three thousand. I mean if there are people who have managed to write fifty thousand words in ten days, three thousand in one doesn’t seem a lot. In fact it looks a bit miserable compared to those wordsmiths. Another eleven hundred words would see me a day ahead of schedule, if I managed another three thousand I would be two days ahead, with a word count friendly Sunday to come. I have just checked my spread sheet, and I have managed to write an average of one thousand seven hundred and twenty one words a day. Of course just writing that out as increased the average. I want to get it up to an average of two thousand words a day, this will give me the breathing space I need to allow for non-writing weekend away on the twenty third of November. Not sure how much I need to write today to get to the two thousand average, I can check though. Pretty easy to estimate, I will need to be at twenty thousand words for the average to go up to the two thousand a day, so that means roughly another two thousand five hundred words, which would make it a four thousand word day. Not something I have done so far this year, and something I have only managed twice in 3 years, both times in the first nanowrimo, when it was all very new and exciting. It still is exciting, just not as new for me.
That’s eighteen hundred words so far today, and it is ten fifty six on a Saturday morning. After a shaky start, this is turning out to be a very productive day. I knew once I got started, the words would eventually flow out, and I have been proved absolutely correct. My best day was the first Saturday of two thousand and five nanowrimo, my only five thousand word day. Something to aim for, even a glorious failure to beat it will be about four thousand. That has to be possible. Keep hammering out ten more words and I’ll get closer and closer to my personal best. Hitting five thousand words today would be outstanding, I can’t remember how I did it last time. I would have been definitely in the zone, writing without thinking, I need to find that zone today if I’m going to have any chance of a repeat of that day. I’m fast approaching two thousand for the day and it’s only two minutes past eleven in the morning. Right, I am struggling for inspiration at the moment, I’m going to give it a rest for a while and do other stuff, I should be able to leave it with two thousand completed for the day, and I’m on the start of page twenty seven as well, another page completed. I checked and it is another two thousand word day. Now the challenge is to double that at least, triple it and I will be an extremely happy puppy. On the spread sheet, the days in which I have written over the average are in bold, out of the ten days so far, there are six in bold, I’d hope by the end of the month to have 15 bold days. I’ll check previous years. Two thousand and five had fourteen bold days, two thousand and six had sixteen bold days. There you have it, aim to have at least fifteen days in which you write over the average, and you will nail nanowrimno. That tip has cost you nothing.
It is the milestones that drive you on, two thousand words today, through the sixteen thousand and seventeen thousand milestone and most of the way towards eighteen thousand. More than a third of the way through, with hopefully nineteen thousand achieved today, and if I really motor through the magic twenty thousand. Two hundred more words will see me hit the eighteen thousand mark, that will be when I stop for the moment, and do other stuff. I will have my last cigarette of the day, and get washed and dressed. Although you will be glad to know that I am not writing this in the nude. I have never written any of my nanowrimo novels in the nude. I don‘t know if writing in the nude would increase ort decrease my productivity, I guess if I am really short on the word count in the final week, I’ll give anything a go. The average per day has now crept up to nearly eighteen hundred, in fact that is another milestone I will try and reach before stopping, the eighteen thousand mark, and the eighteen hundred mark. They will happen simultaneously, which is a neat way to end. I was going to stop a bit earlier, but those milestones are tantalisingly close, and it’s worth just keeping at it, for a few words more and then give myself a well earned pat on the back for a good morning’s work. Even though it is driving me on, it’s tough thinking about what to say, which is why I need to stop, and will stop when I hit that mark. Phew!!! I have, at sixteen minutes past eleven in the morning.
I mean I could go on to hit the two thousand five hundred mark for the day, which isn’t that far away, but I won’t.
A package? For me? What could it be, as well as book cases there was a little package waiting next door. I had no idea what it was, knocked on my neighbour’s door and he gave me a large package. I thanked him, and took it inside, hoping I was the winner of some internet competition I had forgot entering. But no, it wasn’t that, it was BT Vision. Digital tv, welcome to a whole new world of digital entertainment. I have started reading all the stuff, rather than work out how to install it on the hoof. I’ve started reading all the stuff you usually ignore, how unman like of me. And with that exciting news, I sail past two thousand five hundred for the day, and three thousand is now very reachable, and after that maybe four thousand, maybe even five thousand. It’s one minute past one oclock, football focus is on the telly, I am on my own, what could possibly stop me? Three thousand will be achieved, you can be sure of that, oh yes, I will march confidently to that summit, smacking away any opponents or try to stop me, I am a word master, I vanquish those that try and stop me. I’ll borrow Jonathan Aitken’s mighty sword of truth, he doesn’t seem to need it, mind you it didn’t really work for him. Five hundred words short of the best writing day of nanowrimo two thousand and seven, I am motoring, I am a writing fiend today, come see me roar, like a tiger, like a lion, like a liger or tigion? Like a mighty grizzly bear, I am taking no prisoners today, see me sail through today without thought, mercilessly piling the words up, look I’m on page twenty eight already, thirty will come and go. What was it, ninety two pages to finish, I‘m more than a third through. six hundred more will see vanquish nineteen thousand, then twenty thousand lies at my mercy, and I will get there, oh yes, I am a speed freak, a coked up journalist, pounding out a winner of an article. Watch as the words fly from my finger tips, down on to the screen, filling the screen with lyrical magic. I have finished Sunday’s word count now, I am a day ahead of schedule, let‘s make it two days,three days even. I need to strike while the iron is hot, and keep at it, pound away.
Actually, I Think I’ll switch it all off and see if I can set up this new world of digital entertainment. Or I could plough on for a little bit and get through three thousand for the day, I‘ll deserve a little rest then I would have achieved a target I set myself earlier today, and probably all before two o’clock in the afternoon. I will be made of win, no smell of failure at all. It is these little milestones that drive me on, I’ve forgotten all of the ones I have achieved today, I haven’t got time to go back and read this, it’s all about productivity today, no time for fripperies such as reading it to see if it makes any sense. You do that in December, or not do it, as is usually the case. I have just read the last line of my two thousand and five effort, and to be honest, it’s rubbish. Three thousand words achieved, yes siree, a grand achievement, and four thousand will be achieved today as well, I’ll be messing around with a digital tv box for a while, but four thousand is officially on. In fact one thousand and four hundred words will see me through twenty thousand, that seems a good target to aim for. I can then post on the twenty thousand thread on nanowrimo, and get disheartened when I see those who have already finished. I will also better the most productive day of the month, I’ll past that total fairly shortly, another milestone, vanquished, smashed to smithereens. Onwards and upwards. Nineteen thousand coming up, but I’ll leave that for the next visit to the writing table. But I can’t leave while I am so close to the best writing day of the year so far ,seems rude to stop before I reach it. Also it enables me to keep chipping away at the fifty thousand word target, every word gets me closer, every word narrows the gap between failure and success. Done it, this is the best writing day of the month, it’s official fact fans, and it is not yet done.
After much connecting, checking, I think I have now got BT vision, so I may well mess around with my new toy and see what it does. Telly is so much more complicated now, before it was connect the aerial, plug it in and you were away. I remember channel 4 launching, giving us 4 channels, now it’s hundreds if you want them, a lot of them are shite mind, shopping channels, reality tv, phone in competitions and the like. With that I’m fast approaching nineteen thousand, which is just one of many new targets today. Four thousand for the day is not too far away now, I’m soaring ahead of schedule, which is great for the days that will come when I am flightless, like a writing dodo, and cannot soar. As for right now, I’ll declare for a while at nineteen thousand, seems a good place to stop. It’ll leave twenty thousand as the logical target for today, and maybe twenty three thousand by end of play on Sunday. There it is, nineteen thousand. Very good work today. And, thanks to a great effort today, my average word count for the month is now one thousand nine hundred words a day, plus a couple of more to allow for the words I am writing right now. And if I continue to write just a little more, I’ll find myself on page twenty nine, another mini milestone achieved. Not sure how many words there are on a page, I might count this one once I get to the next page, just out of curiosity. I reckon about seven hundred odd to the page.
Page twenty nine begins, and the news at the start of the page, is that the last page contained seven hundred and sixty seven words. The fascinating fact has taken me past three thousand five hundred for the day, marching on towards four thousand
Hoorah, they are, but now it has to update or something, so it’s just a welcome screen. I have to wait to play with it, I could get rid of all the packaging, which is all over the sitting room floor. I’ll get around to that later.
I’ve set it up. But can’t get any channels, and Gill is due home shortly and will want to relax with a glass of wine and the telly
This is not going to defeat me though, for I am a man, and I know technical gubbins.
Back to this now, and I find myself flagging just a little, the heroic effort today is beginning to drain me or enthusiasm. Just how many words can I write about nothing in particular. Suddenly the thought of finding another thirty thousand from somewhere is dragging me down. Hopefully, later on today, or tomorrow, I will have renewed energy. I want to somehow summon up three hundred more words today, get me to the four thousand marker by the end of the day. It is a good milestone to aim for. My earlier enthusiasm is waning, not surprising really, my back hurts a little too , I’m going for the sympathy vote here, I want you all willing me to get to the line, today’s line, and I need positive vibes from all of you for the next twenty days. It would be nice to also get them once nanowrimo is over, if you have any to spare and can send them my way. If I get too many positive vibes, I’ll redirect them to someone else in need.
Down to two hundred short of the four thousand, easily my best day of the month, and it’s only six minutes past four in the afternoon. My earlier enthusiasm for getting to five thousand words today appears a little displaced. I will make it to four thousand, so that is still a triumphant day. But five thousand words is beyond me. I think I will have a double whammy, four thousand words and a twenty thousand total, so that will equal a big win. Another four hundred and eighty words would get me a full two days ahead. The plan then is to stretch that lead over the next week to three or four days ahead. I’d like to finish with a week to spare, and then follow the nanobuddies who are also doing it, encouraging them, urging them on, to the finish line and beyond. I’d like to be half way through by end of play on Tuesday, that is what I am aiming for. Twenty five thousand words by Tuesday. It is doing able, I should get to twenty thousand by end of play today, then 3 days at about average pace will do it. Did it, four thousand words in one day, the nest of the month by far. Next target is reaching page thirty, and reaching twenty thousand. I hope to achieve the former in the next few minutes, the latter should achieved in my next visit to this torture chamber. Boy I’m flagging, I’m beginning to hate this thing, it is curling around my neck like a python, squeezing the life out of me, making it impossible to think about anything else, squeezing, I have to use all my strength to get rid of the python, I need to breathe, need to run about, to gambol like a new born lamb. Come on page thirty, where are you, I want to see you now
And I did, Page thirty.
And only two hundred odd off twenty thousand, but I can’t drag those two hundred from this tired mind at the moment. I will try and return to this later.
I return, after a frustrating time with BT Vision, I am getting annoyed with a little grey box, I want it to work, I Want to play with my new toy, but it is not playing ball. ,my objective tonight along with getting to twenty thousand words is to watch telly. I wonder if I will hit both targets. Only one hundred and forty words keep me from the twenty thousand mark. One positive note, I played 4 gamers of scrabble and won them all, well I played five and lost one of them, but always accentuate the positive. Further positive news, this is the second best day ever in my nanowrimo history, only one day , the fifth of November two thousand and five beats this, when I managed to write five thousand two hundred and forty four words, still a thousand words from today’s effort. Also on a Saturday. I don’t recall having any technology issues that day, maybe if the BT Vision box had not been delivered, I would have beaten that word count today. I am now two days ahead thanks to today’s marathon effort, now I want to double that lead, I want a four day lead. It‘s important to have such goals
Ladies and gentleman, we have passed twenty thousand words, we are on page thirty, we have less than thirty thousand words to go. This could be another nanowrimo success story. My daily average now exceeds two thousand words. I think I have been in the zone today. I can now post on the twenty thousand word thread on the nanowrimo message board
After the firework incident a few days ago, now there is someone playing with one of those motorised toys, it is REALLY LOUD AND IT IS PISSING ME OFF. I have the window open to get rid of the smell of smoke from my sneaky cigarettes, so the noise is invading me, like an annoying little wasp, buzzing in my ear. It is a man and his son, do I go out and have a pop? I am going to try and ignore it.
Of course, as I am writing a chapter a day, this is the longest chapter of the book, it could be five thousand words at the end
The shortest chapter is yesterday‘s three hundred and ninety one words.
Peace returns, they seem to have got bored and stopped, now it is just the sounds of the evening, a faint sound of cars from the main road, a door opening, a car driving down the road, ah the familiar sound of a police siren racing to a hackney crime scene. Another siren, further away, maybe an ambulance.
That thread was annoying the starter managed twenty thousand on day one, makes the tend days I have taken look like a snails pace.
As if by magic, page thirty one appears, I started today on page twenty four. Another mini milestone, and five thousand is fast approaching, along with twenty one thousand as well.
No telly, after several hours I came to the conclusion that the aerial is fucked, so no tv until we get an aerial man around. So radio, the computer are our only forms of entertainment until the aerial man rescues us. Still, it is very quiet for a Saturday night, just the sound of me sipping my tea, and the rustle of a biscuit packet in the other room, strangely comforting.
This lack of tv might just get me over the five thousand word line, which is only two hundred or so words away, then get about three hundred more (and it is eight thirty six in the evening) and I break my nanowrimo record. I will make the five thousand mark today, but it will be a struggle, it just gets boring, typing away, especially if there is no particular story line or plot to get excited about. I’m mining the mundane. One hundred and fifty more words and I’ll be there, keep chipping away at this rich seam, and send the words down the conveyor belt up to the surface where they will be released. One hundred words, it’s getting closer, I can almost taste it, the sweet taste of success. I have had such a good writing day that I’m eating into Tuesday’s word mountain already, I’ll soon be three days ahead if I keep up the pace. Or I might just connect the PS2 and play tiger woods for the rest of the night, or a good war game. Ican’t not make five thousand now, my meanderings and ramblings have got me there, I can’t remember what I have talked about today, but whatever it is, it’s nearly five thousand words worth. As I speed towards five thousand words, I Think I’ve earned the right to stop for the evening. I may come back if I get the energy and try and knock the two hundred or so I need for the nanowrimo personal best, but for the moment, I‘ll give it a rest. I should celebrate it a little, it is only the second time in three nanowrimos that I have got through five thousand words in a day. So congratulations to me, on a magical nanowrimo day. I think I might break the record later on tonight, it’s only about one hundred and fifty words away, and I have 3 hours to mess about in, give myself about twenty minutes for those words. I am ahead of the pace I set last year, but well behind the pace I set in the first year I did namowrimo, I was almost at thirty thousand at this point 2 years ago. I can’t imagine I’ll be able to write nione thousand words in the next three hours. Thanks to the efforts today I’m about 3 days ahead of the pace already, I could stop writing right now, and not worry about it until Tuesday, not that I will be doing that of course, it is my intention to keep hammering away, and finish this thing early doors
And thanks to the spurt in the last twenty minutes, I have sailed through the five thousand mark, and got my best ever word count in a day. I have beaten the two thousand two hundred and forty four mark. With every word written down I am setting a new record mark, if ever there was a time for some good old repetition, I said if ever there was a time for some good old repetition.
I’m about six hundred short of six thousand for the day, and about six hundred short of 3 days ahead on the required daily schedule, this is a writing bonanza of a day. I’m also close to getting to twenty one thousand, which I should hit any minute now if I keep typing away for a while, I can imagine hitting thirty thousand words now, and twenty five thousand is only a couple of days away, the half way line. Right ten more words, and it is twenty one thousand done, there done it. I’m not sure I can write any more tonight, so this might be it until tomorrow morning, when I have slept on it.
Fireworks continue to explode in the night, nearly a week after bonfire night, basically it sounds like a war zone for about a fortnight around here. Five thousand and five hundred words to the good today, a stellar day of writing. That’s over a tenth of book in one day. I’m only five hundred words short of a three day cushion, and fast approaching the half way mark, less than three thousand away now. I have had it for the day, I’m off to play some scrabble. Very pleased with the word count today, I doubt I’ll ever better it to be honest, it’s ten fifty two on Saturday night, and I can’t see adding to it in the next hour. Just under four hundred short of the six thousand, it has really given this book a timely boost. Another couple of wins in the scrabble could get me my highest ranking, wouldn’t that be a nice thing to happen. Well that didn’t come to pass, after a long winning streak, I get taken down. So nearly a great scrabble day, definitely a great nanowrimo day But could I hit the six thousand mark in the next hour, have I got it in me to hanmmer it out for twenty minutes and really give it some welly. I’m not sure to be honest, I think I’ll take a quick break away from the screen, maybe make a last desperate bid to get the aerial working, or play some more scrabble, or smoke a cigarette, or have a beer, or a large glass of Jim Beam. With that flurry, I’m only two hundred odd words away from an outstanding score, have I got it in me? I’m nearly five thousand ahead of the pace now, 3 clear days, and the chance to keep building and finish early, without last minute stay up all night nights. Actually is it just short of 3 days ahead, and all because of this massive writing day, I have powered through, mostly because I had a totally free day, and I only left the house once. Otherwise I wouldn’t have come close. Plus there won’t be another Saturday like this, as usually there is stuff to do with Gill. This was a one off, so it was a good job I took advantage of it. You know I think I can get to the six thousand, but I will stop there, it won’t be a case of heading on for seven thousand before midnight. But six thousand that is suddenly doable, and I am going to do it. Eighty words from the target, I could type the same word eighty times and I would be there, I have got fifty two minutes to do this, and with what I have just written it’s less than a word a minute. I feel very tired, only the constant banging of fireworks is keeping me awake, I’ll have a quick stop for refreshments then press on to the six thousand. Although a quick word count means that I should hit it in this very sentence, any time now, right about now, or now. Done it, over six thousand words in one day, for me that is phenomenal. Another forty two words and I will be eating into Wednesday’s words, I’ll be three days ahead, I’m also about to hit page thirty three of this nanowrimo month, and twenty two thousand is not far off, only three hundred or so away now. Now I am munching into Wednesday’s words, an astonishing day of word smithery, for me anyway, there are those engaged in this internet stunt who pukll that off in a few hours, for me to hammer away all these words today was a one off. If I was a full-time writer I might be able top do it everyday, if I earned a crust from it. As it is my arms are aching now, and my back is aching, from sitting in front of the computer most of the day. Maybe there is just enough time for a few more words before midnight, a little over eight minutes away. I Think that’ll do actually, a full on mega nanowrimo day comes to an end, with me a couple of hundred short of the twenty two thousand line, which I should hit tomorrow. Plus twenty five thousand is a reasonable target tomorrow, which of course will be half way to the end. Exits Chapter eleven: November the eleventh. So, how do I follow the record breaking day yesterday. I won’t be surpassing it, that’s for sure. I guess it’s a bit like following Alex Ferguson as manager of Manchester. I bet whoever does eventually succeed him will think , I now have a great job, with absolutely no chance of matching his achievements, I just hope I don’t fuck up too much. Just over night my average has plummeted to below two thousand a day, it won’t be long before I am back at that rate. I’ll soon hit twenty two thousand as well, I’ll be lucky if I hit twenty five thousand by the end of Sunday, I’d take twenty four thousand, it would make it eight thousand plus words over the weekend, you can’t say fairer than that, If I was offered eight thousand words on Saturday morning, I would have snapped my own hands off. And so onwards past twenty two thousand and towards twenty three thousand. Thirteen hundred words today will take me up to the start of Thursday, and I’d hope by then to have another six thousand in, which means I should hit thirty thousand on Thursday. That is the aim. Back to the tv, I have to working a little, the aerial is knackered, the wiring must be about twenty years old, a lot of this house is ancient, we have been here ten years now, nearly eleven and not changed much. There’s loads that needs to be done, re-wiring for one, new kitchen, repairs to the bathroom, the windows need painting and the exterior walls, could do with new steps down to the garden too. We prefer just making do, to spending a shed load of money, but that day when a shed load of money gets spent is fast approaching. Well I’ll leave it this morning, with the average above two thousand again, and twenty two thousand vanquished. Today I have been reduced to writing this on my mobile phone, brought to you by Nokia 73, superior finish technology, and emailing it to myself. The reason for this computer exile? Gill has been hogging the machine for the last four hours. I guess I did have it all day yesterday when I coasted past the six thousand word mark. That is not something I will manage today, I will be happy with two thousand. So at Six on a Sunday night, I am itching to put a few words down. Today I vanquished BT vision, and breathed life into my ailing outside tv aerial. At forty two years of age, I adore technology, I have spent a few hours today, setting up BT vision, and working out how to record programmes and films I probably won’t watch (currently recording “return of the jedi”) No having kids does give me the chance to mess around more. I haven’t had the chance to check in on the internet community, visit a few message boards, post some replies, read some posts, take the piss a bit. This sort of thing is a luxury that would be denied me if I had to tale the kids on one of the many activities they probably get up to at the weekend. My life is a lot different to contemporaries who did manage to have a family, I’m sure they have their compensations, like having someone to look after them when they are old and crinkly, I’d expect my nephews and nieces to be around then, if they want any fucking inheritance that is. I decided today that when I did get around to writing today, I would take a break from obsessing about the word count, how many words I have written today, what page I’m on (thirty four) and just write about stuff. Checked some stuff, quiet day, well it is a Sunday, people are having real lives, even me, I’ve been to Sainsbury’s today, and to pc world, picked up a new wireless adaptor, as the one in this PC is well rubbish really, bought some extension plug things, cos we have more things to plug in, than we have sockets. Reminded myself that there is so much to do in this flat. I’ll make a list now, which I can ignore for years, but it might prompt me into getting organised after Christmas. Well no one organises anything once November starts, it’s always, I’ll leave it until after Christmas. One. Re wire the house - expensive - need to save up or get a loan Clearly I put things off, I might have done some things in November, but decided to mess around and write a fifty thousand word novel instead. Still that leaves December to do other stuff, but December is worse than November, no one ever gets anything done because they are preparing for Christmas. Another advantage of being child free, Christmas is a bit of a breeze, as long as it is just you and your partner, we could just have beans on toast for Christmas dinner, who would know? We don‘t, we usually have a proper full on Christmas meal, rarely turkey though, in fact, never turkey, could be venison, quail, chicken, but never turkey. We relax on Christmas morn, maybe drive down the to Thames and have a bit of a stroll, amongst the tourists who have only just worked out that not much is open. Well not much in the touristy bit, come down Dalston, every thing is open there. Will they listen? Somehow without much effort I have managed over a thousand words today, and heading serenely towards twenty three thousand. I know I said I probably wouldn’t talk about the word count, but I’m writing this thing and I can change the rules as I go along, so ner. I think I’ll easily manage eight thousand plus words this weekend. I just had a look on abctales, and a fellow nanowrimo writer, known as enzo on those boards, who I think is called Ben in real life. Mentioned that he had read an excerpt of this on the nanowrimo site, and he had enjoyed it, he was flagging, now maybe he’s inspired to finish the thing. He wanted to read more, so I have posted, unedited, the first week, on ABCtales. Any responses to it, I will put on here. I’d put the negative responses but generally people on ABCTALES are too lovely to write negative things. This is an interactive book, at least it is until I finish it, then it becomes a, well a book. I’m not actually sure if anyone has done this before, it seems perfect for nanowrimo, maybe it will be my first novel, Be great if before the book is finished I could say I have had an email from a publisher who is interested. They might want to see how the book turns out, I could make the book turn into a tribute to them, that would get it published. I‘m getting stuck again now, I looked on the nanowrimo forum and there were loads of tips on getting going, introducing new characters, or a murder so there can be an investigation, or a flashback scene, to fill in your character. As I have no plot, they are all a bit difficult, the only character is me, maybe I should investigate myself, create more wordage that way. I should be in a mood to write a lot more tomorrow anyway, I think they mega word play yesterday has emptied the tank a little. I’ll be happy with two thousand words today, and that is only about six hundred off, that keeps me ahead of schedule, and would take me to nearly twenty four thousand words, I know I was hoping to the half way mark today, but I can’t see it happening, I’m going to mess around on my new BT vision in a bit, maybe play some more scrabble, pull myself out of a temporary slump in form. And nanowrimo is getting in the way of my time wasting opportunities. Ironic really since nanowrimo is basically a thirty day time wasting opportunity. When you are on it, you find other ways to waste time. And eight thousand words over the weekend, that is a good result, or will be when I hit the eight thousand which is only a few hundred words away as well. And thanks to today’s just about average effort, I’m back to a three day lead over the required schedule. I can sit back now and not write until Thursday, if I wanted to. That will not happen, during November I feel guilty if I don’t write. That is the beauty of the thing, even though you might indeed my writing a load of old nonsense, you are writing, every day, it gives you the discipline. I’m listening to something on myspace at the moment , I joined a myspace group; TWiN LONDON (spoken word poetry collective) and they sent me a message, in it was a performace of a song/poem - fingers - by John Hendicott and polar bear, starts of slow and seductive, brings in some base, drums, other stuff, maybe some horn, it builds up, then the poetry starts, nice and ranting, the sort of poetry I’d like to be able to perform, confident, aggressive, full on, sexy. Thanks for sending it, I should message them back and tell them how much I like it. I did and I tried to download the song, but he wasn’t having it on myspace, so now I have to se if I can get it on itunes. It’s not there either, now I have to go off on some internet oddysey to see if I can find it anywhere. I check out myspace, just out of curiosity and now I have to go off and do stuff, waste time, when my wasting time should be doing this. Still this has brought up the eight thousand over the weekend, an ordinary day of writing today, an extraordinary day yesterday. So I can relax a bit tonight. Couldn’t find it, so I messaged this john hendicott fellah and asked him if I could buy it anywhere. And because it is myspace, asked to be his friend, plus put his track on my myspace page. Yes I have one of those, and face book, went on bebo, but thought it a bit rubbish to be honest. I am forty two years of age, and I am an internet geek. You get a lot of casualties on nanowrimo, people who give up, it is a bit of a commitment to get the thing done. To be honest it does kind of ruin November for me in a way. I am constantly thinking about it, and about the word count (twenty three thousand none hundred and fifty) Some people see if as a genuine novel writing exercise, and take great care, and even edit for fucks sake. Editing is for December, spell check is for December. I am seeing all these red squiggly lines as I pound these words out reminding me to carry out a spell check, remind me all you want, it ain’t happening until December, if it happens at all. I posted the first week up on a site, Abctales, and told them it was unedited. It’s part of the thrill, writing for ther thrill of it, not planning. I’ve seen on the nanowrimo forums people saying they scrapped it after ten thousand words and started it again. Madness, just continue writing, write a different story, write hundreds of different stories if you have to, just get to the finish line for fucks sake. And planning? People talk about planning the book, making notes. Waste of time, just plough right in, include all the cock ups, the stuff that doesn’t make sense, just get the word count in. That rant got me through a couple of milestones, two thousand for the day and twenty four thousand for the month, I might even manage ten thousand for the weekend, which would be a right result. And what will I do with this afterwards, go back and edit it. Yeah right, I meant to do that in the two other years that I did this insane internet stunt, and did I, did I fuck. Maybe this will be a first, I’ve never written something and got feedback before it was finished. Still, this year sees me ahead of schedule, maybe I’ll get the chance to edit this one in the last week, if I finish ahead of schedule. It will help me get through the feeling of absurd deflation I tend to feel after reaching fifty thousand words. And at nearly six thousand words ahead of schedule and not far short of page thirty seven in this A4 universe, I might just get the chance of a bit of November editing. I do feel good about this one, having some positive feedback whilst writing it is a real boost (thanks for the kind words Enzo - you’ll get your real name in the edit!) I can finish this, for the third year running, which I will be very pleased about, even though I have not done anything with the other two. Well, the first one might be able to turn into something decent, the second one, I’m not too sure about it to be honest. This year something keeps driving me on, like a carrot on a stick, to the next mini milestone, which is this case if the next page, after that it would the twenty five thousand mark, after that three thousand for the day, at ten thirty seven on Sunday evening, all those milestones are achieveable, if I don’t get distracted by the internets again, or decide to watch some telly, or even read a book. If none of those things deflect me, I’ll reach all of those milestones tonight. At the moment, I just want to see a fresh blank page, the thirty seventh one of the month, and it is very close. Of course if this ever got published, writing about page thirty seven wouldn’t appear on page thirty six, but I’m sure my readers are intelligent enough to work it out. I admire them all greatly, in a very real way. They are why I am going this, why I strive to get the words down, so that I can give pleasure to millions with my words. Will this page break ever fucking come, it’s driving me mad. (ahhh it is here, page thirty seven) Well nine thousand for the weekend is definitely on now, if I can be arsed. I was going to end this weekend with a rant, maybe about teenagers being an alien race, I am forty two after all, they are an alien race to me. But that rant will have to wait for another day, today’s writing is just about over. But what a weekend, nine thousand plus words, a new nanowrimo personal best for me at well over six thousand. If it wasn’t for the pesky job I would have finished the thing by now, the pesky job, the pesky need to earn money, the pesky need to sleep, to eat, to pay the mortgage, to play scrabble on-line, to post shit on message boards. There’s a conspiracy to stop me finishing this thing. Chapter twelve. November the twelfth Blimey, just had a major scare, the computer seemed to crash, and I thought I had lost all this weekend’s work, and maybe lost about thirteen thousand words, maybe it all, as a system restore might have taken me back a few weeks. So I’m just going to email this just to be safe so that I have a back up. I’d have given up if this had been lost, half of the thing complete. I’m knackered, I want to go to bed, it’s just past one thirty on Monday morning, can’t get on-line, I’m not a happy bunny. Well I managed to do all the above, find it, save it, and email it to myself to protect the first half of it. I think if I had lost it, I wouldn’t have had the inclination to start again and try and catch up. It’s good being ahead of the pace, it’s miserable playing catch up. I was going to have a rant, but Charlie brooker does it so much better, I’ve been reading his book, “dawn of the dumb” basically two hundred odd pages of bile. He could write fifty thousand words with of bile in a few weeks, He could probably do a hundred thousand. He hates everybody, he seems, even himself, in fact sometimes he hates himself more than he hates everyone else .Although sometimes he does like things and people, and that is a pleasant surprise. He likes “the wire” which is a superior American drama, he likes Dr Who, he loves Billy Piper, he’s fond of Alan sugar, and Dragons Den, but pretty much despises anything else. Twenty five thousand words, man that feels good, in less than twelve days as well, on course to finish on the twenty forth of November at this rate. Small problem of going away for the weekend on the twenty third, so might have to up the pace, to finish by the twenty second if possible. Then I can spend that weekend, concentrating on the weekend, rather than worrying about the word count. Maybe I’ll get to forty nine thousand seven hundred and fifty by then, two hundred and fifty words is nothing in the scheme of things, I could knock them off in twenty minutes I reckon. Still, homeward bound and all that, I think I’m on course to finish my third nanowrimo on the trot, which is good, particularly after last night’s school boy error of not saving it separately, in case my computer crashed, which almost happened. So I have taken the precaution of sending it to two different email addresses, my gmail account and my hotmail account. Better safe than sorry. I have a new friend on face book, Julia, saw my name on the nanowrimo face book group and asked to be my friend. I think she is struggling to get the words down, good luck to you Julia, I may well report your progress later, she had just over three thousand words when I last looked. I seem to be doing the best out of the people I know are doing it, maybe I’m just the most obsessed with the thing. And page thirty eight comes into view, always be positive and celebrate the little milestones, it adds to the word count after all, which is my driving force at the moment. Today I hope to get over two thousand words to keep up the daily rate, and to keep ahead of schedule. Another fifteen hundred or so words to go, and I’m not feeling as enthusiastic as I was over the weekend. Even a sub standard day today will keep me three days ahead, but we want more than that, don’t we guys? I’ve just been on the nano boards, and saw a response to a post I made yesterday, someone had posted asking for people over the age of twenty five to respond to a survey, it didn’t look like they were actually taking part in nanowrimo, just looked a classic student desperate to get punters and doing what is known in the trade, as “spamming” boards to get a response. So I responded by saying something like, I‘ll do your survey if you finish, but that it looked like you were just registering to get the survey done. Someone responded, basically saying, nanowrimo was a supportive place, and I shouldn’t be worrying about someone else’s word count. An argument!! And despite knowing that arguing on internet message boards is pointless, I had to reply. Although i was in partial agreement - it is a lovely board, and mostly it is full of support. My reply: “I agree to a certain extend mountainbluebird, but this person doesn't appear to be taking part in nanowrimo, and seems to have registered on the boards for the sole reason of getting a survey done, now that to me, doesn't appear to be in the spirit of nanowrimo - if I am wrong, I'm happy to apologise to the person” If I bother to look at that thread again, I will update you on the replies, and if the student does rear their head again, I’ll even print my apology on here if I am proved wrong. There’s magnanimous for you. And with that message board nonsense, which remember was going to be the theme of this “novel” I find myself soaring past twenty five thousand five hundred words, and not far off the end of this page. Little steps, keep writing, whatever nonsense you want, just keep the word count growing and growing. I should make it to a thousand words today shortly, which is not great in the context of the month so far, but it’s only eight twenty in the evening, and I can probably get a real spurt on after ten in the evening. Plus I always feel better when the word count climbs into the thousand for the day, even better when it goes through two thousand of course, and better and better as the word count grows higher and higher. That’s a thousand, if I managed another sixteen hundred tonight, I will be four days ahead, it will be a struggle, I’ll be happy with two thousand to be honest. I’ll get through the twenty six thousand barrier tonight, and that is my main aim of the night, only two hundred odd to go. I’m not, as I said earlier, feeling all fired up tonight. For now, I’ll just try and make it to page thirty nine, taking little steps, to increase the word count, writing nonsense until the brand new virgin page appears and I can start to think of ways in which I can fill that new page, the last page in the thirties, the one before the big four zero. I have been through the big four zero before of course, and at the time I was a bit anxious, now I don’t give it a thought. I’m forty two, in six months I’ll be forty three, I’m happy enough with my life, I have good friends, and with that bit of age related nonsense, hello page thirty nine. Excuse me while I go and admire the bats on autumn watch, and admire Kate Humble. Well, very interesting, watching bats hibernating was surprisingly exciting, particularly when the male bats while being filmed by a thermal camera, suddenly woke up, turning from blow to red, flew off to find female bats, mated with them, leaving a warm glow to the females, then flew back and re-hibernated. Their version of that wake up in the middle of the night shag, always a winner. And with that interesting fact from the animal world, we soar through twenty six thousand, and suddenly thirty thousand words seems a lot closer. Still feels a little daunting, I’m impressed that I have got this far with no plot, or characters, no real story, can I keep up this con trick for another twenty four thousand words, I’ll give it a go. I’ll make the daily rate today, which is good enough for me, just to maintain the lead I have over the required daily word count rate, a few hundred on top will be good too. Keep at that rate all week will bring in another ten thousand, taking me to about thirty four/five thousand at the weekend ,when I hope to add another six thousand or so. Popped away to play some scrabble, two wins take me closer again to my highest ranking, it’s another obsession of mine, this every November, and scrabble all year around. I thin reaching forty will do me tonight, I’m not after any writing records tonight, no massive word count, just slow and steady, this week, with maybe a bif four thousand day on Saturday, that will keep me edging closer and closer to the goal, the magical fifty thousand. Keep writing those ten more words, keep at it, and the word count creeps ever upward. At the same time the word count sometimes gets to you, do I really want to sit here every day for thirty days, just typing away. What’s the point of nanowrimo, I guess the point is to write, without thinking, just wing it, keep writing, a plot is a bonus. I’m having real problems getting going this evening though, luckily just plodding away has got me close to sixteen hundred words which is just about the average daily rate, so even when I’m struggling I can produce a reasonable pile of words, which is a relief. I’m more of a poet though, they get finished a lot quicker, and can contain a story in less than a hundred words, if there was a write thirty poems in a month, I’d find that a lot easier. Maybe I should just chuck some of my poetry in here. However, that would be stuff I have already written, surely it has to be new poetry, and I haven’t written any for a while, just haven’t been inspired. Now the pressure is on, I might just get inspired to verse. But not right now. Somehow I have managed to stumble through seventeen hundred words today, so again I’m writing in the profit zone, again it’s marked in bold on my excel spreadsheet to show me today has been a writing success, and it’s getting me slightly further ahead of schedule, and closer to the start of page forty, another mini milestone, as long as these mini-milestones are close enough, another page, another five hundred words, they are worth aiming for, and they soon start to add up. After the end of page, it will be two thousand words soon afterwards, then it really is gravy time today. Although I think I might stop and watch some rubbish tv if I get to the two thousand mark, it’s a respectable total for a work day, and gets me slightly ahead of schedule, slightly closer to the end. Closer to twenty seven thousand as well, which is ever closer to thirty thousand. Since the end of this page has neared, I have suddenly put a minor spurt on as I don’t think I can stop until the fresh new page appears, which hopefully will be the next line, or the one after that. Hopefully it is soon as I want to get out of this room for a while, and watch some rubbish TV, and here it is page forty. Just checked the spread sheet and I’m just about four days ahead now, so now I have to stretch it a bit further and get a week ahead. Never be satisfied. Two thousand would be a good place to stop tonight, a pleasing total, a total to be mildly proud of. Not a total to jump about and shout about. A total to have a quiet celebration about, a cup of tea and a Jaffa cake maybe. And I’ve done it, if only I had some Jaffa cakes. And sixteen more words takes care of Friday’s total, so I’m now four days ahead. Keep plugging away, keep writing away, and inch by inch you cover the ground. That’s good not far off seven thousand words ahead of schedule, and now that is going to gnaw at me, should I try and get seen thousand ahead in the next hour, it’s eleven at night, and I don’t think I have that in me to be honest. Still a minor day will get me past twenty eight thousand words tomorrow, a good day, like today has become will get me close to twenty nine thousand. That’s it for tonight, let’s see what tomorrow brings. Chapter Thirteen: Tuesday November the thirteenth. The month nears the midway point and I find myself well over the midway point in terms of word count. I wasn’t able to add to the count today as annoyingly I wasn’t in the office much today so could produce a cheeky five hundred words to add to the word count file. I was thinking about this on the journey home, I hadn’t thought about nanowrimo all day, apart from posting on urban75 when a few people said they had read the excerpt on the nanowrimo site and enjoyed it. I’ll have to check on urban again later on to give them a name check. Always thank people for saying nice things, something my mum might have said, I don’t think she actually said that, she should have done. Better to have said that than stalk me when I am having a cheeky smoke, eh mum? And that brings me to the first milestone of the night, twenty seven thousand words, eating into the word count now, although I can never relax, I have to keep hammering away at this task. They joy of writing, and to be fair, although this is an internet challenge, and grinding sometimes, having to write night after night to please the word count god, writing can be joyous. If you are on a roll, and the characters are spinning out of you, their dialogue is rich and witty, there is mystery aplenty, and intrigue, and you manage to write convincing sex scenes. Yes, when all that happens, and you forget where you are, you only exist on the page , in the minds of your characters. That is a good place to be, even if you are writing about serial killers. Would I like to write every day for a living, damn right I would. I might miss the banter in the office, and I do love a bit of banter, but I wouldn’t miss the hum drum stuff, the tedious administrative tasks, the journey every day, although to be fair, I can walk to work, so I can’t compare myself to commuter monkeys who travel for several hours every day, and then have to endure the tedium. I decided years ago, to find work closer to home, and I have managed to do that. Mind you, working full-time as a writer would be about as close to home as I could get, maybe I would build a revolving shed to write in if I ever made it, I think George Bernard Shaw had one. How many will I add today, I’m not far short of five hundred now and I only started thirteen minutes ago, it is seven forty four, so I’m doing well tonight, they are flowing, so maybe another two thousand is on the cards. And I have vanquished page forty, and I am in the startingly bright world of page forty one. So that and five hundred words means two mini milestones already. If I can get past twenty eight thousand tonight I’ll be happy with that, that will be another six hundred odd words. That won’t be a two thousand words day, and that would be what I prefer, it’s whether I can be arsed to get there, that is the issue. My output has increased in the second week of nanowrimo, after the first seven days, I’d managed about twelve thousand seven hundred, in the last sis days, my fingers have somehow pounded out over fifteen thousand words. Thanks mainly to little twenty minute sessions like tonight, where I have managed five or six hundred words There was I talking about the love of writing, and the joy when you got lost amongst the words. Trouble is, I can’t get lost amongst them tonight, too much other stuff going on, real life stuff, work stuff, to really write well ,I think I need to be relaxed, to forget all the other stuff, unless I specifically want to writ about it, which hi don’t. Well, not at the moment, if I have an hour to get the last thousand words down, I’ll give anything a go. So Tuesday is proving to be a problem , I have struggled to seen hundred words, and can’t see a way to a the magic two thousand. Whilst I can afford the odd off day, the haymaking I did , will; not last long if every day turns out like this, and some days, I won’t be able to write at all, if a pub beckons me with open arms and a warm embrace. I haven’t even got any mini milestones to urge me on, the bottom of this page seems miles away, twenty thousand words even longer. This nano warrior feels weak. Yet even in that weakness I console myself with the fact that I will have the odd day like this, when conditions aren’t that favourable to massive word counts, but other days will be. And if I keep struggling away, and write about the struggling, I keep the word count ticking away. Afterall, this is about one man’s struggle to get to fifty thousand words, and it needs to have some struggle in it. And here is it is! I can’t think of anything to write about, apart from writing about the fact that I can’t think of anything to write about. And with that struggle, that meander, that desperation, I suddenly see some milestones ahead, the end of this page and twenty eight thousand words, and a thousand words for the day, all now close to getting. Sixty words will get me to a thousand for the day, two hundred will get me to twenty eight thousand, and probably to page forty two. A great page since it corresponds to my current age. If I get there, maybe I should just write about how it feels to be forty two. It’s something I know a lot about, I’ve lived it since April. Maybe the next page will be a inspiration to the younger reader, it’s not all bad news you know. That feels better, I have got to the thousand words, a significant victory given my reluctance to write tonight, but still the bottom of the page seems a long way away, and twenty eight thousand might appear before the magnificence of page forty two. These little milestones drive me on, I’ll deserve a little nano treat if I get to the twenty eight thousand and to the bottom of the page. A bottle of wychcraft blonde beer would go down well, I am liking this product placement, If Wychwood want to send me any of their excellent ale, I will all too gladly accept it. I actually went to their brewery in the summer and did the tour, couldn’t drink very much, a few sips, really, as I was driving. But they will be glad to know that I have regularly bought it since, and wuchcraft blonde beer is an excellent beer to celebrate a few mini milestones with. I have just finished one I started earlier, there is one left which I will open any minute now. Plus if there are any other mini milestones reached, fifteen hundred for the day, twenty nine thousand words, and the glory of page forty two, I have other excellent ales to name drop. Welcome to page forty two. Welcome also to twenty eight thousand words, thirty is now very reachable So even on an evening when I feel desperately uninspired, I manage to cobble together enough words to satisfy my current lust for word count. It’s not a record breaking day, but if I manage this on the bad days, other big days will compensate for it. I’m only about three hundred short of the magical one thousand six hundred and sixty seven and might indeed make it there, I have two hours in which to cobble together some more words, I don’t actually feel that desperate for words now. I could finish here right now tonight and not feel too bad, but I won‘t. The accumulation of words drives me on, the hitting of mini milestones drives me on, the fifty thousand word target drives me on. The third successful year of nanowrimo drives me on. I don’t want to not complete this, it is a silly internet stunt, but once I start on this road, I want to finish it. Plus I am only sixty words short of maintaining by four day lead, and as I have said, probably many times before this month, it is important to stay ahead of schedule. Playing catch up is not a lot of fun. Another three hundred words would get me seven thousand ahead of schedule, that is the last mini milestone I want to hit tonight. I won’t get there, I’m procrastinating (first use of that classic nanowrimo problem) I keep thinking of something better to do than write stuff. I just suggested to someone on the nanowrimo forum that to boost your word count you could either have a rant, write some dialogue, or some ranty dialogue. I fele a bit too tired and uninspired to have a rant, and since this whole thing is basically me talking to myself, I can’t have a dialogue, it is dialogue, with myself. I will make the daily required word count rate now though, I’m only a hundred words short and they come pretty quickly, whatever rubbish I am writing, I’ve only git forty five minutes to do it though, so it will be tight, because I want to do some stupid stuff , like play scrabble, post inane rubbish on message boards, and that is precisely what I am going to do when I get through the next one hundred blasted words. Plus by writing the magic daily figure, I do not fall behind, and manage to stay the current four days ahead of schedule. I now I’m going to struggle to write two thousand a day until the weekend, when I’m hoping to write an awful lot of words, to help me coast towards the forty thousand mark, and the long run home. Done it, still four days ahead, ahead slightly on the word count for the day, another bold number in the spread sheet, fourth day in a row, and eight days out of the last nine. That’s the way to do nanowrimo. Consistently hit an above average word count, I think I generally manage it at least fifteen times over the month, and so far in thirteen days, I have managed it nine times. And twenty eight more words will get me seven thousand ahead of schedule, the most I have been ahead all month, that other milestone I was hoping to hit tonight, and I have nailed it. Keep getting a couple of hundred above schedule this week, and by the weekend I should be nearly eight thousand ahead, and with a decent five thousand weekend possible, maybe ten thousand ahead. With thirty six minutes left of the day, and the struggle I have had tonight to write, it’s another great result. I kept plugging away, writing nonsense, but plugging away is what gets you to the finish line, and today I have been a champion at plugging away. Tomorrow I have a major milestone within reach the big thirty thousand, twenty nine thousand as well, and if I get particularly inspired, thirty one thousand is very possible, and I’m just about to hit page forty three (there did it, with the word “hit“, now that is good timing. The fifty thousandth line of this here book might just be end, after the, when I finish the damn thing. I am going to hit two thousand tonight, which will prompt more self congratulatory pats on the back. I never thought I’d hit the two thousand when I started this evening, but there you go,. I did. Fourth day in a row as well, I’m just eating up these words, the milestones are just falling away. I’ll leave twenty nine thousand for tomorrow, it makes an easy to achieve mini milestone to set me off on the road to thirty thousand. Chapter Fourteen - Wednesday November the fourteenth The witching hour, the grave yard shift, the midnight hour, time to rack some words while the world sleeps, get ahead of the game. Time to get to twenty nine thousand before bedtime, and leave the big thirty thousand for tomorrow. After yesterday’s struggle which somehow got more through two thousand words, I’m hoping a post midnight word snack will set me up for today. If I don’t succumb to a mid week beer, I will hit thirty thousand at some point today, even a disappointing day of about a thousand words more will get me there. It’s something to look forward to. Great, that‘s twenty nine thousand of the fifty thousand completed, If you have read all twenty nine thousand, thanks for this. You have travelled with me on a long journey, a struggle, a word trek, a word safari, and been with me every step of the way. I feel your love, your warm embrace, your soft breath on my neck. You are filthy aren‘t you, love you in a dirty but sweet kind of way. And with that quick two hundred under my belt, and some quality stirring going on behind me belt. I bid this effort, good night. So London, city of the ten million stories, all of us cockney have a different story every day, even if we feel our life is one long grind. We see different people, have different interactions, have different tube drivers, bus drivers, different people are rude to us, or kind, We see different dogs and cats, horses some times, even cows. Maybe we’ll see rats, mice, foxes, badgers, deer, birds of prey, ducks, swans, geese, sparrows, blue tits, thrush, blackbirds, crows, anyone would think I have been religiously watching autumn watch this week. I love London, I’ve been here 18 years, can’t imagine living anywhere else, people are scared by the size of the place, but most Londoners only travel about the place to go to work, or up the west end. Generally at other times they stay fairly close to home .I generally go to a few regular places in London, and occasionally visit others. My normal areas are the city, Islington, hackney, London bridge and borough, and the west end. Today’s story, overslept, headed for Islington, spoke to the concierge of a block I manage, gave him some keys, listened as he complained about his broken computer which was preventing him from programming some entrance fobs which I needed. Went to Macdonalds where they gave me the wrong breakfast but I couldn’t be arsed to complain as it was so cheap, and I felt so cheap going there. enjoyed the coffee outside in the autumn sun. with a cigarette and a paper. Read about American fifties movies on the bus back to the office, spoke to an occasional work mate about the difference between Nigerian and Irish Guinness , her love of Halloween and the decline of Irish rugby team. The story of my day so far. I also thought about a weekend in Paris now that the Eurostar terminal has moved to Kings Cross. Much closer than Waterloo to my Hackney castle. Tomorrow will be another day. Thought about nanowrimo, thought about this book, or should I call it a blovel, a cross breed of a novel and a blog. Thought about my blog, haven’t written on it in ages. I will write about nanowriomo tonight on it. Nearly Five hundred words so far in my mini work place nanowrimo, taking me closer to the thirty thousand mark, another major milestone on the way . Should get to a thousand today, with the two hundred managed in the post midnight slot. Could this be published, is it arrogant to think it could be. Are all writers arrogant, does anyone who writes think what they are writing is amazing and should be read by millions and could change the world? Hardly, a book on a an obsessive internet geek’s struggle to write fifty thousand words in a month is hardly Hemingway is it? Maybe I am misjudging the potential readers, maybe this is something fresh and exciting, a literary frontier, a star trek of a book, going somewhere no book has been before. Warp speed Mr Scott , let’s explore the literary universe, discover new literary genres, expand our minds, and that. And of course I need to remember to save this and email it to myself, so I can add it to the word mountain on my home pc, a word mountain that by now has probably hurtled at light speed past twenty nine thousand and is at warp speed as it approaches thirty thousand words. Let us all join in the nanowrimo prayer (there isn’t one that I know of, but work with me on this) “Please, let me write more than the required average amount of words every day in November, please give me the inspiration to continue writing nonsense even if I don’t feel like it, please get me to fifty thousand words in this stupid internet competition with no prize at the end of it2 Catchy ain’t it? Another evening session awaits and I‘m still feeling a little lethargic, maybe being so far ahead has made me a little lazy, I’m glad I managed six hundred or so at work, so today I might struggle over a thousand, but at least I am still adding, still driving the story towards the end, and I will hit thirty thousand words soon, that milestone, and it’s a major milestone, not one of the mini milestones, is only one hundred and fifty words away. Before I get there, I need to have a cigarette in the cold November night. There done that, fairly chilly, in a very cold way, and not a scary one. No idea what I am going to write about, I Know, I’ll reproduce some comments on urban75, well one comment from one monkey, a man also embarked on this silly obsession, and someone I do believe I have met in real life. He read the first week or so that I had put up on nanowrimo, he found it, “nice and pacy” that’s good, and added, “but seems like it could become so brain twistingly self reverential that even you won’t know who you are” I think he has hit the nail on the head really, it has become self reverential, but if that gets me to the end, self reverential it will be. I did respond, thanked him and admitted, “I’m disappearing up my own arse , it started off as a n internet stalker thing but then it became a nanowrimo obsessive thing, I’m calling it a blovel, (blog/novel)2 then I claimed I had invented a new genre. Soon thousands will follow me, blovel sites will spring up, parodies will be written, their be a booker blovel prize, which I won’t win, and someone always comes along and does it better. All very well being orville and wright and inventing fucking flying, but then someone comes along and takes passengers, and than you Alexander graham bell for inventing the telephone, but we don’t want to keep it at home, and logie baird, the television is fine and all, but we want huge screens, and want to interact with the thing. Through thirty thousand, now less than twenty thousand to go, and through a thousand words for the day, and almost at page forty five. A reminder for those reading it in a glossy novel form ordered from amazon for £7.99, I hope you included it with some other stuff and got free postage, but the constant references to the page I am on, will make no sense to you as this is probably page one hundred and twenty five (wouldn’t it be great if when It did come out, that actually appeared on page one hundred and twenty five? Of course I am referring to the a4 pages that this was written on, forty four of them now filled, and forty five just starting. Somehow I have managed to haul myself towards a one thousand four hundred word count for the day, which means even if I run out of things to say, right now, I will not have lost much ground, and continue feeding off plentiful words that I managed to get down over the last four days of obsessive writing. What it also means is that I can relax and muck about on the internet tonight, return occasionally and add fifty words or so, and probably get towards two thousand, which will make it another nanowrimo day that tastes of win. And even though I have discussed the pointlessness of the exercise, it isn’t really pointless, there is something hugely satisfying about writing a fifty thousand word novel in a month, or even a fifty thousand word blovel in a month. I think I have done enough for the day now, well over fifteen hundred words, just short of the daily required level, it is a grind, day in day out doing this. I want a big weekend of writing to get to over forty thousand by Sunday night, then pootle along at about a thousand words a day to the end. Will this next year, I swore after the first year I wouldn‘t do it again, I repeated that oath in year two, and now year three is on, I have no idea, it will depend if I can be arsed to do it again, doing it three times proves it wasn’t a fluke doing it once, or twice. I can go up to the top of a hill, or a big building, and shout from the hill top or roof top, “I NAILED NANOWRIMO”, if I want, like, not saying I’d ever do that, but I have earned the right to yell it out. Wow, I am now drawing ahead of the required run rate for the fifth day running, five days that are full of win. Over seven thousand words ahead, and every word now puts me further ahead. Suddenly thirty one thousand is looking very close, can I drive myself up the summit again, scramble up the hill to taste life at the top again? I have already written more than I needed to do by Sunday night, I’m that far ahead. How can I possibly fail now? Easy I could not write another word, then I would be made of nanowrimo fail. Another thousand words would get me to the end of Monday, I won‘t get there tonight, but I keep chipping away at the total, and slowly build up towards yet another two thousand words day. Now a mere two hundred words away. I may come back again to reach that summit. More inspiration is required, maybe a bottle of Adnams’ excellent broadside, an inspiring brew. If this ever gets published I expect lot of gifts of these excellent products I have voluntarily plugged here. I’m knackered, it’s eleven twenty one, I’m probably in need of an early night, I generally say that, then say up talking nonsense on the internet until one thirty, I haven’t had a beer yet, so it might be time to sample one, and maybe another cheeky cigarette too. I might make the two thousand tonight, somehow I have managed to put together over nineteen thousand words, and I’ll leave myself just short of thirty one thousand as well, which will be the first mini milestone to urge myself on to, tomorrow. OOH! I enjoyed that, a cigarette break in the cold, reading a couple of Charlie Brooker columns. Take that you anti-smoking Nazis, I enjoyed a cigarette, in the cold. When they hear that it might be enjoyable to smoke in the cold, they will probably ban that as well, limit smoking to summer months. But hark, global warming will soon make it summer all round. Ha Ha! . And in taking my own advice and adding a rant, I have also added considerably to the word count, taking me to another two thousand day, hoorah!! Relaxes with excellent Adnams broadside beer, and I end the night by finishing yet another A4 Page too. In fact as I am suddenly on a roll, and with twenty minutes of the day to go, I might as well head for thirty one thousand words as well, why the hell not, another day of win. Five days of two thousand plus words, eating away at the word mountain. And thirty one thousand words as well. I can sleep a happy sleep now. Chapter Fifteen, Thursday November the fifteenth Have I got time for another post midnight slot, after the watershed jamboree. I want to, but it’s getting on, and I need to get some kip, I just wanted to make sure I wrote at least a few words today, in case the pub drags me off later. Just checked and after the last five days, I was seven thousand five hundred words ahead of schedule at midnight, another seventeen hundred words today would do me well, if I get enough ahead I could cut down the output to a very manageable a thousand words a day and coast to the finish, but I want to be beyond forty thousand before I start any coasting. Pleasing that my average word count is over two thousand words a day, that will get me to the finish line by the twenty fifth. Only problem, I’m away on the twenty third and twenty forth, and out on the twenty second, so I need to factor out three days and get my average up enough to account for them. You have to be right organised to do this nanowrimo. Still, these little two hundred word boosts after midnight really help out. I feel like another rant , this time written on the notes application of my nokia n73 while waiting for the number seventy six bus. There is so much to rant about in this london town that i do actually cherish . Let's start with the buses , since i am riding on one . People eating smelly food on them , that is a big wrong , if i want to smell you food i'll come and live in your fucking kitchen . Playing tinny music from your phones on the bus ,stop it , buy some fucking headphones you twat ! And while i am talking to you ,take your rubbish with you too , it is not a mobile litter bin . good , rant over for now , will return if word count issues demand it . stupid criminals , alas i do come across them amongst my tenants , old and new . Let 's list some of my ffaves : modern day fagin who let local kids use his flat as a base whilst they burgled the neighbours , he also provided a convenient fencing service . hapless ex con robber who let his cousin use his flat as a brothel and then robbed his local post office without a mask and then made his bike , straight home where he was arrested shortly afterwards. The smack head who broke into his neighbours flats , and threatened them if they reported him . The idiotic teenage son of a tenant who stole the lead off his own roof . All basically paid for their stupidity. I have received some comments via urban75, yes you RenegadeDog that this isn’t really a novel, I have some sympathy with those comments, it does lack a narrative, but the first few chapters are definitely fiction, and there is some fiction in the rest of it, and poetic licence. It’s nanowrimo, I went where the writing took me as I did in the other two I did. Both of those would be seen as more traditional fiction. But I’m pushing boundaries here, I’m a maverick, a wordsmith, following the words, and letting the words lead me to wherever. I want to finish this thing, and I am using all sorts of nanowrimo shenanigans in order to reach the fifty thousand. Today has included some poetic licence, the list of criminal rogues is based on real criminal rogues, but often fiction includes real people. I think Mark Lawson wrote a book, Idlewind based on what would have happened had Marilyn Munroe and John F Kennedy lived. I guess his was an alternative history / novel, mine I guess is an alternative present / blog / novel, and to me, it counts. But thanks for your thoughts. I could do an version of OJ Simpsons, if I did it, imagining myself in alternative situations and what I would do if they happened. Mind you that OJ Simpson book has become a bizarre circus, prevented from publishing it by the force of public opinion, and the publishers realising that perhaps it wasn’t the best idea they had ever had. Now the family of one of the victims has been given the copyright and have released it as a confession, along with their own thoughts on the situation. Presumably he was using it as a money making exercise since he is now a little untouchable in commercial circles. No doubt there will now be a bizarre promotional tour by the family of one of the victims. So what would I have done in certain imagined situations, like a mugging. I have never been a victim of mugging but sometimes try and imagine how I would react. I can’t imagine turning into a ninja assassin, and vanquishing the attackers, my ninja skills are a little limited. I’d like to think that my sparkling wit might get me out of the situation. Imagine the scene. Our hero is walking home late in the evening, he is stopped by a hooded individual, who asks him the time “ Twenty past one” replies the hero “got any money” asks the hooded one, “no” replies the hero, pleasantly “give me some money” asks the hooded one, rather unpleasantly “oh, “ states the hero, “is this one of those mugging situations?” he adds “yeah” says the hooded one, looking around as he says it. “Oh golly, I have never been in this sort of scenario before, what am I supposed to do now” “give me your wallet and your phone” says the now rather confused and impatient hooded one. “right, I think I see how it works, I give you my wallet and my phone and that’s the end of it? “yeah, come on man, hand them the fuck over” “right, well now I understand the situation, I can give you my reply, which is no, I do not wish to relieve my person of said items”, said the hero, still in pleasant mode. “what is the protocol now?” he adds still pleasantly, “will there be fisticuffs?” “just give me the fucking money or I’ll stick you” “Well young man, now you are confusing me, what does stick me mean, do you have a stick or some sort of adhesive produce” The hooded one then pulls out a knife which glistens in the street lights. “this will stick you, “ he adds with menace. “oh I see, well this is my response to that” The hero spots a hedge behind the would be mugger, and using his back pack as a shield, charges the mugger, and thanks to the weight difference, he was taller and heavier than the mugger. The mugger tumbles through the flimsy hedge and into the basement below. “now we have a different situation, don’t we young sir, you are now trapped in a basement area, with only a fixed ladder to escape with, you are probably hurt, as that fall must have winded you, and maybe injured a limb, that phone you asked for is in my hand now, you still can’t have it, I will now use it to phone the police, these thick and heavy boots will meet your face if you try and climb that fixed ladder, resulting in further injuries to your person, I suggest you sit down and await the arrival of the local police” Much swearing and threats emerge from the hooded one, now rubbing an injured ankle, and also calling friends to his assistance. The hero realises that the hooded one does not actually know what street he is on, and awaits in the arrival of the police with some confidence, and they do not let him down. Other versions of this story involve explaining to the thief that I have a contagious cancer which they will catch if I spit in their faces. There, fiction, in this book, more fiction than there was before perhaps. Maybe the last seventeen thousand words will see more stories of a similar ilk. As it is today’s work based writing, along with the mobile on a bus writing, have added over a thousand words to the word mountain, also I’m on the third page today, which should, if my memory is correct take me to page fifty (a4 sized pages) of this work. I’d guess as well that I am close to the one thousand six hundred and sixty seven word daily target, and close to increasing the lead over the daily rate required to finish the thing, I must be approaching thirty three thousand words well, which is about two thirds of the way through. The evening session starts with me on page forty eight, and well on the way to both page forty nine, and to thirty three thousand words which I will hit tonight. After the traditional fiction of today, I am keen to include more as fiction is fun to write, to indulge myself, to fantasise. To imagine what my character or a character would do in a variety of situations. Plus I will hit two thousand words yet again, six days on the trot, ten days out of the last eleven, that’s the way to succeed at nanowrimo, constantly pounding the words out, consistently writing more than the minimum daily word count. I’ll return to this later after more mucking about on the internet and other time wasting activities. My original character spends his life on the internet, fighting his own war, taking names, taking care of business. All pointless except to him, or her. It’s another world, it has some laws, but moderators can’t think of everything, they can try and block an isp address but there are ways around that, ways I don’t understand but the hero of my original piece does. For the first time so far I have deleted something because it simply wasn’t working, I probably wasted about thirty words, if I finish on forty nine thousand nine hundred and seventy as the clock clicks towards midnight in fifteen days, then I’ll regret it. However it was going nowhere, and even though a lot of this doesn’t appear to be going anywhere, somewhere, I have no idea where, it makes sense to me. The driving force of it all is nanowrimo, the drive for the finishing line, the writing for the sake of writing, with no worries about plot or lack of plot, of characters or lack of characters, pace or lack of pace. It’s all about the word count. And I will get to two thousand words today, and I will get to forty thousand by Sunday night, and this is a story, a novel, about one man’s struggle to write fifty thousand words in a month about nothing in particular. Maybe it is the anti-novel, the post modern post modern novel, reverentially self reverential. I have disappeared up my own arse, and need to get out of there, it’s dark for one thing, and if I end up there I won’t be able to write anything and I’ll finish seventeen thousand short. Is this struggle an existential struggle, do I know what that means, to be honest I’d need to google it to find out, so maybe it is and I don‘t know it. There you are , intrigue, mystery, I have no idea what I’m talking about, there’s the intrigue and mystery. Will I fins out what I am talking about? There’s the drama, and the who done it, I did it, but I don’t know how I did it, or what I did, or if I will do it again. Tow milestones, thirty three thousand and two thousand for the day. A another day of win, and at ten in the evening I can relax again for the rest of the evening, open a bottle of wine maybe, should I try for the whole bottle or put a stopper in after half. It is worth celebrating getting this close, I’m on page forty nine as well, which I didn’t notice until now. Plus I am now eight thousand ahead of schedule, another reason to open up a bottle of plonk. This is a novel, surely, I just whacked some fiction in, there was fiction at the very beginning, and fiction at certain points throughout. I am satisfied that it passes the novel test. Like it has to past some sort of test, if I say it’s a novel, surely it is, or is there a bloke with a clip board hovering around me checking every word, fiction yes, fiction no, fiction maybe, fiction possibly. Go away hovering fiction checking clip board man, we don’t want your sort around here, there’s writing to be done, there is milestones to vanquish, and you are putting me off my stroke. Time to knock off, I have a bottle of wine in front of me and no inclination to write, apart from mucking about on message boards.
Two. Get the windows and front of the house painted - see above
Three - new carpets - see above
Four - new kitchen - see above
Five - cut the hedge - my last neighbour buggered the hedge trimmer (well not literally, it just doesn’t work - so a new one is needed, that is doable)
Six - sort out buildings insurance - so we share it with Alice downstairs - only be waiting to do that for about 2 years
It fills the space of an actual family, well actually it doesn’t at all, it fills a space of some kind, not sure what sort of space. This nanowrimo is of course, all about filling space, filling a blank page, filling about ninety A4 blank pages with plot, narrative, character, events, drama, emotion, humour and the rest. And I have managed to do that to the extend that I’m only twelve hundred short of the half way mark, twenty five thousand words, that is the peak of the hill, surely it is down hill from there. Well no, it’s all one big mountain, and you struggle slowly towards the top of it, and at the top, you don’t feel like you have achieved that much. You have, and at forty nine thousand nine hundred and ninety nine words you feel you are on the edge of greatness. Sadly the next word does bring a sense of deflation, a sense of loss. Mainly because the journey has been so much better than the destination, the race better than the finish line. And I have now filled thirty five pages of space by the way.
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