Take the Next Road on your Left (Teleplay) Part 6

SC1. TAINSTAL HOSPITAL A & E DEPARTMENT AN HOUR LATER
[CHARLIE DARTS AWAKE]
CHARLIE:
CHRIST I MAY NEVER SLEEP PROPERLY AGAIN
[CHARLIE ADJUSTS HIMSELF AND LOOKS DOWN AT HIS ANKLE]
I MAY NOT EARN FOR A WHILE EITHER
BILL (FULLY AWAKE AND SOBER WITH MAGGIE STILL ASLEEP ACROSS HIS LEGS):
HAD A FEW NASTY ONES MYSELF
CHARLIE (JUMPING):
JESUS, I CAME IN FOR A VISIT AND I’LL GO OUT IN A COFFIN.
BILL:
DO YOU DRINK MUCH?
CHARLIE:
I HAVEN’T GOT A HANGOVER; UNLESS IT’S CALLED ADEONA
BILL:
NEVER TRIED IT; IS IT A WHISKEY?
CHARLIE:
NO SOMETHING STRONGER
BILL:
HAVE YOU GOT A WEE SAMPLE?
CHARLIE:
IT’S UPSTAIRS AND (POINTING TO HIS ANKLE)…MAYBE LATER
BILL (POINTS TO THE CHAIR):
WHAT ABOUT THAT?
CHARLIE:
YES, OF COURSE.
[CHARLIE MANOEUVRES TO A SITTING POSITION AND STANDS ON HIS LEFT LEG SUPPORTING HIMSELF AGAINST THE BED AND HOPS AROUND THE BED TOWARD THE OTHER SIDE WHERE THE CHAIR IS. HE HOPS INTO THE SEAT AND BEGINS TO MOVE HIMSELF FORWARD AND BACKWARD]
YOU KNOW BILL THIS MAY WORK IN MY FAVOUR. I CAN USE THIS. I DIDN’T HAVE INSURANCE AND LOOK…
[CHARLIE HAS SPUN THE CHAIR ROUND AND IS STARING OUT THE WINDOW. HE CAN SEE THE 4X4 VEHICLE HE ENCOUNTERED NEARLY FOUR HOURS AGO]
HE’S BEEN HERE A LONG TIME
[A NURSE GETS OUT OF THE PASSENGER SEAT]
CHARLIE:
SUCH A SLIM LITTLE THING; MARRIED TO A FUCKING NUTCASE.
[HE TURNS BACK TO BILL]
CHARLIE:
DO YOU LOVE HER?
BILL:
MAGGIE? SHE’S MY SOUL MATE
CHARLIE:
SHE BEAT YOU UP LAST NIGHT.
BILL:
I KNOW; BUT I WOULDN’T LET JUST ANYBODY BEAT ME UP
[CHARLIE LAUGHS ALONG WITH BILL]
CHARLIE:
YOU CAN’T GO ON LIKE THAT
BILL:
WHY SHOULDN’T WE?
CHARLIE:
WHERE WILL IT ALL LEAD?
BILL:
DOES IT HAVE TO GO ANYWHERE? WHAT’S ANOTHER FORK IN THE ROAD? IT’S JUST ANOTHER ROAD. WHO CARES WHO’S DRIVING?
[MAGGIE STARTS TO STIR]
MAGGIE:
BILL CAN YOU KEEP IT THE FUCK DOWN I’M TRYING TO SLEEP
CHARLIE:
I’M GOING FOR A DRIVE
BILL:
WHERE?
CHARLIE:
I DUNNO; GET A COFFEE, MAYBE JUST WANDER
[EXITS]
CUT TO:

SC2. TAINSTAL HOSPITAL CANTEEN
[DOCTOR PATHMANATHAN IS WALKING TOWARD A TABLE WITH A TRAY OF FOOD. A SURGEON COLLEAGUE IS ALREADY SITTING THERE]
SURGEON:
YOU’RE EARLY
DOCTOR P:
GOT A SPECIAL GIRL TO LOOK AFTER
SURGEON:
OH THE WITNESS
DOCTOR P:
YOU ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO KNOW THAT
SURGEON:
EVERYBODY KNOWS THAT AND IT STILL DOESN’T EXPLAIN WHY YOU’RE IN AT THIS TIME
DOCTOR P:
SHE HAS UNDERGONE A TRAUMATIC EXPERIENCE AND IS STILL IN SHOCK. THE POLICE WON’T CARE ABOUT THAT – ALL THEY WANT IS TO GET HER TO TALK
SURGEON:
WHICH OF COURSE SHE CAN’T
DOCTOR P:
THAT WON’T STOP THEM DRAGGING IN BOOKS AND BOOKS OF SUSPECTS AND INSISTING SHE TRAWLS THROUGH THEM FOR HOURS WHEN SHE SHOULD BE RESTING
SURGEON:
AND YOU’RE HER KNIGHT IN SHINING ARMOUR
DOCTOR P:
I COME FROM A LITTLE VILLAGE WHERE THE PEOPLE ARE UNPROTECTED FROM DISEASE, FAMINE AND CORRUPTION. ONE DAY SOON I’LL GO BACK AND SERVE THEM. I MAY NOT CURE THE FAMINE OR CORRUPTION BUT I CAN DO SOMETHING TO PROTECT THEM FROM DISEASE
SURGEON:
SO SHE’LL DO AS A METAPHOR FOR THE TIME BEING, BUT (PAUSE) SHE’S NOT AS IMPORTANT AS BREAKFAST I SEE
DOCTOR P:
YOU KNOW I HAVE TO HAVE MY FULL ENGLISH
SURGEON:
DON’T TOUCH THE SAUSAGES I’VE HEARD THEY’RE OFF
DOCTOR P (TAKES A BITE):
NOTHING WRONG WITH IT
SURGEON:
I WARNED YOU
DOCTOR P:
I LOVE SAUSAGES
SURGEON:
BESIDES WHICH, AREN’T MUSLIMS SUPPOSED TO RELENT FROM EATING PORK?
DOCTOR P:
HERE (THROWS HIM HIS MOBILE) PHONE MY PARENTS IN SRI LANKA
[THEY BOTH LAUGH]
CUT TO:

SC3. TANISTAL HOSPITAL TOP FLOOR OUTSIDE LIFT
[THE LIFT DOOR OPENS AND CHARLIE EXITS; HE LOOKS TO THE RIGHT AND THE WARD IS QUIET. HE STARTS TO MAKE HIS WAY DOWN THE CORRIDOR TOWARD THE NURSES’ STATION. THE LIGHTS ARE OFF IN THE ROOM WHICH MAKES IT VERY DARK AS HE MAKES HIS WAY DOWN BUT THE LIGHT IN ADEONA’S WARD IS STILL ON SHARPENING HIS SHADOW AS IT STRETCHES OUT BEHIND HIM. HE STOPS BY THE STATION AND PUTS HIS HEAD IN BUT CAN SEE NOTHING IN THE DARK. HE STRUGGLES TO REACH FOR THE LIGHT BUT EVENTUALLY MANAGES TO TURN IT ON. THE ROOM IS EMPTY. HE PUSHES ON TOWARD THE END OF THE CORRIDOR. AS HE REACHES IT HE LOOKS DOWN TO WHERE THOMPSON SHOULD BE BUT HE IS ABSENT TO. HE PUSHES INTO ADEONA’S ROOM AND SHE SEEMS RESTFUL AND THEN HE NOTICES A SHEEN COMING OFF THE FLOOR AND THE BED PAN LYING UPSIDE DOWN]
CHARLIE:
THE DIRTY ROTTEN BASTARDS – LEFT HER IN SHTUCK WHILE THEY FUCK OFF FOR A COFFEE AND A FAG.
[HE ENTERS TENTATIVELY AND APPROACHES IN A CIRCULAR ROUTE TO AVOID THE URINE. HE BENDS DOWN TO PICK UP THE BED PAN AND UNCOVERS A HYPODERMIC; AS HE LIFTS IT AND BEGINS TO RISE, HIS EYES CATCH A FLASH OF WHITE UNDERNEATH ADEONA’S BED. HE CAN SEE THAT WHATEVER WAS IN THE NEEDLE HAS ONLY BEEN PARTLY ADMINISTERED. HIS EYES BEGIN TO WIDEN AS THE SCENARIO BEGINS TO TAKE ON A SINISTER MEANING]
CUT TO:

SC4. FLASHBACK TO THE A & E WARD
[CHARLIE IS GAZING OUT AT THE BLACK 4X4 AND SEES THE NURSE COMING OUT]
CUT TO:

SC5. ADEONA’S WARD
[CHARLIE MANIPULATES THE NEEDLE SO HE IS HOLDING IT AS IF HE WERE THRUSTING A DAGGER. HE ROLLS BACK A LITTLE ON THE CHAIR UNTIL HE CAN JUST CATCH A LITTLE OF THE WHITE UNIFROM UNDER THE BED, THEN PUSHES THE CHAIR FORWARD WITH ALL HIS STRENGTH LEAPING FROM IT TO THE FLOOR USING THE URINE SPILL AS A SLIDE. HE AIMS FOR THE BODY UNDER THE BED. AS HE HITS THE DECK HE CAN SEE THE NURSE AND RECOGNIZES THE SLIM FIGURE FROM THE 4X4. AS HE SLIDES CLOSER HE CAN SEE THAT THE NURSE HAS AN ANDROGYNOUS FACE (CONTRACT KILLER). CHARLIE PUSHES THE HYPO FORWARD AND THE KILLER RECOGNIZING IT MAKES A GRAB BUT CHARLIE’S FORCE CARRIES HIM INTO THE KILLER AND HE SUCCEEDS IN BURYING THE NEEDLE IN THE KILLER’S NECK. THE KILLER JERKS UP LIKE A RAG DOLL HIT BY AN ELECTRIC BOLT AND RIPS OUT THE NEEDLE. HE LIFTS UP HIS UNIFORM TO REVEAL A SMALL REVOLVER WITH A SILENCER ATTACHED, STRAPPED TO A GARTER ON HIS RIGHT LEG. HE TRIES TO GRAB IT BUT IS BECOMING GROGGY. AFTER THREE ATTEMPTS HE MANAGES TO RIP IT FREE AND CHARLIE BRACES HIMSELF FOR IMMINENT DEATH]
CHARLIE:
WHAT A FUCKING WAY TO DIE. KILLED BY A TRANSVESTITE NURSE PROTECTING A JINXED MUTE AND COVERED IN PISS
[THE KILLER TRIES TO AIM BUT STAGGERS A LITTLE. CHARLIE SEES A CHANCE TO DISARM HIM AND RISES BUT ABOVE HIM ADEONA HAS STIRRED AND HER RIGHT ARM FLAILS OUT AND SHE KNOCKS OVER THE VASE OF FLOWERS BESIDE HER BED. IT FALLS AND HITS CHARLIE ON THE HEAD. HE CRIES OUT AND ALTHOUGH HE’S NOT KNOCKED UNCONSCIOUS, HE SLIPS BACK DOWN]
CHARLIE;
I’M TRYING TO SAVE YOU, YOU SILLY COW
[THE KILLER RECOVERS AND BEARS HIS WEAPON AGAIN ON CHARLIE AND FLEXES HIS FINGER ON THE TRIGGER BUT THE SERUM KICKS IN AND HE FALLS TO THE FLOOR DISCHARGING THE GUN. THE BULLET HITS CHARLIE IN THE LEFT ARM]
CHARLIE:
CHRIST THAT HURTS.
CUT TO:

SC6. ANOTHER WARD TAINSTAL HOSPITAL
[DOCTOR P IS TALKING TO A NURSE]
DOCTOR P:
I’M GOING TO CHECK ON OUR DISTINGUISHED VISITOR.
NURSE:
BE CAREFUL WITH THOSE POLICEMEN
DOCTOR P:
ROUGH ARE THEY?
NURSE:
THEY’RE A BIT JUMPY IF YOU ASK ME
DOCTOR P:
WELL, UNDER THE CIRCUMSTANCES
[DOCTOR P SUDDENLY GRABS HIS STOMACH]
NURSE:
DOCTOR; ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?
DOCTOR P:
YOU DIDN’T HAVE THE SAUSAGES DID YOU?
NURSE:
I BRING SANDWHICHES
[HE HAS ANOTHER ATTACK]
DOCTOR P:
I’LL PAY A LITTLE PRIVATE CALL FIRST I THINK
[HE EXITS]
CUT TO:

SC7. TAINSTAL HOSPITAL FLOOR 6 CORRIDOR
[DOCTOR P RUSHES TOWARD THE GENTS BUT THEY ARE OUT OF ORDER. HE PUSHES HIS HEAD THROUGH THE DOOR TO THE STAIRWELL AND LOOKS UPSTAIRS]
CUT TO:

SC8. ADEONA’S WARD TAINSTAL HOSPITAL
[AFTER A STRUGGLE CHARLIE MANAGES TO RIGHT HIMSELF AND PROPPED UP BESIDE THE BED ON HIS GOOD LEG EXAMINES HIS ARM. IT HAS MISSED THE BONE BUT THE PAIN IS INTENSE AND THE BLEEDING PROFUSE. ADEONA IS MOANING AS IF SHE IS FIGHTING THE DOSE OF THE SERUM SHE HAS RECEIVED. HE PUSHES AT THE CALL BUTTON BUT NOTHING HAPPENS]
CHARLIE:
THE BASTARD’S TAKEN NO CHANCES. WAKE UP ADEONA, CAN YOU WAKE UP?
[HE SLAPS HER A COUPLE OF TIMES ACROSS THE FACE]
CHARLIE:
COME ON YOU STUPID GIRL BEFORE HIS EMPLOYERS COME UP AND FINISH THE JOB. I NEED YOU TO PUSH ME. [HER EYES OPEN AND SHE GIVES HIM THAT ADEONA SMILE AND THEN SHE DRIFTS BACK TO SLEEP]
CHARLIE:
JESUS. WE’RE DEAD IF WE DON’T MOVE
[CHARLIE HOPS OVER TO THE WHEELCHAIR AND PUSHES IN TO THE BED POSITIONING IT WITH THE BRAKE ON SO HE CAN FLOP ADEONA INTO IT. UNSEEN THE KILLER IS MAKING A CALL ON HIS MOBILE]
CONTRACT KILLER (INTO PHONE):
FINISH IT…
[CHARLIE DROPS ADEONA AND PEERS OVER THE BED TO SEE THE KILLER DRIFT BACK INTO UNCONSCIOUNESS. FRANTICALLY HE ATTEMPTS TO LIFT HER FROM THE BED AND LOSES HIS BALANCE INADVERTENTLY PUTTING HIS WEIGHT ONTO HIS SPRAINED FOOT. HE YELLS IN PAIN AND HOPS BACK ONTO THE GOOD FOOT. EVENTUALLY HE MANAGES TO DRAG HER INTO THE CHAIR AND STARTS TO PUSH HER OUT OF THE WARD HOPPING ON HIS GOOD LEG. HE HEADS DOWN THE CORRIDOR AND CAN SEE THAT THE LIFT AS THE DOORS HAVE OPENED. OUT STEPS VILLAIN 1 WITH A MOBILE IN HIS HAND. FORTUNATELY HE LOOKS TOWARD THE OPPOSITE WARD. CHARLIE SWINGS AROUND ON BOTH FEET IGNORING THE PAIN AND BITING HARD ON HIS LIP. ADEONA STARTS TO STIR. SHE LOOKS AT HERSELF AND STARTS TO PANIC. CHARLIE NOTICES]
CHARLIE:
CHRIST ADEONA YOU’RE AWAKE!
[ADEONA LOOKS OVER HER SHOULDER]
CHARLIE:
I KNOW, I KNOW. HE’S OUT FOR THE COUNT WITH HIS OWN MEDICINE. WHERE’S THE STAIRWELL?
[ADEONA POINTS TOWARD WHERE THOMPSON WAS STATIONED. BEHIND THEM THE OMINOUS SOUNDS OF HEAVY FOOTSTEPS APPROACHES]
[ADEONA TOUCHES HER EAR]
CHARLIE:
I DON’T THINK ITS FLORENCE FUCKING NIGHTINGALE
[CHARLIE PUSHES AS FAST AS HE CAN, HALF-HOPPING AND HALF WALKING AND ALL THE TIME WINCING AS THE PAIN IN HIS ARM AND ANKLE KNIFE INTO HIM]
CHARLIE:
CAN YOU GET DOWNSTAIRS?
[ADEONA CONSIDERS]
CHARLIE:
IF YOU CAN’T WALK I’LL HAVE TO THROW YOU DOWN
[ADEONA NODS; CHARLIE IS PUSHING HARD TOWARD THE NICHE AT THE END OF THE CORRIDOR BEFORE THEY ARE SPOTTED. HE TURNS OUT OF SIGHT JUST AS VILLAIN 1 ARRIVES AT ADEONA’S WARD. BEFORE HIM ARE TWO DOORS. ONE ON THE LEFT AND ONE STRAIGHT AHEAD]
CHARLIE:
WHICH ONE?
[ADEONA’S HEAD IS BEGINNING TO ROLL AGAIN BUT SHE POINTS TO THE ONE AHEAD. CHARLIE SEES A ‘W’ PRINTED BUT THE REST IS SCRAWLED OUT]
CHARLIE:
OF COURSE – ‘WAY OUT’
[HE BACKS THE CHAIR UP SO HE CAN PUSH THROUGH QUIETLY WITH HIS BACK AND PULL THE CHAIR THROUGH WITHOUT ALERTING THE VILLAIN]
CHARLIE (WHISPERING TO HER):
AS SOON AS WE’RE THROUGH I’LL GO FIRST. YOU GRAB THE RAILING AND LEAN ON ME. WE JUST NEED TO MAKE IT TO THE NEXT FLOOR. THEY’LL BE PEOPLE THERE. OKAY?
[ADEONA NODS]
CHARLIE:
HERE GOES. KEEP YOUR FEET IN AND HOLD THE DOOR AS YOU PASS. STOP IT SCRAPING AGAINST THE CHAIR. THAT BASTARD WILL FIGURE OUT SOON ENOUGH WHICH WAY WE’VE GONE BUT WE CAN GIVE OURSELVES A LITTLE TIME
[CHARLIE EASES HIS BACK AGAINST THE DOOR AND PUSHES TENTATIVELY. THERE IS NO SQUEAK SO HE CONTINUES IN]
CHARLIE:
PUSH YOU HAND AGAINST IT
[SHE MOVES HER LEFT HAND ONTO THE DOOR KEEPING IT AWAY FROM THE SIDE OF THE CHAIR. THEY GLIDE IN ALMOST NOISELESSLY]
CHARLIE (SWINGING THE CHAIR AROUND AT THE SAME TIME):
SWEET! NOW ALL WE NEED TO…
[CHARLIE DISCOVERS THEY ARE IN THE TOILET]
CHARLIE:
CHRIST SHE’S KILLED US
CUT TO:

SC9. ADEONA’S WARD
[VILLAIN 1 MOVES INTO THE WARD AND AVOIDS THE URINE. HE EXAMINES THE BED AND THEN PEERING OVER SEES THE KILLER LYING ON THE FLOOR. HE PICKS UP THE KILLER’S GUN. AS HE GAZES AT THE FLOOR THE URINE PICKED UP BY THE WHEELCHAIR HAS SHOWN ITS ROUTE. THE VILLAIN STANDS BY THE DOOR AND SEES HOW THE TRIAL HAS MOVED AROUND TOWARD THE TOILET. HE FOLLOWS IT]
CUT TO:

SC10. GENT’S TOILET BLOCK FLOOR 7 TAINSTAL HOSPITAL
[THE TOILET IS SPACIOUS WITH THREE CUBICLES TO THE RIGHT AND A ROW OF URINALS TO THE LEFT. CHARLIE IS REMONSTRATING IN WHISPERS AT ADEONA]
CHARLIE:
JUST ONCE COULD WE GO THE RIGHT WAY? WHAT IT IS ABOUT YOU? I BET YOU COULD HAVE AVOIDED THOSE ROBBERS?
[ADEONA LOOKS GUILTY]
CHARLIE:
WELL I’M NOT DYING HERE, NOT IN A LOO. THERE’S ONLY ONE MORE POSSIBLE WAY
CUT TO:

SC11. INSIDE THE FAR CUBICLE GENT’S TOILET FLOOR 6 TAINSTAL HOSPITAL
[DOCTOR P IS ZIPPING UP HIS PANTS AND LISTENING WITH CURIOISTY TO CHARLIE. THINKING HE HAS STUMBLED ACROSS A ‘DOMESTIC’ OR A PSYCHOTIC HE PROPS HIS FEET ON THE TOILET SEAT, SLIPS THE DOORLOCK CAREFULLY AND NUDGES THE DOOR AJAR SLIGHTLY TO SEE WHAT’S GOING ON]
CHARLIE’S VOICE:
THE OTHER DOOR HAS TO LEAD TO THE STAIRWELL. WE’RE GONNA DO EXACTLY…
CUT TO:

SC12. GENT’S TOILET BLOCK FLOOR 6 TAINSTAL HOSPITAL
CHARLIE:
…THE SAME AS WE DID BEFORE BUT…
[FOOTSTEPS ARE HEARD APPROACHING. AS THEY GET NEARER CHARLIE HOPS BACKWARD DRAGGING THE WHEELCHAIR UNTIL THEY HIT THE FAR WALL WITH THE URINALS ON THEIR RIGHT. THE FOOTSTEPS STOP. AFTER A FEW SECONDS THE DOOR OPENS AND VILLAIN 1 WALKS IN STILL LOOKING AT THE TRAIL OF URINE. DOCTOR P LEANS BACK AND PULLS THE CUBICLE DOOR OPEN AS IF VACANT]
VILLAIN 1 (SMIRKING):
COULDN’T YOU TWO WAIT OR SOMETHING?
CHARLIE (REALISING):
BETRAYED BY A TRAIL OF PISS
VILLAIN 1:
IT’S YOU ISN’T IT?
CHARLIE:
THE ASH TRAY, YES
VILLAIN 1:
YOU KNOW HER?
CHARLIE:
FUNNILY ENOUGH, NO, I…
VILLAIN 1:
TOOK A WRONG TURN? I’VE A LIFE FULL OF THEM. BUT THIS IS A DEAD END FOR YOU, NOT ME.
[HE AIMS THE GUN AT CHARLIE. SUDDENLY A CRY GOES UP AND A FLASH OF WHITE STREAKS ACROSS FROM CUBICLE 3 AS DOCTOR P SLAMS INTO VILLAIN 1. THE DOCTOR ALMOST BOUNCES OFF HIM AND ROLLS ON THE GROUND CLUTCHING HIS SHOULDER BUT IT’S ENOUGH TO UNBUCKLE VILLAIN 1’S KNEES AND HE FALLS TO THE RIGHT CRACKING HIS HEAD OFF ONE OF THE URINALS. AS HE LANDS ON THE FLOOR HE DISCHARGES HIS GUN AND SHOOTS CHARLIE IN THE OTHER ARM]
CHARLIE:
SWEET EVER-LOVING GOD!
[HE ROCKS BACK ON BOTH FEET AND SCREAMS AGAIN AS HIS ANKLE REACTS]
DOCTOR P:
HE SHOT YOU
CHARLIE:
IT’S OKAY IT’S A MATCHING PAIR. YOU SAVED US
DOCTOR P (RISING BUT CLUTCHING HIS SHOULDER):
IT’S ALL ON THE NHS BUT I THINK I MAY BE SWOPPING SIDES SOON
CHARLIE (UNABLE TO LOOK DOWN DUE TO PAIN):
THE GIRL; IS SHE, IS SHE ALRIGHT?
DOCTOR P:
SHE’S ASLEEP I THINK
CHARLIE (SCREAMING):
YOU BITCH!
CUT TO:

SC13: CAR PARK OUTSIDE HOSPITAL
[VILLAIN 4 IS IN DRIVING SEAT]

VILLAIN 2:
THIS FEELS BAD - HE SHOULD BE OUT BY NOW

VILLAIN 3:
IF WE LEAVE HIM...

VILLAIN 2:
IF HE'S CAUGHT HE CAN'T HURT US

VILLAIN 4:
HE HAS FRIENDS.

VILLAIN 3:
HE ONLY HAS TO GIVE THE WORD AND...

[AN ALARM GOES OFF IN THE HOSPITAL]

VILLAIN 2:
DECISION MADE - GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE

[VILLAIN 4 HITS THE ACCELERATOR AND HEADS OUT OF THE CAR PARK. THERE IS A BLUE ONE-WAY SIGN INSTRUCTING TRAFFIC TO GO RIGHT]

4x4 SAT NAV:
TURN LEFT

[VILLAIN 4 OBEYS AND TURNS THE WRONG WAY HITTING AN INCOMING POLICE CAR HEAD ON]

SC14. HARDMAN’S OFFICE BULTISH INSURANCE
[HARDMAN IS IN HIS CHAIR AND CHARLIE OPPOSITE HIM]
HARDMAN:
AND THEY FOUND ALL THREE THERE?
CHARLIE:
TRUSSED UP WITH BANDAGES IN A CUPBOARD.
HARDMAN:
HE DRUGGED THEM
CHARLIE:
IT MUST’VE BEEN EASY. THEY WERE NEVER AWAY FROM THE COFFEE MACHINE. HE JUST WAITED FOR THEM ALL TO DROP OFF AND DRAGGED THEM AWAY
HARDMAN:
IT MUST’VE BEEN AWFUL IN THE INTERROGATION ROOM
CHARLIE:
I’VE HAD HARDER SELLS IN MY TIME
[HARDMAN SEES THROUGH THE BRAVADO]
HARDMAN:
I WAS PISSED OFF AT YOU. I THOUGHT YOU’D DONE IT TO EMBARRAS ME, BUT WHEN I HEARD…
CHARLIE:
I’M READY FOR WORK?
HARDMAN:
BEN’S DONE A GOOD JOB WITH YOUR CLIENTS
CHARLIE:
GOOD BEING THE EMOTIVE WORD
HARDMAN:
I WANT HIM TO CARRY ON WITH THEM
CHARLIE:
SO YOU DO BLAME ME?
HARDMAN:
NO, YOU CAN HAVE THEM BACK; THEY’LL ALWAYS BE YOURS BUT I WANT YOU TO TAKE A BREAK
CHARLIE:
I’VE JUST HAD TWO MONTHS.
HARDMAN:
AND YOU NEED TO EARN
CHARLIE (PAUSES):
I HAVE MONEY; I JUST DON’T HAVE…
HARDMAN:
I HAVE A COTTAGE. IT’S IN DEVON BUT NOT IN THE USUAL TOURIST TRAPS. SPEND A WEEK DOWN THERE CHARLIE, ITS BEAUTIFUL COUNTRY. THERE’S SPACE AND TIME.
CHARLIE:
I COULD GO NUTS
HARDMAN:
IT’S POSSIBLE, BUT THERE ARE LOTS OF WAYS TO GO NUTS. I FIND THIS WAY PREFERABLE
CHARLIE (PONDERING):
I DUNNO
CUT TO:

SC15. CHARLIE’S BMW M4 MOTORWAY SOMETIME IN THE AFTERNOON THE FOLLOWING WEEKEND
[CHARLIE IS DRIVING BUT RUBS ONE OF HIS ARMS AS IF THE EFFORT OF KEEPING IT ON THE WHEEL IS ACHING. HE SEES A ROAD SIGN FOR TAINSTAL NEXT EXIT AND SHUDDERS. HE TURNS INTO THE NEXT SERVICE STATION ON ROUTE AND FINDS A SPACE IN THE CAR PARK. HE UNWRAPS A SANDWHICH AND BEGINS TO EAT. MOMENTS LATER A POLICE CAR PULLS UP. WINDSOR AND TUDOR ARE INSIDE. CHARLIE SPOTS THEM AND BEGINS TO DUCK DOWN IN HIS SEAT BUT TUDOR HAS RECOGNISED HIM AND THEY BOTH GET OUT]
TUDOR:
CHARLES LUCRE, IT IS YOU
CHARLIE:
OKAY OFFICER WHAT AM I GUILTY OF NOW, RUNNING OVER A CAT?
WINDSOR:
WHY, YOU’RE NOT SELLING PET INSURANCE
CHARLIE (GETTING OUT OF HIS CAR):
FUCKING HELL CAN’T YOU GUYS WORK ON A DIFFERENT ACT, BESIDES I’M NOT THE ONE WHO LOST HIS JOB AM I?
TUDOR:
REASSIGNED
CHARLIE:
OH IT WAS A PROMOTION WAS IT?
WINDSOR:
TRAFFIC DIVISION ARE SHORT, WE’RE MAKING UP THE NUMBERS. THIS IS TEMPORARY; WE’LL BE BACK
CHARLIE:
I JUST CAN IMAGINE THE CHILL GOING THROUGH THE BONES OF ALL THOSE HARDENED CRIMINALS OUT THERE AT THE NEWS.
TUDOR:
THERE’S A FEW NASTY FUCKERS CHEWING PRISON CLOTH DOWN TO US
CHARLIE:
WELL YOU CERTAINLY ROUNDED UP THAT BUNCH IN TAINSTAL; I LOVED THE COMMAND CENTRE TOO. YOU CAN’T BEAT A HIGH-LEVEL OPERATION BEING RUN FROM A CUPBOARD
WINDSOR:
THAT FUCKING TRANSVETITE IS DOING TWENTY YEARS FOR A STRING OF MURDERS. WE’RE LUCKY TO BE ALIVE. THAT’S MI6 STUFF
TUDOR:
WE GOT THE OTHERS DIDN’T WE?
CHARLIE:
FROM WHAT I READ GOT LOST IN THE CAR PARK AND RAN STRAIGHT INTO ANOTHER BUNCH OF UNIFORMED CLOWNS.
WINDSOR:
EXACTLY
CHARLIE:
JESUS, YOU GUYS WILL CLAIM FOR ANYTHING. WHAT HAPPENED TO THOMPSON?
TUDOR:
HIGH-TAILED IT BACK TO COLLEGE

(PAUSE)
CHARLIE
WELL I’M ON HOLIDAY NOW BOYS SO PLEASE DON’T CALL ME UP I’M DEFINITELY NOT INSURING YOU
TUDOR:
SHE ASKED FOR YOU
(PAUSE)
CHARLIE:
I KNOW
[HE GETS BACK IN HIS CAR AND DRIVES OFF]
WINDSOR (WATCHING HIM):
I HOPE HE SMASHES THAT FUCKING BMW UP IN FRONT OF ME ONE DAY AND I FIND OUT HE HASN’T GOT ANY INSURANCE
CUT TO:

SC16. A SMALL VILLAGE IN DEVON NOT FAR FROM THE M5
[CHARLIE IS PARKED UP LOOKING AT THE ADDRESS OF HARDMAN’S COTTAGE]
CHARLIE:
IT IS WELL HIDDEN AWAY. WELL HERE GOES
[HE BEGINS TO ENTER THE ROUTE DETAILS INTO A NEW SAT NAV ON HIS DASHBOARD. AS HE FINISHES HE LOOKS AT THE BOX IT CAME IN. THE LEGEND SAYS “LATEST MODEL, 100 % ACCURATE, MALE VOICE”]
CHARLIE:
HERE GOES
[CHARLIE DRIVES OFF TOWARD A T-JUNCTION IN THE VILLAGE CENTRE]
SAT NAV:
AT THE JUNCTION TURN RIGHT
[CHARLIE SCREECHES TO A HALT]
CHARLIE:
IT’S HER AGAIN!
[HE PICKS UP THE BOX]
CHARLIE:
MALE VOICE - LYING BASTARDS.
[HE RIFLES INSIDE THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT AND FISHES OUT A ROAD MAP. HE FINDS HIS LOCATION AND LAYS THE PAGE OPEN ON THE PASSENGER SEAT]
CHARLIE:
RIGHT TURN; THAT’S WHAT THE MAP SAYS
[HE TURNS RIGHT, LEAVING THE SAT NAV ON AND CHECKING DIRECTIONS AGAINST THE MAP AT EACH TURN. AFTER A WHILE HE BEGINS TO TRUST IT AND DISREGARDS THE MAP]

CUT TO:

SC17. A SMALL CROSS ROADS IN THE DEVON COUNTRYSIDE LATE AFTERNOON
[CHARLIE APPROACHES UP A NARROW MINOR ROAD]
CHARLIE (LOOKING AT THE HEDGEROWS EITHER SIDE):
ANY MORE OF THIS AND I’LL BE IN A FIELD
[HE SPIES THE CROSSROADS AND SIGNPOST]
CHARLIE:
HERE WE GO – IT CAN’T BE FAR NOW
SAT NAV:
AT THE CROSSROADS TURN LEFT
[CHARLIE TURNS THE WHEEL LEFT]
SAT NAV:
NO RIGHT!
[CHARLIE LURCHES THE WHEEL BACK AGAIN AND SWINGS INTO THE NARROW ROAD ON THE RIGHT AS AN OLD VW BEETLE COMES INTO VIEW. BOTH DRIVERS HIT THE BRAKES AND THE CAR BUMPERS JUST KISS EACH OTHER. A WALL OF DUST IS THROWN INTO THE AIR MAKING VISION IMPOSSIBLE FOR A FEW MOMENTS. CHARLIE JUMPS OUT OF HIS CAR AND CALLS INTO THE DUST]
CHARLIE:
ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?
[HE CAN SEE A SHADOWY FIGURE SLOWLY EMERGING FROM THE BEETLE]
CHARLIE:
HELLO, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT THERE?
FIGURE:
YES I’M FINE ACTUALLY
[CHARLIE IS STUNNED AND STARES BACK INTO HIS BMW]
FIGURE:
I’M FINE REALLY. I WAS PROBABLY DRIVING TOO FAST ANYWAY
[CHARLIE CANNOT SAY ANYTHING BUT STANDS RIGID STARING AT THE SAT NAV. THE DUST GRADUALLY CLEARS AND THEY CAN SEE EACH OTHER]
ADEONA (THE FIGURE):
CHARLIE, CHARLIE, IS THAT YOU?
CHARLIE:
NEVER MIND ME (POINTING TO THE SAT NAV) IS THAT YOU?
[ADEONA WALKS UP TO HIM AND LOOKS IN AT THE DEVICE]
ADEONA:
OH YOU’VE FOUND ME OUT THEN?
[CHARLIE IS SPEECHLESS]
ADEONA:
GOTTA EAT; COLOURFUL TONES AND FLAWLESS DICTION – REMEMBER? THAT’S WHY THEY HIRED ME. PAYS RATHER WELL; CHARLIE, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT? (PAUSE) WHY WOULDN’T YOU SEE ME?
CHARLIE (NOW SMILING):
OH, I GUESS I ALWAYS KNEW WE’D BUMP INTO EACH OTHER AGAIN.
[PAUSE]
I’M HUNGRY.
ADEONA:
I WAS TRYING TO FIND A PLACE MYSELF
CHARLIE:
LET’S GO TOGETHER
[ADEONA PARKS HER VW UP IN A SMALL GRASS NICHE BY A GATE AND CLIMBS INTO CHARLIE’S BMW]
ADEONA:
DO YOU THINK THE FARMER WILL MIND?
CHARLIE:
I’M SURE THERE’S MORE THAN ONE WAY TO GET TO THE FIELD
[HE STARTS TO DRIVE OFF]
SAT NAV: FOLLOW THIS ROAD UNTIL YOU REACH THE NEXT JUNCTION
ADEONA:
DO WE HAVE TO HAVE THAT ON?
CHARLIE:
WHY NOT? LET’S SEE WHERE YOU TAKE US.

FADE