How Fragile We Are.

Many years ago, I had a lovely manager, I remember one evening asking her, “Do you want a drink?” She replied, “Yes please,” Then she added, “Can I have it in the wide yellow Cup?” I said, “Sure,” Louisa said, “That yellow cup, makes me feel good, looking at it and drinking from it." That was the first time I thought of a cup of been special and good for my wellbeing. From then onwards, my eyes were opened to something new.

I remember buying a lovely cup from Boots, many years ago. For the last fifteen years or so, I have hand picked individual cups or mugs for myself. Cups that mean something to me in size, shape, and design. I would not buy a pack of six identical cups, there would be nothing special about that to me, at all.

I mainly buy my cups from TKMaxx now, but in the past, I have bought them from fabulous, jumble sales, car boots or amazing charity shops. I love stoneware, rustic, different shades of grays, or any colour that takes my fancy. I love small cups, and quirky cups, the smaller the better. Not all my cups are small.

I have a lovely shelf at home, where I display my small cups, quirky cups, and small flasks.

A week ago, I was in TKMaxx and I saw a fabulous blue and white cup. It was SO quirky. It was white with lots of small tiny striking blue squares on it. In each blue square, inside it was a small white hole, next to the square was a circle, a circle with a white background with a blue dot inside the circle. This pattern was repeated all around the cup. The squares, they were not uniformed, in the pattern, but beautiful in the way it looked. I love navy and white. When looking at this mug from above, it was not round! The shape was a very, very soft triangle, SO unusual. The price was expensive for a cup, so I looked at it, thoroughly and decided to put it back, and carry on browsing. If an item, keeps coming back to my mind, as I look around, then sometimes I go back to look at it again, as I am sometimes, in that shop, that one shop, for two to three hours or more. I might then pop back, and put it in my shopping trolly, so no one else can get it, while I think about it.

I went back and looked at it again, it was still lovely. At TKMaxx’s price of £5.50 it was very dear; I have never bought a cup for that price. So, I would have to weigh up the pros and cons, of would it be worth it, for my happiness.

I decided, it was worth it, there was not another one like it, and it made me feel good. I would add it to my collection. I was happy. I added washing up liquid at home and boiling water and left it like that all night.

The following morning, having washed and dried it, I added my chocolate powder and tinned milk, making it into a paste. I added boiling water and I stirred. It looked wonderful, I had to take a picture! I then sat down and holding my lovely mug in both hands I took my first sip. It was delicious. I had chosen well. I took it with me to my Mum’s as I was with her the following day. There having had the same, hot chocolate and tinned milk, as it was my first drink of the day. I took a picture. That same day, I took my lovely new cup to work. There I made a lovely strong cuppa; I took another photo.

I had informed a new staff member, “How close I lived to work,” Malachi, said, “Let me time you, from when you leave the car park to your road,” I replied, “OK.” I said, “I think I live about ninety seconds from work.” I said, to Malachi, “When I am about to drive off, I will text you, and when I arrive home, I will text you.” Malachi replied, “OK.”

I had come straight from my Mum’s where I had been from the morning. I had brought my own food, so that I would not have to use Mum’s. I then went straight to work, so my bag was extra full, I had to make sure I had enough food to last me all day, from morning until night.

Usually, my cup that I decide to take to work that day, is always safely in my padded duffle bag, not touching my specially chosen dish also from TKMaxx, making sure there is a plastic bottle of salad cream between them.

Malachi had asked me, “Will you drive fast?” I replied, “No there will be little traffic, so I will drive at a normal speed.”

I went to my car; I had decided to hold my precious cup in my hand, by the handle, for safety reasons. I did not want it to fall out of my very full bag. There were various things sticking out, already, my glasses case, my cute knife fork and spoon set in its case, given to me by a colleague, who knows I like quirky things including knife fork and spoons travel sets and various biscuits and food.

I put my bag on the seat next to me in the car and I put my precious new blue and white cup next to the bag, next to me. At first, I was going to put the cup by the door, but I thought ahead, that when I opened my passenger door, it would fall out. I put my cup the other side of my bag, knowing it was snug safe in the indent of the seat.

I have a competitive streak, and although I said I would not drive fast, I must admit I did, for I was sure when I set off, having sent him a text to say, “I leave now,” I drove a tad faster than I normally would have. I didn’t expect there to be so many cars at that time of the night.

Although I went faster than normal, I was still under the 30mph speed limit. I turned the corner to my street and pulled up to my home, I was keen to text Malichi back. As I braked, my cup went forward off the seat, and landed on my full rounded metal, rock hard, crook lock below, with a loud THUD! I thought, that didn’t sound good. Malachi, had said, “I will time you.” I got my mobile and text, “Arrived.” He texts back, “That was one minute and twenty-three seconds, SO quick.”

My mind was elsewhere, if my lovely cup was not broken, then this drop would not have done it much good. I leaned forward and picked it up, there was a small chip on the side of it. I was gutted. I looked for it on the floor of my car, and couldn’t see, it. It would make no difference to me, if I could find it, even though I did look for a minute. What could I possibly do with it if I found it? If I showed it to Paul, he would try and glue it back on, but to me, it wouldn’t be the same, it would not be special anymore. I held it in my hand and just looked at it, all I had now was pictures of it. I did think, I could find a place on my special shelf of special items dear to me, and turn it around and no one would notice or know. I would know, and so I simply left it there in the front of my car on the floor and went indoors, defeated.

What had I gained that night? Why didn’t I put it on the back seat? Why didn’t I put it on the floor of the car? Why didn’t I make space for it inside of my bag and leave the food on the floor of the car instead? Nothing made me feel better. I was sad.

I thought of three things that night. The Culture in Japan where a broken vase is put back together with gold. But I only had this cup a few days, and I’d only spent £5.50 on it. And I don’t have any gold, and even if I did, I would not have put gold on it and add the sliver piece to fix it.

I also thought of the child in America who went to the wrong house to get his twin brothers and the home owner shot him in the head and when he fell to the ground shot him again in the arm.

I thought of my dear friend, whose husband has stage four cancer, and he was rushed to hospital.

I compared the three, and even though I was sad, perspective was key. It is just a Cup.

I went to a large TKMaxx yesterday, I did look to see if I saw my blue and white cup, I did not.

Kintsugi is the Japanese art of putting broken pottery pieces back together with gold – built on the idea that in embracing flaws and imperfections, you can create an even stronger, more beautiful piece of art.

Blue and white CUP.

GOLD added to broken vase.

RALPH YARL age 16.

Friend with STAGE 4 CANCER.

How Fragile We Are.