My Uncle's One Night Stands

"Break rules in relationships
my uncle told me,
frowning when I started going out
with the girl next door.

"I once dated a Russian gymnast
he told me. "She didn't speak a word of English
nor I of Russian
but it did not matter one bit.

I lost my virginity to a forty year old
when in was fifteen.
I have never been so drunk since.

I had a one night stand
with a Pakistani diplomat
while I was travelling through Asia.
She had the biggest tits
I have ever come across.

I once had an affair with an actor;
he would recite his lines moments before a play
while I sucked him off.
I cupped his balls as he reached
the rhyming couplets.

The Policewoman that arrested me
for being drunk an attacking a politician
became my first wife.
I left her for a teenage single mother.
I can't believe
he told me,
emptying his pipe
"I once dated someone working class.