Charlie’s Tall Tale

Charlie’s Tall Tale

By Paul McCann

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X0hWM_cATws

 

 

Evening came and the streets lights came on around the harbour . Rain fell upon the river and corrugated ripples scattered themselves over the surface of the river . In a short passage of time the ripples turned into small waves as the wind almost became a hurricane that rushed its way through the town .

A lonely figure bravely made his way across the bridge over the river hanging on to his hat . In desperation he held on to a lamppost to regain his balance and in doing so the wild wind lifted the hat from his head . The old man attempted to go after the  hat but the wind had other ideas and lifted the hat high up into the air before dumping it into the water below that ran underneath the bridge .

After a while he crossed over the bridge and made his way up the hill , past the church and finally to the front door of a small parlour house placed a key into the lock and it opened with a assisted push from the wind that almost took the door off its hinges . He takes off the coat that’s dripping with rain water and throws it on the floor in the corner off the hall .

Charlie - “Tell you, what a day I’ve had “

Midge - “Charlie what’s the matter . Where’s your hat .”

Charlie - “Me hat , don’t talk about me hat Midge .”

Midge - “Charlie, you didn’t get into another fight did you ?”

Charlie - “I didn’t get in another fight but I’ll tell you what . I may as well have been “

Midge - “Charlie what do you mean ?”

Charlie - “I mean the wind Midge , it took me hat . It blew it to America like  .“

Midge - “Calm down now Charlie . I‘ll make you a cup of tea.”

Charlie -”I don’t want a cup of tea . I want me hat .”

Midge- “Don’t be like that Charlie .“

Charlie- “Wait ‘til I tell you Midge . You’ve no idea . Listen to me now ”

Midge –“I’m listening Charlie”’

Charlie-”That wind out there , it nearly took me a threw me in the river , I was chasing after me hat all over the town . “

Midge –“”Charlie , I’ve been worried sick all day . Where have you been ?”

 

Charlie- “ It’s like this Midge . I went out this morning to the chapel to see Father McCarthy.”

 

Midge –“Are you all right Charlie, what did you have to see the priest Charlie “

 

Charlie- ‘ He was asking me if I could call out the bingo numbers on Friday and I told him I’d think about it and let him know .“

Midge –“Are you going to call the numbers then Charlie ?“

Charlie- “ Well it’s like this Midge . I will if he lets me call them in Latin .’’

Midge –“Why do want to call the numbers in Latin Charlie ?”

Charlie-“I was thinking Midge it might help the Catholics to have a better chance”

Midge –“So did you tell him Charlie ?“

 

Charlie-“ Wait til I tell you , I never even got to the Chapel . I was followed by a dog  with a collar and it wouldn’t go away . I told it to go home Midge but it just kept following me .“

Midge –“Charlie maybe it liked you . They say dogs are sensitive about things . “

Charlie-“I wish it had been sensitive about me hat . It wasn’t around when the wind blew into the town .“

 

Midge –“Charlie don’t be getting upset about your hat again . Tell me about the dog

What did you do to get it from following you .“

Charlie-“I didn’t do anything , it was the widow Murphy . She come out of the house and threw a bucket of water over the dog and it run away with the tail between its legs . “

Midge –“What made her do that Charlie ‘”

Charlie-“It was like an accident . She had a problem with a leaking pipe in her bathroom so she had been saving all the water in a bucket all morning and it was kind of just by chance that I was walking past at the time when she emptied the bucket of water into the street ‘“

 

Midge –“What a bit of luck that was . So the dog stopped following you Charlie.“

Charlie-“It did Midge . So to thank her in return I said I’ve have a look at her leaking pipe .:

Midge –“Sure you’re a good man Charlie looking after the widow Murphy .“

Charlie-“Any ways in I go and up the ladder I went . “

Midge –“Don’t tell me you’re up a ladder now Charlie . That’s awful dangerous. “

Charlie -“ It was and I nearly slipped off Midge .“

Midge –“Don’t tell me anymore  Charlie .“

Charlie –“ I was in an awful mess . Shaking and all and so she offered me a little something to calm me nerves ‘

 

Midge “What did she offer you Charlie “

Charlie –“A drop of the creature . Now I know it was early like but I was having palpitations with the near fall off the ladder . “

Midge “Well did it help you then Charlie. “

Charlie –“ Well it did help me to settle down . I must be honest .“

Midge “ What about the drip Charlie “

Charlie –“ Well it needed fixing all right so I had to get a fitting from the plumbers in the town “

Midge –“Sure you’re a decent man looking after the widow Murphy. “

Charlie –“ Tell you Midge . I know it must be hard for her after losing Mick just a few month’s back . That’s why I wanted to lend her a hand ‘“ 

Midge “ So what did you do then Charlie .“

Charlie –“ I was just about to head off to the plumbers shop and it was then she offered to make me  breakfast ”

Midge “ Sure she can’t cook that well  .“

Charlie –“ You’re telling me she took the box of cornflakes and she’s looking for directions on the box so I told her not to worry . Then she pours them in the frying pan . So I told her I that I had to go .“

 

Midge-“Charlie you don’t want fried cornflakes .“

 

Charlie –“I got out just in time Midge .  I told her I’d drop in later and see how the pipe is . “

 

Midge-‘That’s was wise off you Charlie and then what happened ?”

 

Charlie –“ That’s when I went outside and saw the wind coming ”

Midge “Charlie you can’t see the wind “

Charlie –“I saw some papers and stuff getting tossed around into the air so I knew it was bad like . Next thing I knew me hat was lifted off me head and I’ve been chasing it around all over the place like a mad man .”

Midge-“ What a time you’ve had Charlie “

Charlie –“I was so distracted with it all I called into the pub and had a few little ones to calm me  self down Midge , which is not something I would do everyday as you know Midge .

Midge-“ What happened then Charlie “

Charlie –“Well now after I had settled I decided to come home now . So here I am “

Midge “Charlie it’s good to have you home . Put your feet up now and I’ll cook you a feed and it won’t be fried cornflakes  .‘

Charlie –“I might have that cup of tea now Midge “

Midge - “ Coming up Charlie .“