Its All Fair In The End Game

I first met Firbog on a Belfast back street during a riot in 1968.
The British Army had rounded up about a dozen people during the disturbance . I just happened to be on my way home from training at the boxing club when the trouble broke out .
Firbog just happened to be coming back from the pub .
We were both pulled by the Brits and questioned .
Then as the gunfire started we were told to remain .
As Firbog and I stood talking for a half hour we shared a few jokes .
When the British Army weren't looking Firbog and I made funny faces behind their back .
Every time we did I began to laugh and was told to place my hands against the wall . I couldn't help myself and had a fit of laughter and that started
Firbog who laughed and laughed .
We must have stood there for about three hours with our hands stretched out against a brick wall and our legs spread apart .
When Firbog was body searched I saw him pick pocket the soldier who was searching him . He slipped the cigarettes and lighter into his own pocket without anyone noticing . I couldn't help but notice .
I saw exactly what he was up to and watched him like a hawk .
Suddenly Firbog winked his eye and quickly grabbed the rifle from the British Soldier who was standing near us .
There was panic when Firbog pointed it the rifle to his own head and said ,

"Listen if you don't let me go I'll pull the trigger . I'd be better off dead if I don't get to see my poor Mother's who is at this very moment on her death bed in the City Hospital . I just have to get to the hospital immediately ok . "

Immediately one of the soldiers called over the officer in command and spoke to him . The major called a Saracen and ordered the driver to bring Firbog to the hospital . He spoke to Firbog in a quiet and relaxed tone of voice .

"Right then . You better go . Sorry for the inconvenience sir . "

Firbog put down the rifle and then he handed it back to the soldier who was relieved to get his weapon back . Then Firbog pointed to me and said to the major .

"Listen here Chief . This is my cousin Jim and he has to come with me to the hospital as well . Ok ."

"Ok chaps . You're free to go ."
The major replied .

Firbog and myself got in to the Saracen and he waved goodbye to the Major who even waved back . I was amazed by all of what had just happened .
Anyway after twenty minutes the Saracen stooped and we were let out at Belfast City Hospital .

That's just the way it was and as he turned to walk away towards the town centre I asked ,
"What about your dying Mother ?

Oh don't worry . She died about ten years ago. "
He replied .

"What ? "
I asked him in a shocked reply .

He looked at me and smiled . Then he said .
"Listen Jim . The way it was . I got sick of standing around there with the Brits so I had to do something ."

I started to laugh as we walked towards the city centre but stopped when we heard some more gunfire . Firbog stood in front of a bus and raised his hands and pulled it up . He told the driver that the bus was being hi-jacked .
The driver left the bus and asked no questions .
Firbog got behind the wheel and told me to get in and then said ,
"Where to ?

" Anywhere we can get a drink ".
I replied

"Ok Jim . I'll buy you the first pint . "
"Right Firbog . I'll buy you the next . "
Firbog took off down through the centre of town and roared along Crumlin Road past the prison .
"Do you know where the brake is on these things ?
Firbog asked .

"What "
I said .
"Oh don't worry . I'll get it stopped he said .

He threw the double decker bus sideways into a supermarket shop and completely demolished the place . We both got out the emergency exit and
he said ,

"Sorry about that Jim , I've never drove one of these new buses . All the controls are all weird . The old buses had gears and a clutch and this one has funny levers . At least we're here in one piece ."

The alarm was going off as we walked down to the Shamrock Club .
We took a seat in the club and had only started our first pint when a fight broke out . Firbog joined in and things pretty bad . He was throwing fists left right and centre without landing a blow and I had to step in .
It was on and the fight spilled out onto the street .
Firbog grabbed me by the arm and took me away out of there .
In while we stood outside an old shed in some spare ground and with a door just hanging to a hinge he opened it up and we fell inside .

"This is my place . Come in ."
He said .

We hadn't been in long when a huge dog ran over and almost knocked me to the floor .The Irish Wolfhound was called Seamus .
It started to lick the face of Firbog who shouted .
"No . Stop, that's enough .
The dog backed away .
We all soon became good friends something I had never had before .
We had something in common .
No one cared for us but ourselves and nothing mattered anymore .
Firbog was like myself alone and nobody's fool . We were two scholars from the old school of hard knocks .
A hungry lion in a concrete jungle fighting to survive the hard times and a stretcher of the truth with a blade on the edge of his tongue if you know what I mean . Firbog could cut you in two with his whit . He was a con man and a thief . He was a trickster with lots up his sleeve .

"Listen I have some business to talk about Jim "
Firbog said and for the rest of that night I listened to his ideas .
He had been doing little jobs on his own for a while and decided to bring in a parther . The though about becoming rich appealed to me and so I though I'd give it a go for a while .

"Well Jim its time . I think you're ready for the first job . We have a little bit of business to do today . So come with me Jim ?"
We walked into town and Firbog pointed out our victims . I approached a few of those people who seemed to be made of money and as I bumped into them Firbog had their pockets picked in that brief moment of distraction .
There were no rules attatched and we had teamed up to play . It was all fair game . we never cared about who we robbed and we learned to survive in the hard times that had come our way . We actually cashed in on them .
We made excuses for our conscience and had no comebacks .
We were so cute and crafty that we took the eyeballs out of their heads and spat in the holes . The wallets we stole usually provided us with an address and after contacting the owner we made arrangements to meet and hand back the lost wallet . While he was on his way to meet us we specialised in a special number we called door busters . Some times we made holes in the roof and broke in and broke out with a lot of money and other goods as a prize . The business was going like a house on fire .
I particularly liked the odd jobs we did .
Like the repairs on old chimneys above the shops .
That was a great number for us .
It involved pointing out leaning chimney to the proprietor of the building and informed about the danger to passers by . Then we gave a figure on legal costs should any one be injured by a falling chimney . Now there were lots of leaning chimneys all over town . Usually they only required one brick under the first row to straighten them up but we exaggerated the amount of work required . Each job made us about two hundred quid . All we needed was the price of a brick and a bit of mortar . It was a great money maker .
It was better than getting cash advances for jobs we never done . It was even better than faking falls for insurance claims . It was providing a service to the community . We were making the pavements a safe place to walk .

Then there was the little electronic number .
All we had to do was go from shop to shop until we found a till with the sign we were looking for . Most shops these days have tills with a Led display . Sometimes a part of the digit was missing usually on the number eight for some reason . Anyway we quoted about fifty quid to fix it up . The part itself only cost fifty pence but when we explained to the proprietor that the till was on its last legs they usually gave us the go ahead . If one of the shop keepers refused to bite we went on to explain the cost of a new till and how difficult it would be to run a business without a till that worked after a while they came around to see out point of view . So each till normally brought us about fifty quid . We often did a half a dozen in each village before moving on to the next place .

Firbog showed me how to rob the post office with a screw driver in his pocket the only thing he didn't count on was the police man walking in during the robbery . Firbog was shot and I made a run for it .
That night on the news there was the story about the armed robbery .
Firbog had been killed and there was no mention about a screw driver .
In fact the news report told of the gun the robber had in his possession .

After Firbog was buried I started a new life and went straight .
From that day on I made a promise that I would never do and one wrong again . The main reason I had done it in the first place was for the friendship and fun . Now that Firbog was gone nothing really mattered anymore .
With all the money I was able to build a shelter for the homeless .
Over the years the Firbog Foundation helped many people who would have found life much too difficult to endure .

By Paul McCann

THE END