Its All Fair In The End Game

Its All Fair In The End Game

By Paul McCann

 

I first met Firbog on a Belfast back street during a riot in 1968. The British Army had rounded up about a dozen people during the disturbance . I just happened to be on my way home from training at the boxing club when the trouble broke out . Firbog just happened to be coming back from the pub .We were both pulled by the Brits and questioned .Then as the gunfire started we were told to remain

As Firbog and I stood talking for a half hour we shared a few jokes .

When the British Army weren’t looking Firbog and I made funny faces behind their back  .

Every time we did I began to laugh and was told to place my hands against the wall . I couldn’t help myself and had a fit of laughter and that started

Firbog who laughed and laughed .

We must have stood there for about three hours with our hands stretched out against a brick wall and our legs spread apart . 

When Firbog was body searched I saw him pick pocket the soldier who was searching him . He slipped the cigarettes and lighter into his own pocket without anyone noticing . I couldn’t help but notice . I saw exactly what he was up to and watched him like a hawk .Suddenly Firbog winked his eye and quickly grabbed the rifle from the British Soldier who was standing near us .There was panic when Firbog pointed it the rifle to his own head and said ,

“Listen if you don’t let me go I’ll pull the trigger . I’d be better off dead if I don’t get to see my poor Mother’s who is at this very moment on her death bed in the City Hospital . I just have to get to the hospital immediately ok . “

Immediately one of the soldiers called over the officer in command and spoke to him . The major called a Saracen and ordered the driver to bring Firbog to the hospital . He spoke to Firbog in a quiet and relaxed tone of voice .

“Right then . You better go . Sorry for the inconvenience sir . “

Firbog put down the rifle and then he handed it back to the soldier who was relieved to get his weapon back . Then Firbog  pointed to me and said to the major .

“Listen here Chief . This is my cousin Jim and he has to come with me to the  hospital as well . Ok .“

“Ok chaps . You’re free to go .“ The major replied .

Firbog and myself got in to the Saracen and he waved goodbye to the Major who even waved back . I was amazed by all of what had just happened .

Anyway after twenty minutes the Saracen stooped and we were let out at Belfast City Hospital .

That’s just the way it was and as he turned to walk away towards the town centre I asked ,

“What about your dying Mother ?”

 

”Oh don’t worry . She died about ten years ago. “ He replied .

“What ? “ I asked him in a shocked reply .

He looked at me and smiled . Then he said .

“Listen Jim . The way it was . I got sick of standing around there with the Brits so I had to do something .“

I started to laugh as we walked towards the city centre but stopped when we heard some more gunfire . Firbog stood in front of a bus and raised his hands and pulled it up . He told the driver that the bus was being hi-jacked .

The driver left the bus and asked no questions .

Firbog got behind the wheel and told me to get in and then said ,

“Where to ?”  “ Anywhere we can get a drink “.

I replied “Ok Jim . I’ll buy you the first pint . “

“Right Firbog . I’ll buy you the next  . “

Firbog took off down through the centre of town and roared along Crumlin Road past the prison .

“Do you know where the brake is on these things ? Firbog asked .

“What “ I said .

“Oh don’t worry . I’ll get it stopped he said .

He threw the double decker bus sideways into a supermarket shop and completely demolished the place . We both got out the emergency exit and he said ,

“Sorry about that Jim , I’ve never drove one of these new buses . All the  controls are all weird . The old buses had gears and a clutch and this one has funny levers . At least we’re here in one piece .“

 

The alarm was going off as we walked down to the Shamrock Club .

We took a seat in the club and had only started our first pint when a fight broke out  . Firbog joined in and things pretty bad . He was throwing fists left right and centre without landing a blow and I had to step in .

It was on and the fight spilled out onto the street .

Firbog grabbed me by the arm and took me away out of there .

In while we stood outside an old shed in some spare ground and with a door just hanging to a hinge he opened it up and we fell inside .

“This is my place . Come in .“ He said .

We hadn’t been in long when a huge dog ran over and almost knocked me to the floor .The Irish Wolfhound was called Seamus .

It started to lick the face of Firbog who shouted .

“No . Stop, that’s enough .”

The dog backed away .We all soon became good friends something I had never had before . We had something in common .No one cared for us but ourselves and nothing mattered anymore  .Firbog was like myself alone and nobody’s fool . We were two scholars from the old school of hard knocks .

A hungry lion in a concrete jungle fighting to survive the hard times and a  stretcher of the truth with a blade on the edge of his tongue if you know what I mean . Firbog  could cut you in two with his whit . He was a con man and a thief . He was a trickster with lots up his sleeve  .

“Listen I have some business to talk about Jim “

Firbog said and for the rest of that night I listened to his ideas .

He had been doing little jobs on his own for a while and decided to bring in a parther . The though about becoming rich appealed to me and so I though I’d give it a go for a while .

“Well Jim its time . I think you’re ready for the first job . We have a little bit of  business to do today . So come with me Jim ?“

We walked into town and Firbog pointed out our victims . I approached a few of those people who seemed to be made of money and as I bumped into them Firbog had their pockets picked in that brief moment of distraction .  

There were no rules attatched and we had teamed up to play . It was all fair game . we never cared about who we robbed and we learned to survive in the hard times that had come our way . We actually cashed in on them .

We made excuses for our conscience and had no comebacks .

We were so cute and crafty that we took the eyeballs out of their heads and spat in the holes . The wallets we stole usually provided us with an address and after contacting the owner we made arrangements to meet and hand back the lost wallet . While he was on his way to meet us we specialised in a special number we called door busters . Some times we made holes in the roof  and broke in and broke out with a lot of money and other goods as a prize . The business was going like a house on fire .

I particularly liked the odd jobs we did .

Like the repairs on old chimneys above the shops .

That was a great number for us .

It involved pointing out leaning chimney to the proprietor of the building and informed about the danger to passers by . Then we gave a figure on legal costs should any one be injured by a falling chimney . Now there were lots of leaning chimneys all over town . Usually they only required one brick under the first row to straighten them up but we exaggerated the amount of work required . Each job made us about two hundred quid . All we needed was the price of a brick and a bit of mortar . It was a great money maker .

It was better than getting cash advances for jobs we never done . It was even better than faking falls for insurance claims . It was providing a service to the community . We were making the pavements a safe place to walk .

Then there was the little electronic number .

All we had to do was go from shop to shop until we found a till with the sign we were looking for . Most shops these days have tills with a Led display . Sometimes a part of the digit was missing usually on the number eight for some reason . Anyway we quoted about fifty quid to fix it up . The part itself only cost fifty pence but when we explained to the proprietor that the till was on its last legs they usually gave us the go ahead . If one of the shop keepers refused to bite we went on to explain the cost of a new till and how difficult it would be to run a business without a till that worked after a while they came around to see out point of view . So each till normally brought us about fifty quid . We often did a half a dozen in each village before moving on to the next place .

Firbog showed me how to rob the post office with a screw driver in his pocket the only thing he didn’t count on was the police man walking in during the robbery . Firbog was shot and I made a run for it .

That night on the news there was the story about the armed robbery .

Firbog had been killed and there was no mention about a screw driver .

In fact the news report told of the gun the robber had in his possession .

 

After Firbog was buried I started a new life and  went straight . From that day on I made a promise that I would never do and one wrong again . The main reason I had done it in the first place was for the friendship and fun . Now that Firbog was gone nothing really mattered anymore .

With all the money I was able to build a shelter for the homeless .Over the years the Firbog Foundation helped many people who would have found life much too difficult to endure .

THE END