Father.

https://pixabay.com/en/users/laterjay-1627906/

              Via https://pixabay.com/en/family-hiking-father-and-son-father-1784512/

 

Father

 

Why can’t I get along with my children,what is it I have done wrong

Have I not treated you right all the way along

Did I not feed and clothe,when asked to do

Why can I not get along with my children,this I ask of you

 

As I search within my mind,for where it went amiss

Did I treat them with disrespect,and say most of their efforts were useless

Did I knock and tear their self esteem,and cut them to the core

Did I find fault and criticize,until they could take no more

 

But can they understand,it's because of the type of man I am

An alcoholic,at one time fairly chronic

I used to drink like that to overcome feelings of self loathing,self hate,and discontent

When my self confidence and self esteem were laying on the floor

 

Is this what my own Father did to me,they way he hardly spoke,or even joked

Ignored me like I wasn't even there,see

Maybe too he was a man of unease

Perhaps he too,had this disease

 

How can I be a better Father to these children of mine

How can I build them up,to make their lives shine

I’ve tried psychiatrists,and much religion too

But nothing is of any use,nothing seems to do

 

How can I recover this relationship of my children and I

God alone knows,it at times,makes me cry

Is it too late now,is it all gone too far amiss

I wish I had the answer Lord,but I’m lost in some deep abyss

 

Will my children forgive and move on,so we can get along

I cannot help my insecurity,jealousy,and envious ways

It just comes out inappropriately on oh so many days

Sometimes I do regret

But it's just these feelings and words are what's inside my head

 

It's by cutting others down,and making them feel small

To see them roll around in pain,it helps to build my walls

As I leave them fumbling and reeling on the floor,there pain is my gain

As I head to out,not to the pub,but out the bloody door

 

I go to my AA meetings every other week

Will I find the answers here,the ones it is I seek

Not very likely in these meetings here

Cause the people here are as banjaxed as I,and some decidedly queer

Let me make that clear,if ever there was a club of the blind leading the blind

You’ll certainly find it here

 

So what is I can do,to find some inner peace

Some self love and self acceptance,so I ain't  such a beast

Where will I find the answer,this I do not know

But I hope it comes real quick,before it's all too late

Please Lord,let the answers flow.