Bloody nora...

Absolutely unbelievable! I'm making my happy way to Nottingham on
the train from my little hometown of Newark. There are no stops in
between the two towns and I'm sure everyone on the train is aware of
that fact. However, when the guard/conductor gets to me, things take on
their normal surreal twists.

"A return from Newark to Nottingham, please." I said to the conductor,
which I didn't think was terribly confusing.
"A return to Nowhere?" said the conductor.
"No, not to nowhere"; I retortred,"Nottingham!"
"So, that'll be a single one way to Nottingham then."
"NO! It's quite simple. A return from Newark to NOTTINGHAM,
PLEASE!"

How many times a day does he issue the same fare? How often in a week
does he receive that specific request? And yet, when I ask for it you'd
think I'd asked him to part the giraffes so I could smell the time more
easterly. How utterly irritating and what's more, I looked around to
see people staring at me, as if I am the nutter! Bugger it! Why can't
life be simpler? Or at the very least, less crap?