The contest of life

The demand for a place in Scoil Realt na Mara, the school I once went to, has grown exponentially. Since the completion of the new housing estate nearby, a place there is like gold dust. There are only 60 spaces for junior infants in the coming year: 2022-2023, and the enrolment date started on the 1^st of November 2021. It will become clear to a me that my Jacqui received a place on 28^th January 2022. When I got the letter, I jumped around the room. I yearned for her to wander the halls that I once wandered and experience the wondrous things that I experienced in my eight years there as a child.

Across the road from me lives one of my fellow alumni of the school, a girl who was in the opposite class to me, Grainne. She also got the news that her Joshua would be joining the school in September. When I heard I said nothing and just pursed my lips.

Myself and Grainne have been in competition with each other since the day we moved in. We had the moving vans at our respective houses on the same day. She invited me and my husband, Steve, to dinner not a week later. I graciously accepted of course, not wanting to seem bitter.

We arrived at Grainne and her husband, Jeff’s, house with a bottle of wine expecting boxes everywhere as that was how our house looked. We were met however with a smile only an orthodontist could provide, and everything was put away and had its place. As we walked in, I hit Steve on the upper arm and mouthed, ‘where are all the boxes?’ He shrugged his shoulders and followed Jeff into what was the sitting room.

As our houses were identical to each other’s, Grainne didn’t need to give the tour, but she did anyway. I walked around the pristine looking house with her and thought only of my own where there was a sea of boxes. I was amazed at how everything was clean and she even had pictures hanging on the walls. When we returned to the men, Steve looked relieved. As Jeff was a in IT and Steve being a contractor, they were like chalk and cheese and seemed to not have found common ground.

We sat down to dinner and I complemented Grainne on her cooking.

‘Oh stop,’ she said, ‘I just whipped this up! You should see what I can make when I have the time!’

I looked at Steve wide eyed and drank some wine.

‘I like all of the pictures you have dotted on the wall going up the stairs!’

‘Yea, we have been blessed to have the opportunity to travel with Jeffs work!’ Grainne replied.

‘But I thought Jeff was a in IT!’

‘He is! He was the one who came up with……’ I tuned her out and sipped my wine, ‘…...and so we get to go to glorious places!’’

‘Great!’ I smiled a smile of derision, drained my glass and yawned.

‘Well it was a lovely dinner but I think me and Steve need to go home now as we both have work in the morning!’

‘But there’s desert!’ Grainne smiled.

I audibly rolled my eyes and asked for more wine.

 

As we chatted in bed, later that night, I asked Steve, ‘who has time to make a successful chocolate fondant after only moving into the house five days ago?’ as I rubbed my hands together after applying hand cream.

‘I know!’ Steve answered, ‘and I still have absolutely no idea what the dude does for work!’

‘I tuned out as she was explaining!’

Steve gently hit me on the arm….’me too!’

We both put in our mouth guards, kissed each other goodnight and went to sleep.

 

Three months later, there were still boxes in the rooms we didn’t use quite yet. When we found out that we were pregnant, all I wanted to do was cross the street and announce it to Grainne, rub her nose in the fact that our family was about to start growing. I asked her over for dinner and even though my cooking was shoddy, I had mastered lasagne.

As I looked out the window to see when they left the house, I screamed, ‘incoming!’ as they closed their front door. Steve fixed his shirt and I fought back the urge to vomit, my morning sickness acting up.

I said to Steve, ‘why do they call it morning sickness when you get it all day?’ It was a mystery to me.

‘Focus!’ he reprimanded me and opened the door just as Grainne and Jeff were about to knock.

Grainne handed me him lovely bouquet of flowers announcing that she didn’t bring wine because she was pregnant. I looked at Steve who was rolling his eyes as he handed me the bouquet. They hadn’t even crossed the threshold and she had announced the news that I wanted to rub her face in.

‘So are we!’ Steve said in a tone I had never heard him use before.

It was on, the competition was firing up.

Grainne announced that her due date was the 8^th of April. Steve replied that ours was the 7^th, even though it was the 9^th. He was a very competitive man was Steve, he didn’t like to be bet in anything, not poker, or pool, or even laying bricks on the building site that were nothing but level. He shot daggers at me, and I knew that he was on board…. we officially hated Grainne and Jeff!

As I served up the lasagne, Grainne announced that she was only eating vegan food because it was better for the baby.

‘Is the lasagne vegan?’

‘Of course!’ I lied and she couldn’t tell the difference.

The evening was dominated by Grainne and how she had read three baby books already. We had four on our kindles, but I was reading a book by James Patterson that I was bet into and Steve was reading a Jeffrey Deaver book. We both figured that the baby books were only there to frighten us by telling us what to expect. We were more hands on type of people who learned things by doing.

‘We have read four!’ Steve announced and looked me dead in the eye. He was determined to get one up on the snobby bitch.

They went on to say how Jeffs work were taking them to Bora Bora for eight nights. Me and Steve locked eyes and realised that we couldn’t compete with that, so we listened to the whiney sound that came out of the bitch we both hated as she broke down their upcoming trip.

 

That night, Steve had his head on my belly and was talking to the foetus.

‘Could you please, if at all possible, come on the 7^th of April and not the 9^th as planned? We want to win a pissing contest with the neighbours across the street!’

I laughed listening to him talk to our unborn child.

‘Oh, and could you please be bigger than their baby too, we really want to be able to rub their nose in something!’

He moved his head close to mine and kissed me goodnight.

‘Organic my ass,’ I said, making him giggle.

 

April came around and, unlike Steve had asked, the baby remained firmly in my uterus until the 11^th of April. Thankfully Grainne’s baby hadn’t made an appearance either, so when the contractions started, the baby bag in the boot of the car, Steve, who ended up being the best at the Lamaze classes in my opinion, was helping me breathe as he coached me into the vehicle. I had noticed that all the lights in Grainne’s house were off and that the car was gone, but as the contractions worsened, my mind was plainly on the drugs that I had said I wanted to receive at the birth.

We were guided into a semi private room, as all the private rooms were in use….and who were we sharing the room with?  None other than Grainne and Jeff!

Jeff piped up to Steve that Grainne was 8 cm along. Steve lied and said that I was 9. I giggled to myself at how serious Grainne and Jeff were.

When Steve returned to my side, I crunched his hand so hard that I heard a pop followed by a scream. I paid no heed however as I was in so much pain.

When baby Jacqui arrived at 11:41 the next day, Steve, with his hand beginning to swell, kissed the top of my head and then the top of hers. Nothing could take this moment away from us…well almost nothing…. Grainne was wheeled back into the semi-private room and Jeff was boasting that his Joshua came into the world at 11:37.

Steve nearly blew a gasket. I grabbed his arm and gesticulated towards his daughter and asked him in a hushed tone to enjoy this time we had together. He nodded and smiled as he pointed out that she had his chin. I thought to myself, ‘God love this poor child!’ and smiled in agreement.

 

The years that followed were dominated by Joshua and Jacqui and all of their firsts. Of course Joshua was superior in leaps and bounds over our Jacqui according to Grainne. I was sickened to the stomach when she mentioned that he was a ‘child prodigy’. I was delighted with my Jacqui and didn’t feel the need to compete with Grainne anymore after I fell pregnant with John, and then James not long after.

My life was a competition when Jacqui arrived but Grainne looked at us with pursed lips every time we tried getting in and out of the people carrier that only played educational music.

 

We decided to be the bigger people after James was born and invited Grainne, Jeff and Joshua over for a playdate. Grainne had a prissy face on her as when she entered alone, as Jeff was away on business. I was just about to change James, who for some reason, wouldn’t stop pooping.

Grainne began to say, ‘my Joshua never….’ But I stopped her in her tracks telling John to get down off the table he had just climbed on to.

‘Sorry, what?’ I asked the perturbed Grainne. ‘My Joshua never climbed up on the table!’ she said in a snobbish manner.

‘Well my John is building up his muscles so that one day he can join his daddy on the construction site!’ I answered slyly.

‘Do you not want more from John?’ Grainne asked.

I looked at her with a furrowed brow, ‘had my Steve not created the company he works in, you little lady would be standing in a pool of rubble rather than your beautiful house!’

‘What?’ she asked dumbfounded.

‘Steve owns the company who built these houses! And I would be proud of my son to grow up with the same work ethic as his father!’

That shut Grainne up for a minute.

‘My Joshua got into the school we once went to!’ she said puffing out her chest with pride.

‘As did my Jacqui!’ I smiled.

‘So our kids will be going to the same school?’ she asked confused.

‘Yes!’ I said as I lay James down to change his nappy. ‘They might even be in the same class!’ I boasted. Grainne remained silent.

‘Well,’ I started, ‘you think you’ll have more kids?’

‘Why would I?’ she asked perturbed, ‘my Joshua is perfect!’

‘You don’t just stop because you have one “perfect” child!’ I informed her, ‘you have kids for the journey. Take James here,’ I said pointing to my six-month-old baby, ‘when he laughs because John blows raspberries on his tummy after bath time, my heart grows bigger than I ever thought possible. Jacqui is a talented gymnast. Yes, the place she goes to smells of feet, but I couldn’t help but applaud when she achieved that tumble that she has been trying to perfect for weeks now. Can you say anything like that about your Joshua?’

‘He has begun to play the piano!’ she says, searching for other achievements she needs to boast about.

‘Can he swim?’ I asked her, trying to give an olive branch.

‘No!’ Grainne says pushing her chest out, ‘I wouldn’t have Joshua in a germ-infested pool!’

‘That’s what the chlorine is there for,’ I inform her. ‘We’re taking our lot to the pool on Saturday for a lesson, I’m sure there would be room for Joshua!’

‘I don’t want him getting sick!’

I lift James up all clean and fresh and quickly handed him to Grainne as I ran to get John off the table again. She holds my now crying baby like you would a dog. She has both hands on him yet isn’t bringing him towards her chest, she is just looking at him with those pursed lips I have become accustomed to witness.

As I take the crying baby out of her arms and rub his back as I hold him close, I sit on the sofa and pat the seat next to me, indicating that I want her to sit. She looks down her nose at the cherios dotted on the fabric and the stains that go with three children under five.

‘I’d rather stand!’ she says snobbishly.

‘Ok,’ I say with wide eyes, a sense of judgement washing over me. ‘You need to let Joshua integrate into life!’

‘What?’ she says looking at me like I have three heads.

‘Joshua needs the company of other kids before he starts school!’

‘I think not!’ she said with a furrowed brow.

‘Look at him!’ I instruct her.

‘He’s doing a puzzle!’ she smiled.

‘Now look at my three!’ I instruct her.

‘They are running around like children!’ she says not getting the point I am making.

‘Exactly…. like children!’

‘What?’ she asks confused.

‘They are children! They need the company of other children to grow into successful adults! They need encouragement and the comradery that being with other children give them!’

‘I don’t see what this has to do with Joshua?’

‘Just bring him to the pool on Saturday and watch as he will begin to smile like a child should!’

Grainne looked confused.

‘I’m sick of competing with you!’ I tell her, ‘because I have three beautiful, happy children who know that winning and achievements aren’t what you run your life by! You live your life from day to day and celebrate the little things, the things that bring you joy!’

As I sit back on the worn-out dirty sofa, James on my lap trying to eat a wooden train, I smile. John comes in giggling as Jacqui runs after him trying to tickle him.

I think to myself as I look at Grainne, appalled at what she is seeing, that I have won!