Pure determination

Kevin was a dancer, a good one at that. He auditioned to be a cast member in Disney in Paris and was picked to be the character tigger, amongst other roles. For eighteen months his life was face paint and costumes. He loved to see the kids faces as he went over to them and they would think he was the real deal making their little faces light up.

When Kevin had enough, he came home to Dublin and had his toe dipped in many streams. As he was walking to work one sunny Tuesday, he was going over one of the routines he had to perform that day in his head, when a pedal cyclist mounted the footpath and knocked him over. To add insult to injury, the cyclist got back on their bike and sped off. As he lay on the ground, he knew there was something seriously wrong with his hip which was confirmed with a scan. His ligaments, muscles and tendons had completely detached from his hip and his career was put to rest at the tender age of twenty-four.

As Kevin met the consultant, he was given two options; either go straight away for surgery, or try physiotherapy first and then have surgery down the line. Either way, he was told he would never walk again without a cane. This crushed poor Kevin, but he was a firm believer of self-help was determined to prove the surgeon wrong. He opted for the second option, but after four months of being in pain and doing all the exercises he was given, his hip was no better and he had to have the surgery.

Two weeks after his operation, his aunt was getting married and he was determined to go, come hell or high water. He was in the passenger seat as his mother drove the three hours down the country. He cried in agony for at least two of them. Once he got out of the car, he was all smiles and kisses. He wasn’t going to let something like a bit of major surgery on your hip dampen down the first LGBTQ wedding of the family. Not only did he love and care for his aunt, but he was also a part of the LGBTQ community and was so proud to make it to her special day. Alcohol and good conversation with all the guests kept his mind off of the severity of the pain he was feeling.

No amount of alcohol, or wishful thinking, would take away the fact that he had to start his life over again and find a new career. When you have the mentality and drive to heal yourself, magic can happen! Six months after the surgery and Kevin hung up his cane.

Eight years later…

Kevin was living his best life. He always had a passion for dance and he wasn’t going to let anyone take that away from him. No, he wasn’t able to dance himself, but he was able to teach. He taught so well freelancing his talent with one of the major dance companies in Ireland, that in October 2021, they gave him a full-time position as ‘head of dance’ no less. In November 2021 Kevin wrote, choreographed, produced and directed a show for the dance company to perform in celebration that the arts were returning after covid. It was such a huge success that he was offered work in New York, London and Canada from it. Everyone wanted a piece of him. His heart always sided with his boss however, who believed in him so much that she had let him have free reign over the show and was promising him the stars.

On the 26^th of December 2021, Kevin was diagnosed with having covid. He quarantined himself in the den downstairs as it was right beside the downstairs loo and he had it kitted out to his liking. On the 4^th of January, he was free to move about the house again and was feeling a lot better. He continued to improve for three days after which he regressed and couldn’t breathe. His antigen tests were negative but he just could not breathe. He tried everything; he stuck his head between his knees, he put his head in a bowl of hot water for the steam and nothing seemed to work. At that stage he was getting scared. His positive thinking failed him and he was taken to D-Doc knowing that A&E would be packed. The doctor gave him steroids to help open up his lungs and an inhaler. He was told that ordinarily he would be in the back of an ambulance but that his status level was only orange and the hospital was treating status red exclusively, so he would be left on a chair in the waiting room for what might turn into days.

Coming out of the doctors, Kevin’s mother had to take the brunt of his weight, he was that weak. He was disgusted that he lived in a world where disease can clog up hospitals but knew in his heart that the steroids and inhaler would be enough to get him through this particular blip.

The blip lasted for three weeks however, and his whole world changed for a second time in his life when he was given the diagnosis of long covid. The hits just kept coming! The man looked after himself well; he ate right and was used to teaching dance classes for eight hours a day…...Where did he go wrong?

He refused to come out of his den for a couple of days whilst he processed the news. He was put on a waiting list for the long covid clinic in Beaumont, but you had to have it for six months before they would see you.

Kevin was deflated. He wasn’t sure what goodness could come out of this. That mentality was so not like him. He developed depression. After all, he couldn’t even walk up the stairs without passing out. That was when his mind clicked and he knew that he had to put mind over matter and do his utmost to battle this horrible condition.

He started with the stairs. The first time he did three steps before feeling dizzy so he stopped and sat down on the step until the machine he put on his finger to calculate the oxygen in his blood came to a satisfactory level. Then he walked down the three steps and made it into the den where he slept for the rest of the day because those three steps exhausted him so much. On average, at the time, he was sleeping twenty-two hours a day. He couldn’t follow a program or play the PlayStation as his memory and attention span were affected.

He wanted to build himself up so for those two precious hours he tried his best to do the things he loved…….and he pushed himself to boot!!

Kevin’s had the device to measure oxygen level so he said to himself that if it went below a certain number, he would stop what he was doing and go back into the den where he would sleep for hours.

Kevin absolutely loved to cook, so that was where he started on his way to rebuilding his strength. All he was able to do, at first, was to sit at the kitchen table and chop and prepare the vegetables. He felt good about himself when he was given a whole carrot that he peeled and cut julienne. He was back in the game.

He had his mother mithered for the sole reason to go to the beach. Kevin knew there were benches every five meters down there so he could walk from one to the other getting his breath back on each one. The first week his goal was to walk to one bench, sit, and then return to the car. The second week he walked to the nearest bench, sat, and instead of heading back to the car, he went and walked to the next bench as well. You have to be very disciplined to be a dancer and he was damned if he was going to be just this shell of a man and give up.

With each passing week, another bench was added to the route, not every day, but on the days he felt able. His goal was to get to the pub. He figured if he could walk to five benches and then two walls which were spaced about five meters apart also, that his reward would be a nice cold pint of Heineken. On week six he made it to the first wall. Then when the second wall was mastered, he smacked his lips together and hobbled into the pub across from the wall where he was rewarded with his well-deserved pint.

As his mother had to go with him on these walks for fear of him collapsing, Kevin could see her tearing up as he put the glass to his lips.

‘Mammy what’s wrong?’ Kevin asked with a furrowed brow.

‘I’m just so proud of you,’ she said. ‘You have taken something horrible that’s happening to you and are dealing with it with such grace. I know you have your bad days and that your body still needs a lot of rest and that we have a long way ahead of us, but most people would have given up by now. Now you have walked from the car to the pub!’ She wiped away her tears of joy and Kevin got up out of his seat to embrace his mother, his biggest cheer leader, in a hug. He began to cry himself.

Once he was seated again, Kevin composed himself. ‘I know most people don’t believe in it and a lot of people laugh when they hear the miniscule milestones I’m hitting, but I bring it all down to positive thinking. Yes, I woke up today and wanted to just lay on that couch and sleep, but I pushed myself and now I’m enjoying the best pint I have ever tasted!’ The pair of them held their glasses in the air and toasted to positive thinking.

Six months later…...

Kevin has come on leaps and bounds. He not only is able to go for his celebratory pints in the place beside the harbour, but he can walk there from his house. The days of counting the benches has long since gone. He goes for at least three walks a day now. He even enrolled himself in a martial arts class where you have two sticks and you fight with them kind of like fencing. He tried to do the kick boxing class but fainted the first time he went and had to convince the teacher of the class not to ring an ambulance as it was just the amount of oxygen in his blood was a bit low and his heart rate was too high.

It must be hell for Kevin who actively sees his friends progress in life with weddings and babies. Kevins progression from sleeping twenty-two hours in the day to doing martial arts is just as big considering the amount of time and energy he has given to his recovery and what he’s dealing with.

Covid is a fickle bitch…some only get a mild dose, others die from it. Then you’ve got people, like Kevin, who’s world has been turned upside down and inside out because of it. He has to get much better than where he is now before he will ever be able for work again. And even though he dare not admit it, I think he realises that being head of dance again is utterly impossible. His boss has been so good and is keeping his job open for him for the time being. Then again, with the attitude that if you believe in yourself and never give up fighting for your dream…...who knows???