Yard Sale Chapter 7

Chapter 7

‘Wow!’ Detective Spencer sighed as I wept into Ellen’s shoulder. ‘Powerful stuff!’ She said as I looked up and wiped my eyes. I could see officer Moore wipe a stray tear from his cheek. They both cleared their throats, one after the other. Ellen acted as if she was in shock. To be honest, I didn't blame her! It couldn't have been easy hearing your husband gave up on your son…and didn't even tell you about it. I knew I was in the wrong! But I made a choice, a choice in which I had to live with, a choice I believed protected my wife and daughter.

‘Do you have the address of the place you found James?’ Detective Spencer asked softly as she took out a pen and a piece of paper.

That place was etched in my mind. How could I ever forget it? That night, when I rang 911, the conversation I had with the operator reverberated in my brain for all these years.

‘11 Queens-brook Road’ I said with distain. It was as if I spat the address out! Detective Spencer wrote it down with a strong, squiggly line underneath.

‘Thank you, Patrick!’ She said, ‘I will look into that straight away!’ I nodded once, and closed my eyes.

Silence filled the air.

‘What did you do after you watched your son taken off in an ambulance?’ Officer Moore asked. My face twisted. ‘If you don't mind me asking sir, I mean Patrick.’ He said shaking his head looking as if he was learning on the job. I came to that conclusion because he glanced at Detective Spencer for reassurance, to which she nodded discreetly.

‘I cried!’ I answered quicker than I should have. Then I took a deep breath, let my feelings settle a bit before I finished my sentence, ‘then I came back to my girls, determined to have nothing more to do with my son.’ Officer Moore nodded, and bowed his head. ‘I always told my kids that I would love them no matter what…except when it came to drugs! I had very strong feelings about drugs!’

Ellen came out of a trance. ‘You always did drill into them that drugs were the devils plaything!’ I nodded as she began to cry again. When she stopped, she confessed something I never thought she knew! ‘I always believed it was something to do with drugs, being honest.’ She blew her nose in a tissue she fished from up her sleeve. ‘Patrick never did tell me why he suddenly finished searching for James. From his reaction, it was either drugs, or he was dead. It was easier for me to think him dead…but I always wondered about the what ifs. What if he cleaned up his act? What if I have grand babies I didn’t know about? What if all he needed was a helping hand? I would have gladly…’

‘I’m sorry honey,’ I started. I turned my torso towards her. ‘Do you not remember about Raymond? Huh?’ Ellen bowed her head. ‘How many times did we bail that cousin of yours out of jail? Huh? How many times did we check him into rehab?’ Ellen wiped a tear from her cheek. ‘He still managed to OD though, didn’t he?’ She nodded silently. ‘To this day you cannot go to certain areas of Pennsylvania because of him, because of where we would find him strung out! I wasn’t going to let you go through all that again!’

I realized that my voice had gotten louder and louder as I projected my opinion. Ellen was crying. I didn’t know whether it was because I had compared our son to the closest thing to a brother she ever had, or because of my tone.

‘Ah Ellen,’ I began to caress her hair, ‘Ellen, I’m sorry!’ She looked up at me doe eyed, tears cascading down her ivory cheeks.

‘It’s ok Patrick! You were protecting me from all the times Raymond fell back on a promise or, or, or,’ she stuttered trying to find the right word, ‘or let me down time after time!’ I nodded gently. ‘There’s no book that comes with being a parent, but that night,’ the tears had reappeared, ‘you should have told me! He was our son damn it! Ours!’ She was getting a bit hot headed. ‘I had the right to choose not to give up on our son!’ She rose from the couch, her right index finger pointing in my direction. ‘We made two beautiful babies,’ she was pointing towards me then herself and back to me again, ‘we did that together. We brought them to their extracurricular activities…together. We raised them…together! You had no right in giving up on one of them, favoring one over the other on your own. It makes sick, knowing what happened to Raymond, to even presume that that would be our son’s life! Had you consulted me and we had gotten him some help, then maybe we wouldn’t have these two cops in our living room right now! You could have prevented his death. You could have at least tried with him! But NOOOOO!’ She was shouting, ‘you just stopped looking for him after hardly any time at all! You…’

Detective Spencer stood up and put a gentle hand on Ellen’s shoulder. ‘It’s ok Ellen!’ She said calmingly. Ellen turned and planted her head firmly on the detective’s shoulder. At first her arms were out like she didn't know what to do with them. Then, after a second, she wrapped them around her, gently rubbing my wife’s back in the same manner you would a babies! She rocked with her gently for a few minutes, and that told me, without it being verbalized, that she was a mom! She knew what she was doing, making her a damned good one at that!

When Ellen calmed down a bit, I stood up. ‘I looked for our boy for two months Ellen, and you know it!’ It was my index finger that was extended now. ‘I, was the one putting up the flyers. I was the one going into sleezy bars to see if he was there. I was the one who was doing all the footwork while you sat beside the phone…me!’

The detective gently eased me back into my seat. There’s no need for an argument here, ok. She looked from me to Ellen and back again. I knew all Ellen wanted to do was pound on my chest with clenched fists. After all, I took her son away from her. But she will forever be the calm and collected one in the family. Being honest, I was shocked by her earlier outburst, yet happy at the same time! It let her blow off some steam. It was good for the both of us!

Ellen was right…I shouldn’t have chosen our sons path alone. I, being a family man, always was, always will be, the one who made such a life altering decision from the four of us that night. It was selfish and, plainly, wrong. I can see that now. My decision has been a barrier in our relationship ever since. Every time James name was brought up, I could feel the tension between myself and Ellen. I did that! Me!

I was the reason we didn’t know our oldest grandchild. Rose never let us near her after we asked her to still be allowed in the babies’ life. Her, and her family, packed up, and left. No goodbye…nothing! We took that as a sign that she didn’t want to be found, or have anything to do with us. We, to this day, still don’t know if she had a boy or a girl. I keep expecting to have a grown man, or woman, drive up and introduce themselves as James’s kid.

Just as detective Spencer returned to her seat, Patricia’s head popped in through the double doors. I had forgotten we were having a yard sale!

‘Is everything ok in here guys?’ She asked. ‘We could hear raised voices and I just wanted to check!’

I quickly wiped the tears from my face with the back of my hand and plastered on a fake smile to ask, ‘how’s it going out there?’

‘Yeah, it’s going well. Even better than well if I'm honest. How’s it all going in here?’

Ellen peeled herself from one of the cushions she rescued, and turned towards our daughter, our pride and joy. ‘Your brother is dead!’ She said coldly.

Patricia’s face went from concern, to shock, as she grabbed onto the door for support. Officer Moore, rose quickly, and helped her towards a free seat.

‘What?’ She asked, her face ashen.

‘We have come here to inform your family of your brother, James, passing!’ Officer Moore said confidently. ‘Do you need a glass of water?’

Patricia touched her stomach and sat back, removing a Barbie doll as she did so. ‘No thanks. I'm ok.’ I could tell by her that she wanted to ask the all-important question…‘how?’

Instead, she asked. ‘Did he leave a note?’

‘Did he leave a note?’…those words scrambled inside my brain for a good five minutes. ‘What do you mean?’ I asked, breaking a silence so dark you could hear crickets.

‘Huh?’ She responded.

‘What would make you think he would have left a note?’ It was awfully presumptuous of her! ‘That, to me, makes me think you think he took his own life!’ Ellens brow was scrunched so tightly, her newly manicured nails digging into my hand.

‘I was, I was, I was just guessing.’ She said finding it hard to sound convincing.

‘We told you your brother went missing years ago.’ Ellen said, releasing her grip slightly. ‘Then the first thing you ask when you hear he passed is about leaving a note? Something doesn’t add up here!’

Trish scratched her head, just like she did when she was a child trying to think up a lie. ‘I dunno,’ she said, ‘twin intuition?’ She giggled desperately.

I am a man who can tell when I was being lied to…and this was definitely a lie. ‘What did you mean Patricia?’ I asked, like Mike would ask Katie.

She looked me in the eye and gulped hard. She knew when a white lie would, and wouldn’t work. ‘I knew he was in prison!’ She said, tears beginning to drip from her eyes.

‘What?’ Both myself and Ellen shouted at the same time. I was shocked, my bottom jaw hanging. Ellen got in there first. ‘You knew your brother was alive and didn't say anything?’ I had a feeling detective Spencer and officer Moore felt like they were on the Jerry Springer show! I know I certainly did!

‘He made me promise not to. He wanted to get out of jail and get himself a life before he contacted you guys again!’ She began to sob.

‘So, you knew about him being in prison?’ Ellen asked in an almost squeaky tone.

‘Yea,’ Patricia started, ‘I mean at first, he was a wreck, all strung out on drugs constantly. But he did a two-week stint in solitary confinement and came out clean, coupled with a fresh perspective!’

‘How did he get drugs in prison?’ My poor naive Ellen asked.

‘Never mind that!’ I said, knowing there was always a way to get anything in prison. I learned that by watching ‘OZ.’ ‘How long have you known?’

Patricia looked up towards the ceiling and took a very deep breath. ‘I was there at his trial!’ She began to sob, gibberish coming out of her mouth.

Making sure her breath was under control once more, I asked, ‘how did you know and we didn't?’ A tear resting on the point of my nose. I quickly swatted it away, and looked across the room, directly into my daughters eyes.

‘He wrote to me, and asked me to be there, making me promise you guys would never know!’ She confessed.

I placed my chin on my chest and sighed loudly. They were always as thick as thieves the pair of them, ever since they were younger. Of course he wanted Patricia there. He knew she would be lenient on him, even if the judge wasn't. He knew she would be there for him.

When I finally raised my head and opened my eyes once more, I saw my beautiful, intelligent, daughter in a new light.