SMART PHONE

now, millie was the kind of girl
who always wore a frown
for people liked to walk on her
and try and put her down

her boyfriend was an loutish oaf
her spirit, he would snuff
by pointing out the many ways
she wasn't good enough

her mother was quite difficult
she was the kind of soul
who had to have the final word
a freak about control

her boss was always scolding her
without a word of praise
who always heaped more work on her
but wages, would not raise

now, millie's little cell phone
was completely out of date
and when it finally broke
she felt the urge to celebrate

she sought to buy a smart phone
with the whistles, apps and bells
to finally join the others
with sophisticated cells

she found the one she wanted
it was love at just one look
so she took it home, unwrapped it
and she read the little book

she called her brutish boyfriend
to describe her latest toy
but he began to taunt her
just to undermine her joy

"you mindless little ninny
you sure could have better planned
this complicated gadget
you will never understand"

then millie grew quite angry
and she screamed, "NOW LISTEN, DICK
WHY DON'T YOU TAKE YOUR BIG FAT HEAD
AND UP YOUR REAR END, STICK"

she hung the phone up quickly
and was totally confused
that was not the kind of language
that she ever would have used

she called her mother next
and when her mom got on the line
she started in to rant
in her controlling type of whine

"you should have had me with you
when you picked out what you bought
you never seem to listen
to the lessons i have taught"

and millie felt her anger grow
and screamed, "NOW LISTEN, BITCH
I DON'T NEED YOUR APPROVAL
WHEN I FEEL AN URGE TO ITCH"

she hung up on her mother
"what the hell did i just say?
i never thought i'd have the nerve
to speak to her that way"

she realized the hour
and that she was late to work
and so she called her boss up
just to notify the jerk

her boss began to holler
"i will dock you of your pay
and you had better toe the line
if you desire to stay"

she screamed at him, "YOU GO TO HELL
MY TIME DOWN THERE IS THROUGH
I HATE MY STINKING LOUSY JOB
BUT NOT LIKE I HATE YOU"

she hung up and just sat there
why on earth had she been cross ?
she'd screamed back at her boyfriend
and her mother, then her boss

she looked down at her phone
as if it could suggest a hint
and that is when she noticed
what it said in smaller print

she hadn't got the smart phone
in her inexperience
she had gotten the smart ASS one
and now everything made sense