TATTOO

vern awoke one sunny morn
hung over all to hell
last night he'd really tied one on
he didn't feel so well

he rounded up some aspirin
for he knew that'd be the charm
that's when he first discovered
the strange tattoo on his arm

it spelled out "i love lois"
etched inside a big pink heart
his mind raced to the night before
had lois been a part ?

in fact he knew no lois
so it was a mystery
to why he would subject himself
to such weird artistry

he knew that he'd imbibed too much
a blackout had occurred
but what then had transpired
that he acquired these three odd words ?

his friends could not inform him
for they'd been as blitzed as he
he found a dermatologist
to purge this travesty

the remedy was painful
and was quite expensive too
but this work of art upon him
was a statement most untrue

his buddies took him drinking
just to ease his caustic pain
he woke up the next morning
and he thought he'd gone insane

the tattoo that'd been banished
was back clearer than before
he shouted "I LOVE LOIS ?"
"WHY, I'VE NEVER MET THE WHORE"

it was creepy and outlandish
and about to drive him mad
so he called the local paper
to inquire about an ad

"this ad goes out to lois...
please don't think i mean you harm...
just tell me you're the woman...
that's been tattooed on my arm"

two weeks later came a phone call
it was lois, he discerned
she was clearly very nervous
when she asked if he was vern

she asked if she could visit
and he told her his locale
and a half an hour later
he was chatting with this gal

she said, "i'll show you something...
though it might cause you alarm"
and then rolled up her sleeve
so he could see her upper arm

he knew before he saw it
that it'd be a big pink heart
with "i love vern" upon it
still, it gave him quite a start

incredibly her story
word for word was like his own
she'd awoken one dazed morning
and upon her arm it'd grown

then they caught each others' eyes
that's when the cognizance first dawned
that there was a strange attraction
this scenario had spawned

and since they had these tattoos
they both figured, what the hell
they started keeping company
and found they got on well

and soon it was apparent
that their artwork spoke the truth
though neither'd ever been inside
an ink stained tattoo booth

but never question joy, they say
they plowed on straight ahead
not even a whole year had passed
until the pair was wed

and smiling then was cupid
for his work at last was done
a happy little god was he
when pairing everyone

he'd put away his arrows
which he once would launch and stick
he now used tattoo needles
and they really did the trick