How to hide your drinking problem from your family and friends

How to Hide Your Drinking Problem From Your
Family and Friends

1. Collect used scratch-cards and lottery tickets from refuse bins to make people think that you have a gambling addiction as opposed to an alcohol problem.
2. Act drunk when you are sober so that, when you are drunk, people don't notice.
3. When moderate drinking is acceptable, such as at parties or on Christmas Day, make sure that you have a bottle of spirits hidden somewhere about your person that can be used to strengthen whatever drinks you are given. If people wonder how you managed to get so drunk from just a few glasses of wine, say that you're a bit of a light-weight really and it just went to your head.
4. If you consume a bottle of wine that wasn't yours to drink, or was being saved for a special occasion, then don't worry. Simply refill the bottle with a mixture of fruit juice and vinegar and no one will know the difference.
5. Send abusive text messages to all of your family and friends so that no one cares whether you are an alcoholic anyway.
6. Conceal the smell of alcohol by coating yourself in an even stronger-smelling liquid, such as turpentine or vinegar. Drinking such liquids is also an effective method of concealing the smell of alcohol on your breath.
7. The death of a family member or close friend is an acceptable excuse for excessive drinking but should only be used sparingly ' frequent claims of imaginary bereavement may compromise this excuse's credibility.