Once Upon a Time

Once Upon a Time

And they lived happily ever after.

Well that ceased to be true once the bickering started.  When the make-up sex led to an unwanted child.  And then another. When he lost his job.  When she started feeling trapped in hers. The out and out arguments helped a little.  Allowed venting, letting off of steam. But then drinking with friends did that too. They settled into isolation and independence.  A partnership that functioned.  At times they both thought, separately, that things weren’t too bad.  That this was what happily ever after might be. Maybe this is what it meant.  Neither had the energy to seek solace elsewhere.  This was what they had, and this was what was.  Until Martin left. 

One day suddenly, just like that.  Lined the three of them up on the sofa, the two year old squirming, the four year old looking earnestly up at him through his thick glasses.  She trying to control her shaking.  This was serious. He told them he couldn’t live like this anymore, he loved them all but he was leaving.  Going.  Not living here anymore.  He would contact them when he was settled.  In a (broken) heartbeat he picked up his pre-packed bag and walked out the door.

‘They lived happily ever after?’ Those words taunted her. How bitter they tasted now. She gazed out of the window of the dilapidated manor house that she lived in, trying to drown out the noise of six seven year olds playing Cowboys and Indians in the living room.  And the dining room and the hall way.  She glowered at one painted face when it flung open the door of her bedroom, and the Native American quickly retreated.  The grounds she was looking out on were beautiful in their abandoned state, a justification for not having got round to clearing them.  Not like the mess that was everywhere in the house. At least the field mice, voles, and beetles could live in a happy home.  She couldn’t.  And neither could her children. 

Since Martin had gone the three of them had developed a hole-shaped relationship. They all existed on the edge of the hole.  Martin’s absence dominated its centre every day.  The hole tormented them.  Each blamed the others for his leaving.  And each longed to have the others to themselves, to be free of the yearning for the absence to be filled.  Martin had not wanted children.  She had.  She thought he would come round but he didn’t. Not when she was pregnant, twice.  Not when each child was born. His resentment of their intrusion grew. And so, she hated those children.  Well, loved them more than hated them. In their absence when they were at school they wrestled with Martin in her head to dominate her thoughts.  She could never be free of any of them.

Once upon a time there was a handsome prince and his bride.  

With a sigh she picked up the wedding invitation that lay tattered in her drawer: 

Come to Katie and Martin’s Wedding

The Fairytale Castle

Dress Code:  Romantic

Date:  1 April 2001.