Breathe (In The Air)

The cold air on my face did nothing the ease the heat I felt from the flames that burned beneath me. The harsh February wind sliced through my thin cotton t-shirt as my bare legs dangled above a small pile of maple logs and two dozen sizzling American Beauties.

"When did you stop conversing with the Lord, girl?"

I took in a deep breath, inhaling the earthy scents of burning maple and fallen leaves. My arms were outstretched with a metal spikes that anchored my wrists to the side of our family cabin. I licked my cracked lips and smiled as best I could, given my weakened state. "I called his name most every night, Daddy. Every single time Levi rammed his dick into me I'd cry, 'Oh, God! Oh Lord! Jesus Fucking Christ!'" I coughed as the smoke rose, tickling my lungs. "You know--the typical nightly prayers of an engaged couple."

Daddy's body convulsed as sobs ripped through his body. A cascade of tears trailed down his  swollen, ruddy cheeks.

Fuck. Now I'd gone and made the Devil cry.

I shook my head from side to side as Daddy lifted a rectangular container high above his head. "I always wonder what sins I've committed to be burdened with such an insolent child." Liquid shot out of the bottle. The fire below me crawled up my legs, which had grown numb from the countless hours of being left in the cold. I maybe had a few minutes before the fire reached my shirt and I eagerly anticipated the heat.

Even if it meant my death.

Most especially if it meant my death.

It took an almost divine effort for me to turn my head to the side and really see Levi. The love of my life. The mate to my soul. The father of my unborn child. He was nailed next to me to the side of what had come to be our cabin. Unlike me, Levi hung upside down with steel spikes piercing what remained of his feet and wrists. Levi was always a beautiful hue of warm dark chocolate. Father had him ruthlessly set afire; the only warmth that came from his body was that of charred flesh and burnt hair.

Daddy was back to quoting Leviticus--because whenever I stepped out of line or thought for myself or did anything that he disapproved of, rest be sured, Daddy could always find a passage from that damned book to prove just what a Jezebel I was.

"Remember the last thing you said to me, Levi?" I asked my dead lover. "You said, 'Just hold on, Love. Everything will be okay. Just...breathe." I inhaled deeply, purposefully forcing the smoke inside my lungs. I choked and gasped, my body betraying me, fighting the death I so desperately desired. So I could be with Levi. So I could be with the miracle we created that was slowly dying inside of me.

"Repent, child! Stop being so damn stubborn! Repent before your Almighty God! Help me save you from your sins!" Daddy shouted as he poured more and more lighter fluid on the rapidly rising fire below me.

Once the flames danced across the bottom edge of my t-shirt, there was no saving me. There was no room for repentance.

All at once I screamed and cried and laughed because soon, I knew--I knew that I would be with my real family.

And I would finally be able to breathe.