Mindfulness

You say I'm being cagey -

If only you knew

how trapped I truly feel,

locked up,

a prisoner in my own brain.

I'm trying to be mindful

of all my broken thoughts and petty jealousies;

of my burning scalding ember belly

when I see her bright eyes brimming

with that elusive joy.

Do you think of her when we fuck?

Truth or not,

it hurts the same.

I'm passionately bitter,

like Angostura,

but lack-luster elsewhere.

Apathy crept, you see,

like a mould,

and coated my life in a dank greyness.

Passion driven out,

I hid from life's glare awhile

and tried to pause it.

But it kept on moving.

Tick tock, tick tock

(the sun will always rise, and set

and then rise again).

I wonder

if I fake it

and pretend I'm in control

is that the secret?

Maybe I could watch that golden glow

on the horizon,

feel its warmth,

seek comfort in its 

predictability,

and accept that nothing truly matters

anyway.

Well, 

I've got to do something.

Because life's shit short

and soon it will be too late.